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View Diary: Marital Status. Single. Married. Satisfactory or Searching? © (75 comments)

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  •  Tell that to my mother... (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    TealVeal, bibble, Bcgntn

    I've lived that way my whole dating life, and the last few years have been rather uneventful (which I'm fine with - I live in super right wing NE TN after all, so the potential is low for me given my political requirements).

    My mother is on my case incessently. It's as though one should marry just for the hell of it. She left me alone the last few years, but as my sister's marriage deteriorates, she's ramped it right back up.

    The sick thing is, she's always said that between the 2 of us kids, I'd be the one that wouldn't get into a failing marriage because I'm just be too deliberate in making big decisions, and yet, she pushes the opposite. I guess the saddest thing to me is that my mother is still living vicariously through her kids, not really all that personally fulfilled in her own life. It's like I'm stuck in the best of the News From Lake Woebegone.

    I needed to vent, and I suppose this diary was the best outlet I've had in a while. Thanks a bunch.

    •  I feel for you... (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      xanthe, Bcgntn

      I'm in Nashville and the prospects aren't that impressive here, either.  Three absolutes: no Republicans, no smokers, and no one who thinks I should give a rat's ass about sports.  And that's before considering more conventional issues of attraction and compatibility.

      Overall, though, I'm fine with things as they are-- actively looking feels uncomfortable & demeaning, and creates a negative incentive to jump into relationships.  And I'm not a particularly accommodating type, which makes things harder for women who aren't more conditioned to, um, compromise.  There's really no way for me to seek relationships without giving something hard-earned up, so it's better to rely on fate, I think.

      Democrats always act as though they're afraid they'll lose, so people look at them and see losers. -Paul Waldman

      by latts on Mon Sep 18, 2006 at 02:03:23 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I appreciate your comment. (0+ / 0-)

        Dear latts . . .

        I appreciate your comment.  You never know; I have had pretty decent relationships with those that politically were my opposites.  However, I do not believe in looking ever!!!

        I never went out hunting.  When with others on the prowl, I am sooooooo bored.  “I wanna go home!!!!”  

        I love my own company and enjoy all that I do.  I find myself so entertaining.  I am among those that can feel alone in a crowded room.  I am best with me or one-on-one.

        I think fate and good Karma and great friends.  I enjoy them and it seems you do too.

        It is only the giving that makes us what [who] we are. - Ian Anderson.
        Be-Think Betsy L. Angert

        by Bcgntn on Mon Sep 18, 2006 at 05:12:30 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Eh, it's a values thing. (0+ / 0-)

          I can get along with many Republicans on a casual basis, but since I can't help but mistrust their intelligence and/or decency, intimacy's kind of out of the question.  But I think in broader terms than just how an individual happens to treat me, and lots of women only really care about that... IMO, though, public morals count for a lot, and the GOP doesn't have any that I find acceptable.

          Funny thing is, I was basically this way even before the other side went completely batshit crazy... I remember being terrified that someone I really liked was conservative (he wasn't, although a bit too libertarian in that postadolescent white-male way) a year before the Gingrich sweep.  But I'm from the south, so I probably intuited early on that the party was falling into line with cultural ideas that I already couldn't stand.

          Democrats always act as though they're afraid they'll lose, so people look at them and see losers. -Paul Waldman

          by latts on Mon Sep 18, 2006 at 08:49:54 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

    •  I thank you! (0+ / 0-)

      Dear surfbird007  . . .

      That is exactly what I want this to be, a place to openly vent and share personal stories!!!  I thank you for feeling comfortable enough to do this here and with me.

      I hope you mentioned to your Mom how illogical it is, to observe the deterioration of your daughter’s marriage and then prompt the idea of settling on the other.

      If wedded bliss is not clearly evident for someone so close to you, why would she think you might believe it is in your future?

      I read the Tuttle comment to one that knows me so well.  He immediately stated, before I shared my reply, “That is the way you shop.”  I truly believe the universe gives to us all, always.  When we work to force an event, we are in conflict with the natural flow.

      I have never sought any relationship, ever.  Yet, I have had many good ones.  I only had the one that was troublesome.  I think I needed that one to grow.  Without it I would have never understood the vast quality that was everywhere within my life!

      Perhaps if you ask your Mom to speak of her own experiences, she may realize that what is good comes naturally.  I think if you speak of yourself, she will only think it defensive and not fully understand.

      I may be totally incorrect.  I do not know her, you, or the dynamics.  However, I do know, I trust in you.  

      Please feel what you feel, know what you know, and vent away.

      It is only the giving that makes us what [who] we are. - Ian Anderson.
      Be-Think Betsy L. Angert

      by Bcgntn on Mon Sep 18, 2006 at 05:00:56 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  For me it's not my mother (0+ / 0-)

      It's my best friend. She's toned it down, but for a while she was constantly on me to start dating (I'm divorced). Try as I might, I could not get it through her head that a) at this point in my life, I'm not interested in dating, b) even if I were interested in dating, I certainly would not go out on the prowl looking for it and c) I'm perfectly happy being single.

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