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View Diary: Morning Feature: Corrective Measures? (Ask Ms. Crissie) (182 comments)

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    Have I ever mentioned I have kids? I wasn't sure if it had ever come up in conversation ;)

    I am the Professor of Mediamaternity. I lurked on DKos for a few months before becoming a member, then lurked for another few months before making a comment.  I found compatible idealogy at Dkos; I found a home at Morning Feature.

    I lived in six different places by my sixth birthday which is probably why I don't consider anyplace "home".  We lived in New York (twice) Oklahoma (twice) and California (twice). Since then I've lived in Houston and Austin, Boston, Chicago, Tokyo, and various Boston suburbs. We'll probably be here until the girls graduate to give them the permanence that I didn't have -- although I'm still feeling a lot of wonderlust. Sigh...

    I have an undergrad in English because I love reading and writing and detest math. For the next decade, I worked as a Budget Analyst. I then got a master in Human Resources, concentrating in Training and Development. I taught New Associates at a mutual fund company, which prepared me well for motherhood. Yikes.

    The big confession: I'm not a "K" girl... That refers to my daughters.  

    There is nothing more frightening than ignorance in action ~ Goethe

    by theKgirls on Sun Nov 15, 2009 at 05:45:46 AM PST

    [ Parent ]

    •  A fellow gypsy! (7+ / 0-)

      I should have been born with a caravan attached. ;)

      And now you've posed us a problem:  If you're not a Kgirl, what the heck do we call you now?  

      More hugggs, dear lady. :)

      "No man is my enemy, my own hands imprison me, love rescue me." -- Love Rescue Me/U2

      by winterbanyan on Sun Nov 15, 2009 at 05:48:32 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  it's madness around here this morning and (7+ / 0-)

        I haven't had a chance to say good morning to you winter!

        MrKgirls is in Asia and he stayed at the same hotel as Geitner and the rest of the US delegation in Singapore. He was feeling pretty important when he got upgraded to a suite on the top floor. Take that, dignitaries! He had to go through two metal detectors(but no frisking like a few people he saw) to get to his room. MrKgirls left a few hours before Pres Obama's arrival, where the security was sure to be more intense... But now he's in Shanghai and Pres Obama is due to arrive shortly. He's being stalked!

        So between the phone calls and cooking and the general kid craziness, I'm in and out so much I can't follow a thread. But good morning and loads of huggggggs winter!

        There is nothing more frightening than ignorance in action ~ Goethe

        by theKgirls on Sun Nov 15, 2009 at 06:06:05 AM PST

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        •  I know you have your hands (more than) full (6+ / 0-)

          You have a very busy life.  Unlike some of us who live at the computer because we work at the computer and can take a few minute here and there to pop in :)

          And imagine Obama stalking Mr. Kgirls.  I wouldn't have thought that of him.  I shall have to re-evaluate... but not for the reason so many on this site are doing so. ;)

          Loads and loads of hugggs to you and the girls.

          "No man is my enemy, my own hands imprison me, love rescue me." -- Love Rescue Me/U2

          by winterbanyan on Sun Nov 15, 2009 at 06:16:27 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

    •  Thanks. Maybe we should tap you for one (5+ / 0-)

      of the in-services.

      Human Resources, concentrating in Training and Development

      Much of life is knowing what to Google

      by JanF on Sun Nov 15, 2009 at 05:48:59 AM PST

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    •  I went to 19 different schools (7+ / 0-)

      to complete my k-12 education.  Some of the places were California, Florida, Texas, Minnesota.  I still have wanderlust.  But these days, it's satisfied with frequent travel rather than moving everything.

      •  wow... I'll be you'd be a great politician (7+ / 0-)

        You must be fabulous at meeting people! I was a very shy kid and being new worked to my advantage. The common wisdom is to move over the summer so kids can start the new school year, but I found it so much better to come in mid-year -- the teacher introduced me to the class and my classmates tripped over themselves to get the privlege of showing the new girl around.  

        I have to admit that the idea of packing up the house makes me happy to stay here for a while longer...  Packing ::shudder::

        There is nothing more frightening than ignorance in action ~ Goethe

        by theKgirls on Sun Nov 15, 2009 at 06:13:47 AM PST

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        •  I can definitely chat with just about anyone (8+ / 0-)

          at any time.  I also learned at a very early age that different places have different cultures.  But I'm so bluntly honest and non-photogenic that I don't think being a politician is a good career choice:-)

          Instead of making lots of new friends when we moved, I went through a very introverted phase from ages 8-15.  I love to read and during that time I just lived in my books.  One of my parents' more benign punishment techniques was to remove all my books.  

          I still find it difficult to form more than a superficial relationship with most people. Going back to the trust discussions.  I don't expect people to be in my life for more than a short period of time.  It's tough to build community in a highly mobile society.  I'm mulling over the issue of common good.  Thinking about how the early pioneers who crossed the Oregon Trail absolutely had to trust and rely on one another for their survival.

          Worse than packing is the thought of trying to sell a house in this economy.  Everything in my neighborhood has been sitting unsold for many months.

