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  •  Are Proud of Your Job Assclown? (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    alizard, CenterLeft


    Where to begin...

    I have never, ever known a product manager at a major label that wasn't the worst kind of starfucker.

    I mean, A&R guys aren't even the kind of worthless, gutless, amoeba-spined bloodclots that PMs are.  Ever notice how few people actually want to talk to you at any sort of release event?  That's because they have better things to do...and I mean everyone.  I think that (label-side) tour management people are are a more creative, more fun bunch.  No wonder so many product managers turn out to be alcoholics...nobody gives a fuck if you even exist!

    It doesn't surprise me that at all that you wouldn't recognize a recording artist when you met're about the farthest thing from a recording artist possible, aren't you?  You're really, really down there on the food chain, aren't you?  You're like a quarter-step above the interns, right?

    I wonder what experiences led you to your current job...did you get all moist when a drum tech yelled at you to get out of the way when you were backstage somewhere with your little pass that some radio asshole lent you?  Is that the feeling that helped you decide to get into the music industry someday?
    Do you ever wonder when you're at the big rock show why it isn't you up there, why you don't have the talent or the guts to do what you're so obviously jealous of?  

    I mean you must really know that you're nothing without us.  It has to be back there somewhere in that ferret brain of yours, that you live in a fantasy world that's disintigrating around you like an East German cop trying to direct traffic around the Berlin wall.  I love you you morons try to turn reality on its head by impotently sobbing out bogus justifications for your collective existence.  Artists really need you?  Please, don't make me laugh any harder...I'll forget that great melody that I just came up with. Oh, wait, that's right, you have no experience with that sort of thing.  It's like describing a rainbow to a congenitally blind person. Please forgive me for my insensitivity to your disability...lack of musical ability, that is.

    Face the facts:  you and your kind are parasites--luckless, talentless eunuchs good for nothing except the dog-pack ass-sniffing rituals that pass in your world for business.
    Without the federal government to enforce your state-granted monopoly on duplication, you add no fucking value whatsoever to the process of making and selling good music.  You are the ultimate stereotypical welfare recipients.  It must be so stressful for you, knowing that at any time there might be an end-to-welfare-as-we-know-it moment where the government stops supporting your business model. It must be so exhausting for you, blindly sucking on the flesh that keeps you propelled forward, like the pilotfish that you obviously are.

    It's really sad that you fill your meaningless workdays never knowing what its like to, say, play in front of tens of thousands of people at the Reading festival in England...or sit with, say, Jeff Buckley discussing how you play a certain way to evoke a certain atmosphere.  But at least, I suppose, you do still get paid a salary...for now.

    If you were in any way familiar with the creative process--if you had actually done it for a living ever--you might have the credentials to describe copying music (that sound that you do not make) as stealing or not stealing.
    It is painfully (for your dignity) clear, however, that you have no fucking idea whatsoever what stealing is, what the EFF is, what a communist is, what a recording artist is, and what you yourself are.

    I'm not going to name-drop because of your weak "BS call".
    I don't have the time to fill you in on the differences between real property and intellectual property, because I'm actually pretty busy--I have work to do actually creating copyrightable material.

    I can let you in on how recording artists really talk about you label people when you're not around.  I remember one musician I used to know describing label people as "the only invertebrate mammals".  We think that labels are useless cartels filled with vacuous, ass-tonguing wastes of vodka like yourself.  

    •  you both make a pretty good case (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      nota bene

      for artists to bypass the RIAA monopoly and market tracks and CDs direct to the public via the Internet... from an artist viewpoint, much can be said for the ability to make $5+/CD instead of 20 cents/CD after infamous Hollywood style accounting is used to recoup real and imaginary expenses from label artists... with the real component largely used to subsidize parasites like "Back to the Cave".  

      Sell a few thousand CDs a year without RIAA label help plus touring and one makes an OK living... sell a few thousand CDs a year for an RIAA label and one is screwed...

      While I'm sure you know this, for everyone else (even "Back to the Cave" if he ever masters a musical instrument) the cost of entry for the ability to sell physical CDs and digital tracks via iTunes is under $100 at CDbaby... that gives one a back end to one's music website at which one can take orders for either and have somebody else handle the credit card risk and the rest of the fulfillment stuff.

      Fill out the online paperwork, send 5 CDs and the setup charges. One gets a bar code, one's tracks available for at iTunes, and a place where people can buy the CDs.

      The tradeoff - making the CDs is your problem... you know the economics of mass CD duplication - if one is testing the waters, though... printing on printable / burned CDs is NOT rocket science, even in Linux... so one can make 5 copies of a professional-looking package for a few bucks.

      And of course, marketing is also your problem.

