all over Faux News. Look for anchors wearing designer labels with the tags still on, drinking brand name soft drinks and alcohol on their desks, reporters flashing Metamucil, Rogaine and Paxil boxes in their hands while juggling the mike.

Rupert has spoken: businesspeople, I need your cash desperately, will whore for you shamelessly. Your scandals are way safe with me... but you knew that already. What's that? You want to do what? Ok, we can have O'Reilly holding a can of Penzoil during the broadcast. Yes, our reporters can jump out of Hummers and VW's. No problem.