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View Diary: WGLB presents: Fight Fire with Water. (222 comments)

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  •  LOL. I can be a hard person. Very hard. (7+ / 0-)

    And, at times, hard hearted, too -- towards those who truly deserve it.  As I think my dad is going to discover soon.  The kind of steel he helped forge ;).

    I don't apologize for it.  I was made (forged) that way.  That's another consequence of what the country's attitude towards GLBT people has done.  It's a subtle distinction between that and angry and revenge based, but it's not QUITE the same thing.

    "I'm sorry, I just don't have the votes" - Me, sometime in November, 2010 (-6.62, -6.26)

    by AndyS In Colorado on Fri Aug 28, 2009 at 11:50:31 AM PDT

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    •  I completely sympathize, believe me (5+ / 0-)

      My father destroyed my childhood and thereby tried to destroy my adulthood (I'm a sexual abuse survivor). He almost succeeded too. But he's been dead a long time and when I think about him at all, it's usually with sadness - he genuinely had some great qualities and he could have been a great father.

      My mother, on the other hand, is still very much alive and still doesn't understand her role in the abuse. However, I've chosen to have a relationship with her and the only way I could do that was to forgive her. Does that mean that I let her get away with her delusions? No - not when she's around me anyway. Does that mean I would trust her to protect my own child? Not a bit. But I love her and I try to keep any "confrontations" gentle and from a place of love and compassion.

      This approach doesn't work for everyone but it worked for me (although I had to move 1700 miles away from her for 10 years to get to this place). I try never to judge the coping methods that others use to survive a terrible childhood or any other horrible experience. I haven't lived their life, so how could I know what is necessary for them to survive? Like you said, it's a subtle difference - but you know there is a difference and that's what's important. You shouldn't have to apologize for it - particularly not to anyone who hasn't been through what you've been through.

      For Ted Kennedy, it was never about him...it was always about you. - Joe Biden

      by ajewella on Fri Aug 28, 2009 at 12:40:05 PM PDT

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      •  I didn't speak to him for 20 years. (5+ / 0-)

        And you're right there's a difference between being hard and being gratuitously cruel.

        Had my father spoken to me, I would have counseled him not to come here if he wasn't prepared for pain and rememberance. Because he's going to get it.  When he comes here it's going to be like falling 50 feet onto bare asphalt.

        He doesn't know anyone out here but us.  And mercy at least in my case is limited.  I have a life to live and none of his bullshit to put up with -- ever again.

        In an abstract sense it's sad, because he's going to be very lonely being out here.  I don't go out of my way to hurt him, but about once a year or so is all I can stand.

        "I'm sorry, I just don't have the votes" - Me, sometime in November, 2010 (-6.62, -6.26)

        by AndyS In Colorado on Fri Aug 28, 2009 at 12:52:13 PM PDT

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