      Looking for intelligent energy policy alternatives? Try here.

      by alizard on Fri Apr 13, 2007 at 12:49:51 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Oh god (0+ / 0-)

        You've been reading Everything You Need to Know About the Music Industry.  That doesn't make you a  Berklee grad and doesn't make your understanding of this industry any less criminally stupid than the comic insults that you don't even understand, you fuckhead.  Parasite?  I represent artists.  I am like their fucking priest and attorney all wrapped up into a fist that will fuck you up if you raise a hand to my clients.  

        I'm the one who makes sure my clients contracts are negotiated by a couple of the best attorneys in the  business.  

        You're fucked up all over the place in your withered little comment.  If you're only selling a grand, you would be getting some people very fired, because it's hard to sign someone, promote them, and not sell at least as much as they sold prior to signing.  If I brought an artist to any of my friends who was to be so repulsive as to sell only one thousand units with that kind of help, I would be thereafter screened out of ever again hearing live voices on their end of our calls.

        We call those hobbyist bands.  Good folk, but not the ones that are ever going to be loaned the mint that the process of promoting a release costs.  You have so much to learn, kid.  Start with the very basic understanding that labels are buying your album in return for a negotiated advance and a percentage of net sales.  You make the vast majority of your dime from touring and merch sales, and you wouldn't be able to afford to set up any of those tours without that loan.  Nor would you be able to draw a single little myspace buddy to were it not for all the radio promotion and publicity that the label is doing to promote what is now THEIR product.  If you don't believe you can sell more than a thousand albums given those guns, you are a fool, and wouldn't be in that position to begin with.

        This is not hard to understand.  Pull your head out of your ass and get it. And,you won't get it from those books.  Other than that, I don't know what to tell you.  

        Apply to Berklee.

        "Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor." --Sholem Yakov Rabinowitz

        by Back in the Cave on Sat Apr 14, 2007 at 02:21:50 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  yeah, sure you represent "artists" (0+ / 0-)

          Maybe someday you'll get to represent a real artist, like. . . Britney Spears. . . in your dreams.

          I am like their fucking priest and attorney all wrapped up into a fist that will fuck you up if you raise a hand to my clients.

          Face it, in the real world, you'll never be more than an anonymous PR hack with delusions of grandeur, drinking away your dreams in yet another bar. So have another few drinks and dream about a world where you might have been a someone instead of a nuisance.

          The most important fact that's going to bring the people who actually live the lifestyle you claim down around the ears of the people who actually do that is . . . a musician who sells 10K CDs is making $50K ... plus income off digital tracks and touring... and is doing OK without a record label.

          A musician who does this with the help of a label owes them money. Actually, one can sell quite a bit more than that without actually getting paid by a label. Ask Janis Ian. She said that she never collected a single dime of actual royalty payments in 20 years with a record label. Or is she not an "artist" by your definition? Even Courtney Love has written an analysis of record industry economics far more coherent than anything you've managed today, and she thinks your buddies are garbage. too.

          The mass market for music is breaking up. Even MTV is more about youth lifestyle than it is about music. Listenership at all the major FM radio chains is down as a long-term trend. Satellite FM is in trouble. The Internet is fast becoming the only viable channel to either promote music or to sell it. Assuming your buddies don't buy enough politicians to pull the plug, of course.

          But the labels and studios don't have the cash to buy all the politicians in the world, so the Internet Radio stations that your buddies close in America will reopen in Canada or Russia.

          Within a decade, what you call hobbyist bands are going to be the only new bands around and the labels that exist are going to be the ones who can get a bunch of them together and make money off them.

          And the people you aspire to be will be out on the sidewalk with a sign "Will Make GREAT!!! Records for Food!!!"

          And for you and those like you, 'music will come to an end'. And good riddance. For the rest of us, it'll keep right on going, with lower cost and higher quality than ever.

          Looking for intelligent energy policy alternatives? Try here.

          by alizard on Sat Apr 14, 2007 at 04:07:52 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  *sigh* (0+ / 0-)

            You win.  Your secondhand information and do it yourself music industry guides trump reality.  You've got it all figured our so you'll survive just fine without a clue.  

            Dig your bitter pill.  It's no substitute for success and it isn't going to help me drive home even the most basic tenets of this business.   Some of what you regurgitated from your definitive online source may be part of the future of music, but music isn't going to die and there will always be organization around it and all those scum sucking leaches that *gasp* make comfortable livings from the process will continue to do so, because people depend on us to usher in the next.  

            Every communist experiment fails, because the product is always shit.  Do you understand that?  You are a sad fringe hack of a writer angry that you haven't had success and praying that a big revolution will somehow level the playing field and suddenly people will start buying your services.

