Skip to main content

View Diary: What I've Learned (23 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  Good morning, Da Dawei! (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Da Dawei, jlms qkw

    Wow. I really needed that sleep. Off and running shortly for a busy day. But I wanted to cite a particular paragraph that I loved, and that I will be taking close to heart:

    In both dating and interviewing, I also tend to be overly-anxious and want to share how so very wonderful I am with the other person and ZOMG you just have to hire/date me because Goodness Gracious I'd be so perfectly awesome as a partner/employee and please please please love and accept me because I am great and then Yayness For Everyone!  Both in dating and in jobs, people don't want overly-anxious applicants; they want someone who is level-headed, confident and can handle pressure.  Getting overly-giddy does not convey such qualities.

    I am extremely confident in work situations. I'm blessed to be very good at what I do [writing], and in my world, if you write well, your clips sell you, not your personality in an interview. Although I'm confident in that arena too.

    But dating and men? OMG. Anxiety city. A good friend has just introduced me to someone very special, though. And I'm determined not to let old patterns of fear get in the way of what really might be, well, something special.

    So I'm taking your words to heart. Thank you.

    And please DO repost these thoughts. There are absolutely no restrictions against reposting a diary that doesn't get a lot of traffic at another time. Label it as a repost, or slightly alter it if you wish. But your insights are VERY valuable, and many Kossacks could benefit from them. Please continue to share your thoughts, in any case!

    Sweet are the uses of adversity...Find tongues in the trees, books in the brooks, and good in everything. -Shakespeare, As You Like It.

    by earicicle on Fri Mar 06, 2009 at 07:19:55 AM PST

    [ Parent ]

    •  Hello earicicle (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      earicicle, allep10

      Glad I could help.  Let me expand on my dating mindset; hopefully it can help you.

      Calming down is easier said than done.  

      In the past I have approached (unsuccessful) first dates with the implicit and false premises that this person is (a) the best person I have ever met [even though I have no facts to back this idea up with] and (b) I will never find another person like this again.  Therefore, (c) I must do everything in my power to show this person just how amazing I am, because if I screw this up I will never meet anyone else, ever, so here I go..... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!!  (Cue oxygen masks dropping from the ceiling.)  I also tend to obsessively plan in advance what the date will look like... this thinking also obstructs my ability to enjoy the moment and further confuses my date, and myself.

      I read an amazing book called "If the Buddha Dated."  In it, the author recommends writing a personals ad based on your internal dialogue.  Once you do that, look at that dialogue and realize that this is the impression you are leaving on people... is this attractive?  Is it even accurate?  I would add that you might want to have your friends help you write a new personals ad, thus potentially changing your internal dialogue as well.

      Let me know how it goes.

      •  So meaningful to me that you've shared (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Da Dawei

        some more of your thoughts.

        The situation I'm embarking on is quite unique, and special. But I'm definitely taking to heart your words about internal dialogue. And I'm definitely trying to be Zen about the whole thing. As hard as that is for this Type A cubed person! Because what is happening is SO extraordinary--not any scenario I ever imagined--it makes it doubly hard to remain calm. And yet ever more important to do so.

        Sorry to be cryptic...this is way more than I planned to say anyway. But I just keep remembering to breathe. And, as you point out, if I convey the person that my friends know...well, I think I'll be just fine.

        Thanks, Da Dawei. I will keep you posted, although I will have to be MOST cryptic when I do. I'm actually an extremely private person!

        Sweet are the uses of adversity...Find tongues in the trees, books in the brooks, and good in everything. -Shakespeare, As You Like It.

        by earicicle on Fri Mar 06, 2009 at 10:24:55 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  No prob (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          earicicle

          Don't share any more than you are comfortable.  Just remember, the other person is just a person, nothing more, nothing less.  They are flawed, moody and probably stinky from time to time, just like the rest of us.  

          Best of luck to you!

          •  LOL! (0+ / 0-)

            "Flawed, moody, and stinky..." What a great way to keep perspective! But me? I'm always polished and perfect! ;-)

            Thanks, Da Dawei.

            Sweet are the uses of adversity...Find tongues in the trees, books in the brooks, and good in everything. -Shakespeare, As You Like It.

            by earicicle on Sat Mar 07, 2009 at 06:23:45 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site