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so that others may see and benefit from this series.
What really counts, however, are the comments. Please come in and share what's on your mind.
Tomorrow will be exciting, of course - first, I get to follow the returns, then eat pancakes for dinner, and I'll finish the day by listening to a radio broadcast of my performance (streamed, since I'm back home now).
Thanks, everyone!
Join us in the Grieving Room on Monday evenings to discuss mourning and loss.
by Dem in the heart of Texas on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 06:16:06 PM PDT
I was just about to turn off the computer.
My father died today. On my birthday. He had been very ill for a long time with multiple issues and he was 86 years old. We brought in hospice just a few days ago and discontinued all but the drugs that were keeping him comfortable, so we knew it was coming. But, I really hoped he wouldn't die on my birthday.
I had not cried yet, but I am crying now.
Thank you.
by CA Nana on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 06:28:27 PM PDT
[ Parent ]
Life breaks us all, but afterwards, many of us are strongest at the broken places.-Ernest Hemingway
by charleston sugar on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 06:32:19 PM PDT
'Happy' Birthday
by nchristine on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 06:36:12 PM PDT
I truly wish that I could reach through the "tubes" and give you a {{{HUG}}}.
I'm sorry for your loss and the loss of your birthday, as well (pretty much from here on out). The crying will begin to be your friend.
by Dem in the heart of Texas on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 06:43:25 PM PDT
I went to my son's house and got hugs from the grandkids.
My father and I were never close, but I had spent a lot of time with him and my mom in the last few years, and especially since he had been so sick. He was mostly in and out of the hospital and nursing homes in the past year, and Mom visited him every day and I went about 3 times a week. It got very hard near the end because he was simply wasting away. But he always knew who we were and thanked me for coming.
I really didn't think this would be so painful.
by CA Nana on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 06:51:20 PM PDT
feeling of relief that my mom was no longer in pain when she passed. But, I don't (Ok, sometimes I do), I just hurt for the 'might have beens' and 'if only'.
by nchristine on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 06:56:39 PM PDT
they are no longer suffering. But the problem is that they are also no longer with us.
Hugs to you.
by CA Nana on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 07:04:15 PM PDT
i am so sorry for your loss, especially on such a day. my thoughts are with you.
i remember in '95 when my grandfather was dying. it was late summer, and my mom (it was her father) said how much she feared him doing that. he died the day before her birthday.
the circle of life -- how painful the dates can be.
"Don't bring a spork to a gunfight." --pastordan
by birdbrain64 on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 06:49:08 PM PDT
My grandson was born on my dad's birthday 3 years ago. So, his birthdate and deathdate will live on with us.
by CA Nana on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 06:52:58 PM PDT
and maybe you'll see a little bit of your dad in your grandson.
by birdbrain64 on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 06:56:14 PM PDT
I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry for how your birthday has changed. We lost my mother and brother in a car accident on my Aunt's birthday. She has had two birthdays since then and it's a struggle to "remake" her birthday into the celebration it is and must be, and not a day of sorrow. But it's there, yes? The awareness. I understand why you hoped this, and I'm sorry that... everything. I'm just so sorry.
Peace to you and your family.
The chips are down. Find your outrage.
by sj on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 07:17:06 PM PDT
We buried Mom on Mother's Day. She always did like to make a scene. So it was right, everyone in the family had to change plans, but we all got it was right. Some things are right.
Birth, death, the circle that binds us all as one. The greed that makes us not want to let go.
I am an athiest. I was with Mom when she looked up, so happy the morning before she died. My sister asked her what did she see. She said bright. My sister asked if she saw God. She smiled and said, yeah.
All I gotta say. I am still an athiest. And I still know my mom saw God.
And her heart still burns bright within me, as does my Dad who went long before.
I honor you all for letting me share that moment.
"He who fears something gives it power over him."--Arab proverb
by crazyshirley2100 on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 07:36:42 PM PDT
I'm sorry for your loss.
