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View Diary: About My Jealousy of Gays (48 comments)

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  •  I Don't Have All the Details (0+ / 0-)

    You're right in that it takes two.  What if he was a more than adequate lover and she just stopped showing up?  They had the kids to raise and she just lost interest, apparently.  Mighty sad. As far as I'm concerned, a person, man or woman, whose spouse neglects them to that extent should have a green light from the rest of us to rejoin the rest of humanity and find some physical companionship where he/she can.  It seems to me that the sexual scrooge is the faithless spouse in such a case.  The so-called adulterer would be behaving reasonably as far as I'm concerned.  Same goes for a woman trapped in such a relationship.  Cold fish can be power-hungry, controlling people.

    The sexual rules can really ruin a person's existence sometimes. He said he felt debased and humiliated, like she owned his pecker. Perhaps the sexual boundaries being expanded by the gay movement can help such a man.

    If that is so, then we must tend our own gardens then.

    by Otherday on Sun Dec 21, 2008 at 10:29:45 PM PST

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    •  Well, I agree that its not about gender here (0+ / 0-)

      If one spouse is diligently trying everything they can to work with the other sexually, and the other wants no part of it, than the one who is trying has little recourse than to seek sex elsewhere.

      I think it is better to split, but not all situations are that easy.  If there are children, the parent may not want to be away from the children, or risk losing custody.

      It is rarely one sided, though.  Sex begins outside the bedroom.  Resentments can build, and lack of attention in other areas can make sex unattractive--especially for many women.

      It is hard to point fingers, when the details are so complex and involved, and I wouldn't anyway, because it is not my life, nor my business.

      I don't understand the "she owned his pecker" thing--if they agreed to have an exclusive arrangement regardless, than he has to extricate himself from the arrangement.  

      It is hard for me to relate--my husband and I do not believe in sexual ownership.  We do not wear rings declaring that we are each other's property.  We are joined and married in love and respect, but are free to have sex with others if we wish, with full disclosure to each other.  If one partner is not wanting that at the moment, we respect each others feelings.  We also have the most amazing sex of our lives together, so I am lucky there, too.

      I think, if I were your friend, and my spouse, despite my trying everything I could to satisfy them and work with them still turned their back to me, I would go elsewhere.  If I didn't feel I could leave because of my kids.

      Sexual boundaries need to be expanded--perhaps my bisexuality has helped me not feel the need for sexual ownership of my partner.  People would be a lot happier if they could be true to who they are.

      History is a collection of choices made and actions taken at a given time.

      by New Aeon For Change 93 on Mon Dec 22, 2008 at 07:45:57 AM PST

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      •  Sexual Integrity is the Issue (0+ / 0-)

        Often the debate around issues like gay marriage boils down to discussions about sexual preference. That's OK as far as it goes, but I think the discussion should be expanded to include everyone: We all have a personal/private right to our own sexual integrity.

        That friend that I mentioned had his sexual integrity violated, I think. Someone else required him to become, essentially, a monk without even bothering to consult him.  Brutal. She had made up her mind.  She wouldn't see a counselor with him.  That's the new rule, buster, take it or leave it.  He left it.  

        If that is so, then we must tend our own gardens then.

        by Otherday on Mon Dec 22, 2008 at 10:09:26 PM PST

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