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  •  Just one sad other example: (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    rserven, plf515, NogodsnomastersMary

    My father was Naval Academy (known as the meanest man in the US navy), and when my brother was getting ready for college, there was a draft.  My father cooly explained to my brother dhat if he didn't go to a service academy and instead got drafter, he (my father) would be able to have NOTHING to do with my brother, since officers did not associated with enlisted men.

    With me, sadly, his views were far darker, because i seemed to have magical powers that caused all his problems.  He hated me, he was happy to say.  He announced to relatives a plan to make my life a misery.

    "False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil." Plato

    by JPete on Mon Jul 30, 2007 at 03:50:23 PM PDT

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    •  There ought to be another button... (3+ / 0-)

      ...besides Recommend and Troll.  There ought to be a Hug button.

      {{{{{HUG}}}}}

      •  Thank you. It was very tough. (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        rserven, NogodsnomastersMary

        I feel my life has been very fortunate since then, but it is also very sad.  You cannot have that for 20 years without losing some capacities for happiness.  Or at least I couldn't.

        "False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil." Plato

        by JPete on Mon Jul 30, 2007 at 04:12:04 PM PDT

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    •  Jeeze.... sorry for that childhood (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      rserven, NogodsnomastersMary

      glad things are better for you as an adult.

      •  I remind myself (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        rserven, plf515

        of how fortunate I have really been.  I don't mean to be very self-pitying; compared to most people in the world, I have little grounds for complaint.  BUT you can't go through what I went through and not realize how much it alters you.  I did have ptsd, with screaming nightmares, flashbacks, and so on.  It really alters one's brain, harming memory, among other things.

        And now, later in life, I can feel gaps.  But so can most reflective people.  And really I was incredibly blessed in my marriage, and I've had the extraordinary privilege of spending most of my time working with something I love.  So I remind myself a lot of my good fortune.  I do wish I didn't need to, though.  :)

        "False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil." Plato

        by JPete on Tue Jul 31, 2007 at 10:57:27 AM PDT

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        •  I just wrote to my brother's friend... (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          JPete

          ...and told her of a thought my partner shared, which is that the bond we children have is the fact that we were driven so far away from one another when we were kids.  That makes it hard.

          •  I'm not sure I'm completely (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            rserven

            understanding.  Your parents played you one off the other?  Or there was so much stress that you couldn't deal with each other very well?

            It really does not sound good in either case.  And you might mean something else entirely, which won't sound good at all either.

            I'm glad you have a partner who can work with you on understanding.  

            My husband's parents were very different and each in his or her own way, pretty bad.  Both were totally narcissistic and, in very English ways, very eccentric about it.  I remember that our son visited them once; in order to get away from his grandfather, he announced he had a headache and needed to lie down.  His grandfather came into the room and sat by his bed side  and read from a French dictionary outloud for two hours.

            Now, I wasn't there, but I had seen him in action and  found our son's story completely believable.  One never had conversations with him.  He instead put forth extremely long (hours long)monologues which typically were less interesting than a dictionary.  Not that he was trying to wipe out others' presence or anything like that.  

            "False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil." Plato

            by JPete on Tue Jul 31, 2007 at 01:42:50 PM PDT

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        •  In a novel by Andrew Vachss (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          rserven

          the hero is talking to a woman who was abused as a child, but not as badly abused as some.  And he says something I think very wise:

          Everyone's worst is bad enough

          So, sure, there are people whose lives are worse than yours.  Somewhere, in some impoverished village, is a starving quadriplegic woman whose husband infected her with AIDS and then beat her up and divorced her for bringing shame on the family.  

          You're not her.

          Neither am I.

          But each of us has a worst that is bad enough.  We all deserve sympathy.  

          •  That's a great thought. (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            rserven, plf515

            It is true that  human life is very hard.
            There is a great deal of pain.  

            "False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil." Plato

            by JPete on Tue Jul 31, 2007 at 01:30:47 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

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