When I flew back to be with my mom, it was Tuesday, and her last food and water had been on Sunday. I remember thinking that she'd see or hear me, and let go.
Nope. She hung on and on. By Thursday night, I said to her best friend, "I think she's waiting till Good Friday, for a dramatic exit." On Maundy Thursday, I washed her feet. Sure enough, 4 AM on Good Friday, she went. Now I'll have two "anniversaries"... GF and 4/6.
My mom was agnostic, but she took communion at my church when she came to see my kids in the Christmas pageant. That was Christmas eve of 2006 - her last one. I don't know if it was to make me feel better, or to hedge her bets...
She had a flair, didn't she?
by Dem in the heart of Texas on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 08:29:47 PM PDT
Strong women do.
by crazyshirley2100 on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 09:15:40 PM PDT
I offer you my deepest empathy and condolences. I think I know somewhat of how you're feeling--my mom passed on Saturday, and as I wrote about it in a comment yesterday in PastorDan's 'Brothers and Sisters' diary, the tears suddenly welled up again.
I hope the thoughtful, kind and loving replies to your comment here will offer as much solace to you as the ones I received last night gave to me.
Blessings on you and your family in the days and weeks ahead. I'll be thinking of you and yours along with my own family.
-Scott
There are, in every age, new errors to be rectified, and new prejudices to be opposed. -Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)
by slksfca on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 07:44:43 PM PDT
{{{HUGS}}} to you as well. I'm very sorry for your loss. Get used to the tears - they will become your companions for the next little while.
Please feel free to come and unload here whenever you need to.
by Dem in the heart of Texas on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 08:19:12 PM PDT
One of my favorite things about this community is the great number of good kind compassionate folks who hang out here. I suspect I'll be visiting The Grieving Room often. Thank you again for being here!
by slksfca on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 09:11:31 PM PDT
I walk with you tonight, too. My niece died yesterday. Cancer, again. Her birthday was last Monday. Her twin babies' birthday is next week. They will be three.
The tears come and go at the oddest times.
Godspeed to your father. Peace to you and your family. We hold you in the Light.
Hope. Again.
by bwren on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 08:02:30 PM PDT
I am so, so very sorry. Please hug those babies tight.
Damn, damn cancer.
I don't know what else I can say just now.
by Dem in the heart of Texas on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 08:20:06 PM PDT
I will. The babies need hugs, and we need the babies' hugs right now.
Thank you for this diary. It is so true.
Perhaps I will have more words at a later time.
by bwren on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 08:29:17 PM PDT
John Cornyn is an asshole with shoes. Support Rick Noriega!
by anna on Mon Feb 04, 2008 at 08:05:38 PM PDT
in the whirlwind of preoccupation of the day before Super Tuesday I forgot to check in. Even though I was well aware that it was "th day before Super Tuesday" my mind did not fully connect to the fact that that meant it was Monday (!) and a Grieving Room day.
Just as well, because this moving diary would have undone me completely. I was deliberately using politics as a distraction last week, but now am ready to process some of these emotions again.
my mom and I had a lot of little in jokes like the "break your leg" and sometimes when situations trigger them I cry, and sometimes I smile and remember her warmly.
I also thought I was fine until I tried to cover things up and resume my normal schedule and the floodwaters of grief came rushing over the dam at an inopportune moment. My heart started beating irregularly and I was rushed to the hospital.=, where I sobbed incoherently and said I didn't want to go because "my mommy died in this hospital!"
grief must be honored. it does not disappear on its own. I am grateful to all the family and friends who have stood with me in the past year. i am grateful for my wonderful grief counselor. and I am grateful for The Grieving Room community and the 24/7 connection that is DailyKos.
blessings to you, Dem in the Heart of Texas! the diary was beautiful--thank you.
Politics is like driving. To go backward, put it in R. To go forward, put it in D. 76 days until the '08 elections. Let's paint the country BLUE!
by TrueBlueMajority on Mon Feb 11, 2008 at 06:28:50 PM PDT
wide narrow
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