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View Diary: UPDATE 2: REVISED AD - Kick `em while they're down with one, final, simple ad (299 comments)

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  •  Good point. Makes it more personal. (5+ / 0-)

    ...

    WOMAN: My cat's in the tree! MY FATHER (a fireman): He'll come down. WOMAN: No he won't! MY FATHER: Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?

    by Bob Johnson on Wed Nov 01, 2006 at 10:25:49 PM PST

    [ Parent ]

    •  one more nit... (15+ / 0-)

      Change "I believed it when I was told..."

      to "I believed them when they said..."

      • "I was told" is too passive and subtly brands the speaker as weak.
      • "when they said" pins the lies on the liars.
      •  Good point (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        vrexford

        I teach my tech writing students that the use of passive voice is often a means of avoiding the assignment of responsibility.

        Heaven forfend that anyone in this administration would avoid responsibility for their actions!  ;-p

        -8.38, -7.54 "...to remain silent and indifferent is the greatest sin of all." - Elie Wiesel

        by deha on Thu Nov 02, 2006 at 06:06:16 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  Here's a suggested revision (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          jigsaw68, deha

          ...incorporating the above points and a bit more tightening of the wording:

          I believed them when they said Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.

          I believed them when they said that was why we were invading Iraq.

          I believed them when they said "Mission Accomplished" three years ago.

          I believed them when they said the insurgency was "in its last throes."

          I believed them when they said so many times "we have turned the corner" in Iraq.

          I believed them when they said that purple fingers meant democracy had been established in Iraq.

          I believed them when they said that we would leave once Iraq had established democracy.

          I believed them when they said that we would pull our troops out last Spring, then this fall, then in 12 to 18 months, and then, three months later, still in "12 to 18 months".

          I believed all this stuff. But when NONE of it turned out to be true, I quit believing.

          ELDERLY WOMAN: Republicans were the ones telling me these things.  All of them.  I don't believe them anymore.

          ANNOUNCER (OR CANDIDATE): Vote for a change. It's time for the truth.

          •  That is a good version... (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            DSC on the Plateau, deha

            One ad is all that is needed since there is no mention of specific names. It could be used anywhere.

            ATTN GOP...Superman costume disclaimer: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly ( But watching you try is hysterical )-6.88,-6.92

            by jigsaw68 on Thu Nov 02, 2006 at 06:55:26 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

          •  My suggestion re your excellent suggestion (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            deha

            Make every sentence specific to the GOP, as below:

            I believed the Republicans when they said Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.

            I believed the Republicans when they said that was why we were invading Iraq.

            I believed the Republicans when they said "Mission Accomplished" three years ago.

            I believed the Republicans when they said the insurgency was "in its last throes."

            I believed the Republicans when they said so many times "we have turned the corner" in Iraq.

            I believed the Republicans when they said that purple fingers meant democracy had been established in Iraq.

            I believed the Republicans when they said that we would leave once Iraq had established democracy.

            I believed the Republicans when they said that we would pull our troops out last Spring, then this fall, then in 12 to 18 months, and then, three months later, still in "12 to 18 months".

            I believed all this stuff. But when NONE of it turned out to be true, I quit believing.

            ELDERLY WOMAN: The Republican party was the one telling me these things.  All of them.  I don't believe them anymore.

            ANNOUNCER (OR CANDIDATE): Vote for a change. It's time for the truth.

            PRAVDA under Stalin had more shame than Fox News.

            by chumley on Thu Nov 02, 2006 at 09:26:45 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

        •  old j-major here (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          deha

          passive voice needs to go.  Pin it right on the the administration.

          I would go insane without this place...

          by vrexford on Thu Nov 02, 2006 at 06:22:58 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

      •  Great refinement! But I'd go futher: (0+ / 0-)

        Change "I believed it when I was told..."

        to "I believed them when they said..."

        Yes, brilliant!   But let me also suggest that every statement should specific to the GOP, to hammer home he point to short attention span people like me.

        To wit:

        "I believed the Republicans when they said..."

        (Your mileage may vary.)

        PRAVDA under Stalin had more shame than Fox News.

        by chumley on Thu Nov 02, 2006 at 09:23:38 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

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