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View Diary: Dear DKos LGBT Community. Please help me. (79 comments)

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  •  Since you asked... (13+ / 0-)

    for advice, I'm gonna give you my full 48 yrs of living advice. First, I'm a straight white male, although I do enjoy wearing comfortable loafers. You say you are in your 20's? Sorry, son, but what were you thinking getting married in your 20's? Marriage can be "Forever", or "For-fucking-ever", and it breaks down about even, what with a 50% divorce rate...
    So, after being married for 10 years(married when I was 34), my marriage had turned from one kind of forever to the other. We were preparing to separate, and then divorce, although we generally got along, no knife fights or anything of the sort. But then fate stepped in. My wife, whom I still loved dearly, began to get weak. Really weak. Like too weak to get out of the car to see the Dr. sometimes... Well, the story just gets more sad, suffice to say that she spent a year fighting a losing battle with ovarian cancer. Now, during that year, I cooked every meal she ate, drove her everywhere, keep our business afloat, manipulated finances...man, you can not imagine all you will do for the one you love when the shit is spraying off the fan blades...And during this time, and for the enite time her/"our" estate was being settled, my in-laws hated me. HATED me. Why? Because we were going to get divorced. I was no good for their Princess, you see. Nevermind that I was single-handedly doing everything 2 would do to keep her alive.
    My point? 'Life Is Short". Period. Simple as that. And I'm here to tell you that you never know what tomorrow will bring. No one on this green Earth is going to see to your happiness-except you. You are in charge, now & tomorrow, of your own Happiness. So, here's what you do. However you are able to achieve clarity is irrelevant, but, you need to figure out where your happiness lies. Is it in making your spouse's life complete? Is it in 'cutting & running for survival'? Is it in living for today, and figuring tomorrow out tomorrow? You'll need to figure that out for yourself, but...if being with this person brings you more angst than happiness, never forget: "Life is Short, my friend".  

    well, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time...

    by Thinking Fella on Mon Nov 24, 2008 at 08:56:40 AM PST

    •  So true, and so is the reverse... (6+ / 0-)

      if being with her/him is home to you, then stay even if it's weird and makes no sense, because not a lot of people find that kind of 'home.'

    •  Why I got married in my 20's (6+ / 0-)

      First off, I met my (now spouse) when I was 18 and she was 26. I've also always wanted a family, the more kids the better. My wife and I have never had any arguments that would come close to divorce arguments. we've had our spats but they have always healed easily and been minor. Don't get me wrong, My inlaws think I'm a scumbag because I'm not a rich stockbroker, so I get where you are coming from. But we love each other quite a bit, and are in no way close to divorce.

      •  I guess that settles it then... (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Catte Nappe, Simpletonian, mango

        Second sentnce: "I've always wanted a family, the more kids, the better."
        How do you reconcile wanting kids, with being married to a woman who wants to be a man? I'm no biologist, but...
        I will readily agree that "family" is an amorphous thing, and you may claim whatever 'family' you'd like. But, how do kids figure into your life once your spouse loses her ability to make babies? Of course, you could adopt-well, we should ALL adopt- but...is that what you were thinking when you married? "Gosh, I can see it now...someday, you'll be a man, just like me, and we'll have all these adopted kids..." Or was it more like, "Oh, look how lil Johnny looks just like me, & lil Suzy looks just like you... Let's make more!"
        Do you really want to spent the rest of your days dealing with this, or, would you prefer finding yourself a New Millenium June Cleaver?
        There's something only you can decide, but, remember...Life is Short, how do you want to spend today if you only had 3 days left? figure that out, and you are on your way.

        well, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time...

        by Thinking Fella on Mon Nov 24, 2008 at 09:18:20 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

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