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View Diary: Is Adoption The Better Option? (170 comments)

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  •  As an adoptive mom I can tell you my (5+ / 0-)

    daughter (we just celebrated our 40th 'gotcha day' - anniversary of her adoption), has always wondered about her birth parents (and possibly family), searched for over 20 years (but blocked by TX law which was kept in place by W when he ws TX gov.and is still TX law). This remains an open concern for her but hasn't stopped her for making the best of it and having a happy life.  I hope she does someday learn what she so badly wants to know and damn well deserves to know.  She knows no family medical history and we're unsure now of her birthdate and place as we've learned fabricating those stories was very common with agency (which ours was), adoptions in those times. W's support of prohibiting adopted children who are of legal age from learning any factual info about their adoptions, birth parents, etc. is sickening.  So, adopted people have no rights?  according to W!
    My daughter worked with me in providing safe and legal abortion care and once the anti's learned of it they daily shouted at her how sorry they felt for her since her 'own mother' didn't want her, gave her away, etc.- how's that square with their promotion of adoption?
    She's chosen not to have children (partly because she doesn't know her family of origin's medical history), talked about adoption herself at one time, but finally decided she really didn't want to be a parent.  She and her hubby have a happy life, feel complete and content and never hear from me about their choice.  I would have supported whatever they decided since I love them and want them to be happy- as any parent should.
    The anti's attitude toward her is enough to make anyone hate them- how can they attack someone who's adopted (and had no choice in that), then say they support adoption?  Some might call it irony, I call it rank hypocrisy and hatred of anyone who's 'not like them'- and who would want to be?
    All along, I've told my daughter if she finds her birth parent(s), I'd like to meet them too, tell them how grateful I am for their decision (which I don't think I could make), and possibly extend our family to include them as we're really connected through this 'child'.  She and I have spent much time and money trying to get to the truth- she only wants to know their names, medical history and poss. get a photo of her birthmother. If she could ever meet them, she sure would- but barring that just wants more info- why is that asking so much from the state of TX?  We've posted to every website we know of, petitioned the court (where adoption was granted)repeatedly with 0 results.  She now says she knows she's done all she can and if her birth parent(s) want to find her, they can- so moved on from the 'constant search' mode some time back.  But as we celebrated 'gotcha day', this past Tuesday, she said she'd always want to know 'about' her adoption, but realizes she may never get it and won't let it block her life or happiness.  
    Thanks so much Dr. Harrison for this diary and just one of a birth parent's stories who dares to come forward and tell the truth of her life- it's not all sweetness and light in adoption, for any of the parties involved.  And thanks to all who've read my 'comment' and realize there's the adopted child's story too!  Now you've heard from an adoptive parent as well.  Dr. Harrison provides some of the best informative writings I've ever seen, so thanks again Doc- for all you do for us all and please keep writing.

    •  I have a friend born in TX and given up for (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Nova Land, Fabian

      adoption at the RCC hospital where he was born.  since he learned he was adopted, he has spent tens of thousands of dollars looking for his birthmother.  He is now 76 yrs old, and is still trying to learn about his family.  BTW, he has had a very successful life, three children and four grandchildren and one great grandchild.  He and his second wife, who was the unwedmother of a daughter when he married her 52 years ago, have made a wonderful life for themselves and their children, but he still has an emptinees in his life.  both are very strong supporters of what i do.

      A private gyn office offering full gyn services including abortion care to 18 weeks.

      by william f harrison on Fri Mar 20, 2009 at 03:42:03 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  "He still has emptiness in his life" (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Nova Land

        we all struggle with separation from our parents at some level or another.  Not to diminish your friend's pain, as I don't doubt that his struggle has been real, but would the world be better off without him?  And can you, or anyone say he would have been as successful or made as wonderful a life had he not been adopted?

        None of us can say what would have happened in the life we did not live.  

        If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in the dark with a mosquito.

        by marykk on Fri Mar 20, 2009 at 04:30:47 PM PDT

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        •  i suspect he would have been successful (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Nova Land

          no matter what his birth status.  he was/is very bright, strong willed, charming, funny, physically attractive and achieved most most of his success because of these attributes.  had he been raised by the unwed mother, back in the days he grew up, i suspect that he would have been just as, and maybe even more successful.  who knows?

          A private gyn office offering full gyn services including abortion care to 18 weeks.

          by william f harrison on Fri Mar 20, 2009 at 07:32:03 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •   bright, strong willed, charming, funny, (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Nova Land, Fabian

            and these are exclusively genetic attributes?  I think not.  It's nature and nurture, not one or the other.

            He could also have been dropped on his little baby head, or shaken by a frustrated parent.

            Who knows?  Nobody.  Absolutely nobody.  To say that one's life would have been better or worse under other circumstances is nothing but speculation.  

            If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in the dark with a mosquito.

            by marykk on Fri Mar 20, 2009 at 07:57:38 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

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