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...it's only after you escape that the enormity of the situation hits you and you realize the danger you'd been in all along, that you somehow pushed to the back of your mind every time it would pop up, not believing that it could happen to you, and certainly this person wouldn't do that. But they did and they do. They do it every day. And some don't escape. Fortunately for me, I realized in the nick of time how bad things were getting, and thankfully, I had help and a place to stay far, far away. Thank you for posting your story, noweasels. It saddens me just how many people out there can relate. I, too, pray for peace and hope and help for all those who are abused, frightened or tortured.
"Never, never, NEVER give up!" --Winston Churchill
by rioduran on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 12:20:41 AM PDT
Those words you wrote resonate so powerfully --
it's only after you escape that the enormity of the situation hits you and you realize the danger you'd been in all along, that you somehow pushed to the back of your mind every time it would pop up, not believing that it could happen to you, and certainly this person wouldn't do that. But they did and they do
.
After I was settled in my apartment (and after the phone and power companies agreed not to allow him access to my address), and after I had slept a good night's sleep, safe and comfortable, THAT is when I realized what had been possible.
Bless you.
1-20-09 The Darkness Ends "Where cruelty exists, law does not." ~ Alberto Mora
by noweasels on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 12:25:15 AM PDT
[ Parent ]
...that resonates with me. How could I have been so dumb? How could I let myself get into this situation? But some abusers are true masters of manipulation and really know how to play innocent when it counts. I moved states away and left no forwarding address. And the morning I woke up in my sister's guest room, knowing he had no idea where I was, knowing I was getting a fresh start with him no longer in my life, I felt so happy I was almost giddy.
by rioduran on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 12:38:46 AM PDT
Discovering you've been manipulated by someone you trusted into living a lie...somehow makes you feel dirty, doesn't it?
"Evil is a lack of empathy, a total incapacity to feel with their fellow man." - Capt. Gilbert,Psychiatrist, at the end of Nuremberg trials.
by 417els on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 02:59:59 AM PDT
for the charm to wear off, even though I remember feeling like I was constantly walking on eggshells in the beginning. It makes you feel like the biggest heel in the world.
The irony is Michelle's story only happens in America, according to its most fervent patriots. Cindy McCain's happens in any country with concentrated wealth.
by Nulwee on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 06:48:24 AM PDT
there's the clue :
I was constantly walking on eggshells
That always mean danger. Even if you get by for years without an incident, danger is there under the surface.
A Republican is a person who says we need to rebuild Iraq but not New Orleans. - Temple Stark
by Christopher Walker on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 11:21:35 AM PDT
The knot in your stomach that never seems to go away.
by marina on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 04:47:41 PM PDT
your parents know the real situation.
The abuse victims I pity the most are the ones where the abuser has the public persona perfected. In public, with their family, even with your family, they are genial, affable, careful to always seem loving towards their family. There are always clues if you look for them - the flash of temper, the way they always love to talk about themselves and the casual disrespect they show towards their partner and kids. But most people form opinions about how other people make them feel about themselves, so someone who knows how to stroke other people's egos can be regarded as a Good Guy by most everyone.
Then the abuse victim has to convince everyone that the abuse is real, the terror is real, the threats are real - with almost no allies. Being abused is a terrifying, demoralizing experience that makes you doubt yourself and your sanity. Someone who fights back may give up even the normalcy they get from public interactions, the tiny ego boosts of people merely acknowledging your existence.
"Submit graciously"? Try that out on anyone who has suffered abuse!
Proud member of the Cult of Issues and Substance!
by Fabian on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 02:39:28 AM PDT
my wife's father.
NNSL '08 and D&D at NN 08
by Moody Loner on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 07:10:36 AM PDT
Teachers, clergy, everyone fell for her routine--always the perfect lady. You'd think at least the constant smell of Scotch on her would have given her away but, no, I was always the incorrigable brat because I refused to do exactly as she said. Everyone believed this--or, if they didn't, none of them bothered to get involved.
That was her in public. At home, she'd get drunk and smack the hell out of me over nothing, and I mean, nothing. At least, that was until I grew bigger and stronger than her. By then, I had long since lost all fear of, and respect for, that pathetic, smelly old sot. I quit flinching when she slapped me--instead, when she did it, I used to stare her right in the eyes and laugh in her face. Of course, this would throw her into the most explosive rages, but I didn't care, at least she'd take them somewhere else. This made me feel powerful. I was ten years old.
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election. --Otto von Bismarck
by Ice Blue on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 10:51:13 AM PDT
Ten. No one should have to learn any of this at ten. I am so sorry. Bless you.
by noweasels on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 11:27:32 AM PDT
through what you did, too.
But it's amazing how resiliant the human psyche can be, huh?
by Ice Blue on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 01:22:16 PM PDT
He had EVERYONE fooled, except my parents, who believed me completely. Abusers are champion snakecharmers, all of them, or they wouldn't be able to attract those they later abuse. But you are so right about the "little clues" ~ the public "teasing," the incredible disrespect in the guise of jokes . . . it's all there, always, and it wears you down almost as much as the private torment at home.
by noweasels on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 11:25:37 AM PDT
by Ice Blue on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 01:24:09 PM PDT
How odd that you knew that.
by noweasels on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 02:05:21 PM PDT
vast majority of ob-gyns are wonderful, caring people, there's a few who seem to think the only good woman is so laden down she's helpless and immobile.
by Ice Blue on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 02:53:21 PM PDT
As I said above-thread, I am not sorry that he is dead.
Want to be a living kidney donor? I need one from someone with a bloodtype of B or O. Drop a note at riverheart.livejournal.com.
by Kitsap River on Wed Dec 26, 2007 at 02:27:38 PM PDT
wide narrow
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