            There's always going to be an industry, lizard, and there will always be people like you angry at the it because you still don't get everything for free and you still still suck.  Should have gone back to school and gone into nursing or something.

            Fool yourself, but I start my morning off with a chuckle knowing that even the utterly uninitiated can tell you don't have the slightest clue what you're talking about.   You're a living fuck the RIAA blog review done without the firsthand knowledge to even understand how to apply any of the false information to the real world.

            Sad sack.  

            "Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor." --Sholem Yakov Rabinowitz

            by Back in the Cave on Sat Apr 14, 2007 at 10:14:11 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

        •  who the fuck needs a mint to make music? (0+ / 0-)

          It's cause our business model dictates that for every person actually playing music, there have to be 100 other motherfuckers who need to get paid....

          Robert Fripp is full of interesting aphorisms, some of which I agree with and some of which I don' of the ones I do agree with is "discard the superfluous."

          At some point there will be a market correction, not unlike the one that happened in the dotcom business not too long ago, and everyone who isn't contributing anything of significant value to the musicians==>audience relationship is going to get squeezed....

          Dreams of empire die hard; empire, that goes away quickly.--Juan Cole

          by nota bene on Sat Apr 14, 2007 at 09:00:01 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  I hear you. (0+ / 0-)

            . . . But, you hear me in that the mint is not to make the music, nota bene (although you know how that can be expensive).  The Mint is in the cost of product launch.  Same with any product in any industry . . . no getting around it.

            Market correction  . . .  yeah.  But, not someday.  Try now.  There is flux in every business model, but what is going on now in music is epic.  Everything is changing, down to the basic cost of touring.  You know how that goes.    

            Marketing at labels may be top heavy, but agencies and management firms like the one in which I am contracted with, along with publicists and those 32nd floor attorney armies are pretty lean on the battle front as is.  You can lay off half the hospital wing, but ain't no one gonna call it a "correction" because there won't be much correct.  

            Have a good one.  Off to convention alley to lob a few live ones in the trenches.

            "Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor." --Sholem Yakov Rabinowitz

            by Back in the Cave on Sat Apr 14, 2007 at 10:26:19 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  well (0+ / 0-)

              Yes, the market correction is ongoing, I agree....and yes I agree about everybody being "lean on the battlefront"....I don't pretend to know what the industry is going to look like in ten years but I feel pretty confident that it's going to based around some sort of wildly different model and nobody but nobody knows what the hell it will be like....

              I do know a guy who spent about a quarter million dollars just to produce an album....really good studios and really good engineers & producers are expensive, but your point stands....the promo/marketing/distro/merch start-up/ad naus (and all the lawyers & accountants etc it entails) is phenomenally expensive, but the economics of the marketplace are not supporting all of that anymore....if I'd only forced myself to take Econ 101 I think I could put this better, but the market clearing price for music is dropping rapidly and more people are going to be forced to do something else....the only constant is still the engine that drives the whole thing, which is [musicians==>audience]....

              I can't point to the exact moment in time when everything became so fucking expensive, but it had to have been after Elvis and the Beatles....the industry is set up to create home runs and everyone needs to remember how to play small ball again....

              I'm not happy about any of it, but the more musicians know about this sooner, the better IMHO....good luck in Vegas (which coincidentally is where my ex-singer is now)....

              Dreams of empire die hard; empire, that goes away quickly.--Juan Cole

              by nota bene on Sat Apr 14, 2007 at 04:49:55 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

    •  That was fun (0+ / 0-)

      But off-base.  I'm a personal manager, not project manager (which means I represent the artist to the project manager, who is, like Stewart pointed out, usually hung like a ken doll), so a long, eloquent insult and some valuable time wasted :)    

      Yeah.  I don't have much of a problem keeping my table full at release events :)  I think you must know that I don't even have to wipe to get my ass kissed, were I to welcome that shit - which I'm not, so no kindlin' for your fire, Stewie.

      You didn't hate your manager and attorney too, did you?  Everyone out to get you?

      Kidding, kidding.

      Seriously, though.  I know you were kicking a different dog, but lemme say that although the artists to which we pit bulls defend and support to the death are the ones to which all the eyes focus, we are not living in want of that ball and chain.  I admire the guts to sacrifice that which I most value - my privacy.  I am honored to be able to pay my employees with the money I help my clients make, all to bring light back in the cave to shine on the walls to free the chained.

      But, fucking great slam.  Definitely wrong about you not being an artist :)

      God, today has been fun on here.  I hate Vegas and I hate conferences even more.  This crap is better than craps.  I think your insistence that it's ok to steal another person's product is utterly baseless and undefendable horseshit, but you have all made this shit fun.

      "Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor." --Sholem Yakov Rabinowitz

      by Back in the Cave on Sat Apr 14, 2007 at 01:38:50 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

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