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View Diary: "Something fierce and imperishable...." (28 comments)

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  •  What happened, Pantherq? (4+ / 0-)

    Can you tell your story?  I know this is far more common than I realized - but it always shocks me.

    "Never trust a rich man when he offers you a truce."

    by KibbutzAmiad on Fri Jan 01, 2010 at 09:06:09 AM PST

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    •  Unfortunately I will have to wait on full... (2+ / 0-)
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      4Freedom, Pandoras Box

      ... disclosure. My memory from the last year has been scarred by ptsd and seizure medication leaving most of what I do remember in a fog of unreality. So unreal it still reeks of hallucination, quite elaborate ones at that.

      Such as running into Dr. House at the local smokeshop buying a bong, him not me, I prefer make my own. Where he tells me I have Williams Syndrome and related cardiac problems that require treatment. The county health services were there but would not take me involuntarily, I could not make any decision on the medication I was on, it mixed up my brain too much, so I did not go.

      This was above and beyond the times I had Jon Stewart following me around with a motor home trying to give it to me. I'm transgendered so the thought that someone would help me was and is quite improbable.

      This problem was possibly diagnosed in my childhood but the symptoms made my ability to process what I was told was compounded by social climbing parents appalled by the myriad of issues that branded me the other, hence my existence was solely a source of shame to them. And from the events of the last year I still am.

      I'm starting to get into the counties mh program again but I'm terrified they threw me to the wolves last time and if it was not a year of hallucinations many people died deaths that could have been prevented. I tried to get them to listen to my side not just once but at least three times. But I'm transgendered so anything I told the authorities that could have prevented a year of abject horror was considered lies or hallucinations on my part and easily disregarded. So much for asking for help when I'm desperately trying to survive. So here I am again without stability or healthcare although I'm still suffering injuries incurred while in the counties care, and still have issues with social development that leave me vulnerable to predation and erratic behavior. Although my behavior has returned to normal impulsiveness and not terrified panic attacks due to persecution and toxic medication.

      So either I have had hallucinations over the last year that have actually left me with ptsd and social diseases or I was left to die when I could handle no more. And after they finally did wake up to the fact that I wasn't causing mayhem I was left to suffer crushing depression without knowing that I could get help because they finally believed me.

      Everything points to my being treated like fecal matter if I take all of the dissonant facts into account. If not it was the worlds longest hallucination. And like I said exceedingly elaborate.

      Anyone willing to throw me a bone and tell me what happened?

      "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all" Andrew Carnegie

      by pantherq on Fri Jan 01, 2010 at 09:40:35 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Have you ever (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        4Freedom, Pandoras Box

        tried contacting the National Association for the Mentally Ill?  (NAMI) They are often good and very understanding.

        May you find clarity and peace.  

        "Never trust a rich man when he offers you a truce."

        by KibbutzAmiad on Fri Jan 01, 2010 at 10:19:16 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  I will try. (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          4Freedom, Pandoras Box

          Do they provide advocacy services? That is probably what I need the most. I know that local services are going to keep me in the dark as long as possible due to their own complicity. They don't seem to appreciate the fact that I have stability I lacked when I sought help from them last time.

          I hate having the feeling of knowing subconsciously what really happened while in the meta world I'm treated as if was all my own imagination. And as I said too many clues point to my memories being just that memories. You can't imagine the distress I'm in while the world keeps me in the dark about my being treated that way. Subconsciously I do know the truth, it just makes it easier for me to digest if I keep it in the realm of hallucinations and thus not what did happen to me and my family.

          "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all" Andrew Carnegie

          by pantherq on Fri Jan 01, 2010 at 10:35:38 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  here is (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            4Freedom, Pandoras Box

            a link :  http://www.nami.org/

            I am sorry you are in this kind of pain.

            "Never trust a rich man when he offers you a truce."

            by KibbutzAmiad on Fri Jan 01, 2010 at 11:35:39 AM PST

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            •  The pain is transitory. (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              Pandoras Box

              The absence of answers is what is holding me back at this point. I know even on this site I have been referred to as puma and received hints as to what has been going on in my life so this is not just in my own head type of thing.

              As to nami I sent an email and got a robo reply which seems to be the only response I have been getting from any source. I will be amazed if I get anything from them beyond a referral to agencies I'm already in contact with. Social services in this country have degenerated into a phone number daisy chain where no agency can actually do anything more than refer you elsewhere.

              I'm struggling to  find a way to find out what happened not just for me but those that have also suffered due to events that occurred. Plus like I said I'm aware of my need for medical attention now due to injuries incurred and am lacking the resources to address them. So I wait until the county here tells me it is okay for me to go to the dr. Last time I got treated poorly and did not receive any medical attention despite evidence of serious injuries. On top of the mental health stuff.

              What really bites is the fact I could have gotten help then but was too sick to know it.

              "Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all" Andrew Carnegie

              by pantherq on Fri Jan 01, 2010 at 12:19:48 PM PST

              [ Parent ]

              •  NAMI can point you in the right direction (0+ / 0-)

                The best way to engage NAMI is to go to a local support group meeting. From there you can learn about their programs. They have a 12 week program called Peer to Peer where mental health consumers (those who use mental health services) teach others how to manage their illness.

                I attended their Family to Family 12 week program so that I could better assist my sister who has a severe mental illness.

                Good luck with your quest for better health.

                Take Care.

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