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View Diary: MUST READ: Are You Ready for the Rapture? (Disgusting Cynicism on Display) (110 comments)

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  •  Good News / Bad News (10+ / 0-)

    The good news is, the Rapture is real.

    The bad news is, God, She took the liberals.

    We are called to speak for the weak, for the voiceless, for victims of our nation and for those it calls enemy.... --ML King "Beyond Vietnam"

    by Gooserock on Mon Jun 09, 2008 at 10:47:55 PM PDT

    •  Now I have to tell one of my fave religious jokes (20+ / 0-)

      So a cardinal bursts into the Pope's private chambers while he's giving audience to some dignitary.  The cardinal bows and looks harried, so the Pope addresses him: "Why have you disturbed my audience with this fine dignitary," The Pontiff asked.

      "Well, Your Eminence, I have some good news and some bad news,"he replied quaveringly.
      "My son, what is the good news?"
      "Well- Jesus is back."
      The Pope, appropriately shocked, jumps out of his chair and runs up to cardinal.  Breathlessly he asks,"But what could possibly be the bad news?!"

      To which the cardinal replied, "Well- uh.  He's in Salt Lake City..."

      "And we will remember this when we are old and ancient, though the specifics might be vague..."- The Decemberists, "July, July"

      by electricgrendel on Mon Jun 09, 2008 at 10:52:24 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  So the Rapture happens, and there's (6+ / 0-)

        a huge line of people taken up, and lined up to get into Heaven. About mid-way in line, 7 or 8 miles back, is a Very Important Person. Mr. VIP doesn't want to wait, he knows Important People are waiting inside Heaven to talk to him. So he marches up to the Desk of St. Peter and says, "See here, young man, I'm sure there are people inside who are very anxious to talk to me..."

        St. Peter says, you have all eternity, and everyone inside is used to eternity by now." So Mr. VIP starts back towards his place in line. Just then a doctor, in a white coat, riding on a little scooter, with his little doctor's bag on the back zips through the gate with only a quick wave at Pete. "What was that?" hollers Mr. VIP, "you can't tell me that there's medical emergency in Heaven!"

        "Oh, Him, St. Peter says, "He's not a doctor, he's the Boss' kid. You know, the Son of G-d. He just likes to play doctor."

        This space to let. Reasonable rates. -8.25, -6.21

        by Jacques on Mon Jun 09, 2008 at 11:46:02 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Late at night in a hotel... (3+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Lashe, drbloodaxe, pidge not midge

          A clerk is working the 3rd shift, it's really quiet, and he's bored. Suddenly, the doors open, a bright light fills the lobby and in walks JESUS! The clerk is astounded. Jesus walks confidently up and slaps something down on the counter. The clerk looks down and sees three nails. Confused, he asks, "Uh, what's this for?"

          Jesus replies, "Oh, I was hoping you could put me up for the night."

          •  Ouch. Reminds me of the Curb Your Enthusisasm (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Jeffersonian Democrat, Dave1955

            episode, "The Christ Nail."

            Larry sees his father pulling up to his new home and realizes he has not yet hung his mezuzah in the door frame.  Desperate for a solution, he steals the "Christ Nail" - an authentic replica from The Passion of the Christ - from his sleeping father-in-law. (The nail was hanging from a necklace he was wearing.)  Larry then quickly hangs the mezuzah before his elderly father shuffles to the front door.

            Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth. - Albert Einstein (-6.5/-7.33)

            by pidge not midge on Tue Jun 10, 2008 at 01:04:39 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

        •  Afterlife (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:

          A Pagan died and, much to her surprise, found herself at the Pearly Gates facing St. Peter. He walked up to her and said, "Hello, and welcome."

          She stared at St. Peter in complete confusion. "Wait a minute," she said. "I was supposed to end up in the Summerlands."

          He smiled. "Ah, you must be one of our Pagan sisters. Follow me, please."

          Peter gestured for her to follow him down a small path, which went through the gates and down a bit to the left. They walked for a short while, then he stepped back and gestured her forward. Looking past his hand, she saw the verdant fields and forests, lakes and streams of her desired Summerlands. She saw people feasting, dancing, and making merry, exactly as she expected.

          While shaking her head in wonder, the Pagan happened to glance over to one side and saw a small group of people a short way away from the edge of the Summerlands.

          The people in the group were watching the revelers, but not joining them. Instead, they were screaming and weeping piteously. The Pagan looked at St. Peter. Who are those people?" she asked.

          St. Peter replied, "Them? They're fundamentalists. They're a bit surprised to see you all there, so they stand there and carry on like that all day."

          "Why? Don't they have better things to do?"

          Peter leaned conspiratorially toward her. "They don't really have a choice. They're actually in Hell. God doesn't like being told what She thinks!"

          Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive and don't ever apologize for anything.
          Harry S Truman

          by Lashe on Tue Jun 10, 2008 at 02:07:21 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

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