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View Diary: Living With Autism/Aspergers w/FAQ (174 comments)

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  •  Well my daughter never has those nor do I (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Cassandra Waites

    but she's had plenty of meltdowns over frustration. In such cases, there seems to be no reasoning with her or with me. But we find that with time, usually a matter of 20 minutes or so, she's back to normal. I take a good deal longer.

    "crush in it's birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government" -Thomas Jefferson

    by Phil In Denver on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 08:07:24 AM PDT

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    •  For me it also takes time (3+ / 0-)

      But if my frustration was with other people (as opposed to a project or something), I had to first be promised that my frustration will be dealt with "later", or my frustration would peserverate and spiral up, and up, and up, and up, and go on for effectively forever.  If I had a promise of help later, I could calm down within a finite amount of time.

      (Perhaps I had too many very young experiences of never having the problems dealt with; people just isolated me because I'd melted down and when I'd calmed down they acted like things were better, which they WEREN'T, the DAMNED IDIOTS, I'm getting angry even thinking about it.)

      -5.63, -8.10. Learn about Duverger's Law.

      by neroden on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 08:13:28 AM PDT

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      •  My daughter does exactly the same thing (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        codeman38

        and I guess I do too, to a lesser degree. We have to tell her something to placate her, but she may be worse than you on that. Simply telling her that her concern will be addressed often isn't enough. I'm hoping that improves with age.

        "crush in it's birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government" -Thomas Jefferson

        by Phil In Denver on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 08:19:13 AM PDT

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      •  So here is a question (5+ / 0-)

        I've got this project manager see, and the guy is always trying to get us all to have social gatherings and have lunch together. God I really hate it. I just want to do my work and go home, I'm not here to socialize.

        I know he probably doesn't think I'm a "team player" if you know what I mean. But when I go to those damn things I just sit there and eat my lunch and don't really have anything to converse about. It's agony for me.

        How do I get out of this without pissing off this overly NT manager?

        "crush in it's birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government" -Thomas Jefferson

        by Phil In Denver on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 08:23:25 AM PDT

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        •  You may not be able to get out of it... (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          codeman38, Cassandra Waites

          ...your manager may have included "hold regular lunch meetings to foster a sense of teamwork" on his list of performance review goals, for all we know, so he may see deviation from this goal or plan as counter to his own best interests, as well as the team's. If you cannot beg off attending them (perhaps try to win his sympathy by confessing to having a "mild social phobia" that makes eating with others a very anxious experience for you, and suggest that you be allowed to work through the occasional team lunch instead?), then your best bet is to develop a few coping skills.

          I feel your pain - I despised "social" or "team-building" lunches at a few of my former workplaces, mostly because my colleagues had very different interests than I did (and also, like you, I just wanted to do my work and go home). It was especially painful and stilted when the team I was working on included a bunch of Actuaries, who (sorry, Actuaries!) tend to be extreme introverts with interests that run to things like baseball statistics. For me, this was torture.

          I don't have much trouble with social interaction on a normal basis, but for some reason these lunch meetings were hellish. In self-defense, I started preparing a list of topics I could bring up that I either knew a fair amount about, or had a lot of trivial knowledge pertaining to the subject. I would also check YouTube and find out what the most popular viral videos were at the moment.

          Then, at these lunches, if the conversation ground to a halt (and it always did), I would bring up one of these topics - usually framed as "my brother-in-law [or sister, or an old colleague] sent me an interesting web link the other day, has anyone seen [fill in the blank]?" Then I would introduce the topic, and usually at least a couple of people would have some interest or an anecdote about it. You look like you're making an effort, the manager notices this, and you're off the hook if the conversation dies afterwards - at least you tried, right?

          It seems like a clinical approach to forced social interaction, but it worked for me.  Good luck!

        •  Well, you do have (0+ / 0-)

          a diagnosed disability, and there is the Americans with Disabilities Act, right?

          Perhaps you could approach the project manager at a time far, far away from one of these forced social events, and explain that you have a "social anxiety disorder" (which is true) and that, while you are would be comfortable at working/collaborative lunches or get-together which have a specific, work-related goal in mind, that required attendance/participation in these social-only events have a medically negative impact on you.

          Evil is making the premedicated choice to be a dick -- Jason Stackhouse

          by Frankenoid on Tue Jul 28, 2009 at 06:54:39 PM PDT

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