          •  The non-photogenic would not end your career (6+ / 0-)

            as a politician but the bluntly honest would not fit well in that climate. ;-)

            I moved with about 2 months left in 2nd grade to halfway across the country. Because I talked "funny" (from Massachusetts) the kids at my new school made fun of me and I conveniently had laryngitis until school was out that year. We moved again right before 6th grade. Both moves were pretty traumatic from a social standpoint.

            I also have a hard time developing deep friendships and I have no connections to the people I went to grade school, high school or college with. When I see people who have known each other since kindergarten it is amazing to me.

            I coped by becoming a class clown (although I did read a lot also).

            Much of life is knowing what to Google

            by JanF on Sun Nov 15, 2009 at 07:52:46 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

            •  Reading was my best friend :) (4+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              JanF, DBunn, NCrissieB, theKgirls

              Books came with me wherever I went, and I haunted libraries.  In fact, I knew the librarians better than I knew my classmates.

              Being non-photogenic myself, I was a little horrified to discover that someone I thought was filming me at a conference for their own personal use instead plastered me on YouTube and their webpage.

              And no, I'm not saying where.  Ever.  Never.

              "No man is my enemy, my own hands imprison me, love rescue me." -- Love Rescue Me/U2

              by winterbanyan on Sun Nov 15, 2009 at 11:40:10 AM PST

              [ Parent ]

              •  Moved a fair bit myself (4+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                JanF, winterbanyan, NCrissieB, theKgirls

                Oregon, London, Oregon, North Carolina, Rhode Island, Munich, and Rhode Island again, all before 8th grade. Then my family moved to California the week after I graduated high school, while I went to college in Massachusetts. One result, I am not in touch with anyone from grade school or high school, hardly anyone from college. Another result, I've lived in the same (gorgeous) place for 36 years.

                I read a lot too, as a kid. Also, I have more experience of trans-continental train travel and trans-Atlantic ocean voyages than a lot of people.

                :::

                That YouTube thing doesn't sound like a lot of fun for you. My sympathies. Here, have a hugg.

          •  This is a common issue ... (4+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            JanF, DBunn, winterbanyan, Caractacus

            ... with those of us who moved a lot as children:

            I still find it difficult to form more than a superficial relationship with most people. Going back to the trust discussions. I don't expect people to be in my life for more than a short period of time.

            There are studies showing that this is the norm for children who move often. (E.g.: this 2003 study.) The break point seems to be two school changes by age 10 or three school changes by age 15, not including those where the child changes schools along with his/her classmates (e.g.: elementary to middle school or middle to high school). Other longitudinal studies which we can't find immediately suggested that moves within a school district seem to have little effect, and that the trust-inhibiting effects of childhood mobility persist into adulthood. This implies that school - not the nuclear family - is a child's primary "community."

            Good afternoon! ::hugggggs::

            •  Interesting (4+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              JanF, winterbanyan, NCrissieB, theKgirls

              You can add me to the list, for anecdotal corroboration (see my comment just above).

              Seems like MF has a surprisingly high population of folks with this profile. Don't know what to make of that.

            •  A lot of psychology research I know supports (2+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              JanF, NCrissieB

              the idea that a child's peer group after grade 3 is a significantly more influential social force than any other, including parental influence.

              The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think. - Edwin Schlossberg

              by Caractacus on Sun Nov 15, 2009 at 09:45:27 PM PST

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              •  Child development ideas ... (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                JanF

                ... like "it all goes back to the parents" and "kids' personalities are fixed by the time they start school" are very resilient, despite evidence that they're not entirely true.

                The idea of the nuclear family as an insular community sufficient for child development was attractive for a number of reasons. Recall then Senator Bob Dole's rebuttal to then First Lady Hillary Clinton's book It Takes A Village:

                And after the virtual devastation of the American family, the rock [upon which] this country was founded we are told that it takes a village, that is, the collective, and thus, the state, to raise a child. The state is now more involved than it has ever been in the raising of children, and children are now more neglected, abused, and more mistreated than they have been in our time. This is not a coincidence, and with all due respect I am here to tell you it does not take a village to raise a child. It takes a family to raise a child.

                But Senator Dole's declaration doesn't match the data. As developmental psychology moved away from anecdotal evidence cherry-picked to support the myth of the insular and sufficient nuclear family, and  toward more rigorous longitudinal-statistical analysis, evidence began to show that children develop within larger communities. Whether influence from the larger community is necessary (the thesis of Secretary Clinton's book) misses the point. Unless parents go to great lengths to isolate their children from non-family contact - and that carries its own serious developmental risks - community influence happens and it shapes children more than some parents like.

                Moreover, the evidence suggests our personalities remain fluid at least into early adulthood. That is no surprise for anyone who went through military recruit training, or has seen or dealt with PTSD after a traumatic event. But evidence shows that adult  personalities can be shaped by less extreme forces: subcultures at jobs, churches, etc.

              •  Can you link to some of that research? (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                NCrissieB

                If it is not too technical, I would like to read it.

                Much of life is knowing what to Google

                by JanF on Mon Nov 16, 2009 at 03:20:10 AM PST

                [ Parent ]

      •  The Itchy Feet Syndrome (7+ / 0-)

        I have always been absolutely amazed at how often the early settlers/immigrants moved from place to place.  Of course, they didn't have much stuff to move, but I think of the women in long shirts and petticoats walking through tall grasses and I conclude, my feet would be rooted firmly in one spot on the ground.

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