Skip to main content

View Diary: A news story about sexual offenders and what boys should learn in sex education class (100 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  It's actually common... (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    DaleA, Cassandra Waites, kyril

    ...for male teachers to be excused as well.  It's highly variable; jurisdictional approaches are very different, and you also are dealing with whatever judge or DA is assigned to the particular case.  

    Parental reaction also makes a difference.  In one case, a man having sex with a 13 year old leads to marriage and dismissal of all charges, in another a conviction and lifetime sex registry.  The difference? In the first case, the very religious parents settled for marriage.  In the second case, a very upset father pushed for a conviction.

    What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.

    by Alec82 on Sat Jul 25, 2009 at 10:57:46 PM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  Looking back to my own HS years (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Cassandra Waites, kyril, Alec82

      there were quite a few teachers at my school that had inappropriate contact with students, yet to my knowledge I don't think any of them got "caught" and of course the kids might have thought it "gross", but didn't recognize it as a real crime and report it.

      Your political compass Economic Left/Right: -6.50 Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.67

      by bythesea on Sat Jul 25, 2009 at 11:29:22 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Interesting (4+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        kurt, bythesea, Cassandra Waites, kyril

        I was hit on twice when I was in HS, once by a male teacher and another time by a female teacher.  Both were relatively young (22-23) and it happened when I was 18.  It was comically obvious.  

        I don't think that per se, is a major problem.  I brushed it off, and I suspect most students would.  When it happens in middle school, I'm more worried.  

        My sister starts HS in two months, though.  Ask me how I feel then. :-)

        What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.

        by Alec82 on Sat Jul 25, 2009 at 11:35:34 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Well one of my teachers (4+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          DaleA, Cassandra Waites, kyril, Alec82

          on the freshmen level was long rumored to pass certain failing boys in exchange for having sex with her.  I always assumed this was probably made up by the guys, but years later I learned that not only was it true, but something she relished telling some of her tight-lipped peers about.  Less serious, my freshmen male "Science" teacher sexually harrassed girls in his class (but to my knowledge went no further).  Now I realize just how young those girls were to be hit on by a guy in his forties.

          Your political compass Economic Left/Right: -6.50 Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.67

          by bythesea on Sat Jul 25, 2009 at 11:47:48 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  That's different, of course (4+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            bythesea, Cassandra Waites, kyril, vadasz

            This is all line drawing, mind you.  I went out on a few dates with a 19 year old when I was 22 and felt dirty. The trick seems to be drawing the right lines and making sure that people understand why they are the right lines to draw.

             My sophomore math teacher kept creepy photos of his female students up on his wall.  My freshman science teacher hit on female students.  

            The problem, ultimately, is that we don't have a rational approach to sexuality in the states.  It's all ad hoc.  And parents are too reluctant to discuss it with their children and our own sex ed suffers as a result.  

            Reasons I am a Francophile.  

            What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.

            by Alec82 on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 12:08:01 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  If you don't mind me saying (4+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              kbman, kurt, kyril, Alec82

              I think it's totally ridiculous to feel dirty about dating a 19 year old, especially when you were 22.  The line is consenting and adult outside of a professional or power relationship imo, and and even the technically adult thing should be a grey area if the individuals are close in age (a 17 year old and a 19 year old fucking shouldn't be a crime).

              Your political compass Economic Left/Right: -6.50 Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.67

              by bythesea on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 12:20:28 AM PDT

              [ Parent ]

              •  Well it is ridiculous (2+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                bythesea, kyril

                Would it be as absurd now? I'm 26.  

                I agree with you when it comes to the proper lines.  I just don't think that we're remotely honest in this country about the line drawing.  A forty year old having a relationship with an 18 year old is entirely different from a 20 year old having a relationship with an 18 year old. And I'd add that a 30 year old sexually abusing a 12 year old is not remotely similar to a 19 year old having sex with a 15 year old.

                But we can't have honest discussions about sex in this country.  

                What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.

                by Alec82 on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 12:32:25 AM PDT

                [ Parent ]

                •  Yes it would be (3+ / 0-)
                  Recommended by:
                  kurt, kyril, Alec82

                  I think once you are an adult it's fine if that's what you want.  "Gross" to me personally is not a valid measure.  I've seen people torn apart for suggesting it here, but I think the age of consent should be comparable to what it is in much of the Western world.  As personally uncomfortable as I feel about relationships with large gaps in age, the idea is supposed to be based on whether one has the mental and emotional capacity to actually realistically be competent to consent.  IIRC in Canada it's either 15 or 16 unless it's power relationship (like teacher-student or employer-employee, then it's 18).  That sounds about right to me in terms of legality, even though I'm personally just uncomfortable with large gaps in age and have always been drawn to guys relatively close to my own age.  I also strongly believe in "Romeo and Juliet" exceptions were those close in age but technically on opposites side of wherever we draw the line are exempted.  We actually have people in prison for having sex with a SO one year or six months younger and that makes no sense.

                  Your political compass Economic Left/Right: -6.50 Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.67

                  by bythesea on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 12:48:26 AM PDT

                  [ Parent ]

                  •  Here in Asia older men (30 to 60+) often (1+ / 0-)
                    Recommended by:
                    kyril

                    have relationships with much younger women (late teens or early twenties).

                    I remember during the Lewinsky scandal... the main question I got was "Why does your president have such an UGLY mistress?!?!"

                    There is usually a financial component in such relationships but it would be a mistake to see it as just that.  Many of the women involved have enough money to get by without help - for example girls whose families are putting them through college and who have enough money to meet basic needs.  

                    Having an older high status boyfriend is in itself a status symbol for many young women and there is often a mentoring component involved.  As someone who recruits staff in Asia I can certainly confirm that a 23 year old girl who has been dating a 40 year old company boss for the past 5 years presents herself very differently in an interview from a 23 year old girl who has been dating college students for the past five years.

                    These women can be mistresses or real girl friends who often end up becoming wives.

                    Families (of both parties) often know about the relationship and accept it.

                    Japan, as usual in sexual matters is the outlier and is just totally weird.  Look up compensated dating if you want an introduction.

                    •  Hmm (1+ / 0-)
                      Recommended by:
                      kyril

                      Well one of my friends from HS became involved with a woman who was 53 at the time when he was just 18 (and I admit I found that repugnant at the time) but they have remained together ever since and have married apparently quite happily (We're both in our 30's now).  That is a successful relationship I have to say and while definitely not my thing, is their business and I have to admit it worked for them.

                      Your political compass Economic Left/Right: -6.50 Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.67

                      by bythesea on Sun Jul 26, 2009 at 01:16:50 AM PDT

                      [ Parent ]

                      •  Different strokes for different folks... (1+ / 0-)
                        Recommended by:
                        bythesea

                        Personally, I'm far more likely to chase women 35 years younger than me than 35 years older than me once I am at an age where both activities are legal where I live, but hey... whatever rocks his boat.

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site