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View Diary: Homophobia in the advice columns (228 comments)

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  •  Kind of funny (4.00)
    I came out when I became a Peace Corps Volunteer.  It was an awkward process for me, and I was a bit worried how people would think of me for being gay, and I wanted to go at my own pace - at least as much as I could - knowing that if you tell one person, you might as well accept the fact you told everyone.

    Turns out the first person I told I was gay was a homophobe and a gossip.  I thought he was a nice guy and he thought I was coming on to him (both the former and the latter were further from the truth).  

    In any case, I found out later on that he was quite open in telling people in the group of PCVs that I entered with that I was gay, if only to find himself more socially acceptable.  The sad thing is that his spreading gossip ended up causing him to be marginalized among our group.

    Even so, when I found out that he outed me, I opened the door for him to have the chance to apologize to me.  

    He never took the opportunity.

    •  Why is it sad that the bigot was marginalized? (none)
      Sounds like he got what he deserved.

      "Yes, I'd give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety's sake!" -- Sir Thomas More, in A Man For All Seasons, by Robert Bolt

      by Shiborg on Mon Feb 20, 2006 at 01:41:43 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  The funny thing (none)
        is when I told another guy, who ended up being my best friend, that I was gay.

        We were riding home on bikes from Thai language class.  I told Mark that I was gay, and Mark rode off the road and fell into a ditch.  He then told me that there were a couple of men he thought were more likely to be gay.

        I explained gaydar doesn't work when straight men try to utilize it.

      •  The sad thing (none)
        was that he was otherwise a nice guy - very socially awkward, and quite naive - but nice.  

        In many ways, he deserved what he got, but he was a socially awkward young man at the time.  In some ways, I empathize with him, because I know what it is like to be socially awkward.

        •  Hopefully, he forever considered that... (4.00)
          a valuable lesson for the future. Maybe he found himself in a similar situation years later and, when he was tempted to maliciously spread gossip again, told himself, "Shut the fuck up & mind your own business!"  Then he will have taken a long step towards being a decent human being.

          Or, maybe he decided that "fags & homos" were responsible for all of his social problems. That would be a shame.

          I was proud of my father (74 years old & of strong liberal persuasion) a few years back. We were talking about who now lived next door, after the neighbors I knew growing up had died. He said that two men had bought the house.  I asked if they were gay, & he said presumably, but he didn't know. He never brought it up again (they moved out a few years later), not because he didn't like the fact they were gay but because he didn't care.

          (He never got to know them, but that's a New England thing. We moved into our house in 1970, and five years later a neighbor came over to welcome us to the neighborhood. When I asked my father why so long, he shrugged and replied, "They had to be sure we were going to stay.")

          "I'm having trouble with my boy." -- George H. W. Bush, 2004

          by Shiborg on Mon Feb 20, 2006 at 03:05:29 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

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