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View Diary: Living With Autism/Aspergers w/FAQ (174 comments)

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  •  I don't think it's realistic. (1+ / 0-)
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    Wee Mama

    I was taught to ask.  And my friends were taught to answer.  :-)

    -5.63, -8.10. Learn about Duverger's Law.

    by neroden on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 08:04:07 AM PDT

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    •  Asking for one true interpretation... (3+ / 0-)

      ... of a nonverbal cue is itself an "autistic" way of looking at people. Either black or white, either you have empathy or you don't, the right "cues" or you don't...

      There can be more than one possibility in an isolated nonverbal. You have to look at the person's entire body, a mixture of different nonverbals, to get closer to accuracy. And even then, you may still miss the mark unless you hear their voice.

      And that doesn't even factor frustration and conflicting emotional needs into the mix. The nonverbal cues all around you may be telling you, "I don't want to be your friend"; but if this is your main or only social group, you want friends, and your desire to have friends is likely going to override the need to abide by the social cues around you. Ergo, you're going to act against those cues, and look "inappropriate".

      Real Democrats don't abandon the middle class. --John Kerry

      by Lucy Montrose on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 08:21:23 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Well, you did ask (0+ / 0-)

        "is it realistic to expect somebody to correctly guess what someone is feeling just by looking at nonverbals alone... "

        So I was saying "No, it's not realistic".  If it doesn't matter whether I get it exactly right, I don't ask, but if it does, I do.

        -5.63, -8.10. Learn about Duverger's Law.

        by neroden on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 04:45:32 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  And my best friend (0+ / 0-)

          who does pick up emotions and social cues subconsciously, will say outright that one of the things he really appreciates about me is that he can talk, on a pure 'text' level, with me, without having to focus on subtext.  He finds this a relief and finds that it eliminates a lot of confusion and mistakes, and he wishes more people were blunt and straightforward.  

          So I think it's fair to say that expecting people to pick these things up isn't reasonable for anyone.  Despite this, people do expect it.  :-P

          -5.63, -8.10. Learn about Duverger's Law.

          by neroden on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 05:28:36 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

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