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View Diary: Nursing Home: When it's time (99 comments)

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  •  This is terribly bad form... (4+ / 0-)

    ...but I'm going to post the introduction to a diary I started a couple of years ago and never finished.  It kind of relates to the subject at hand, and I don't know what else I'd do with it but let it sit and rot

    I had been there myself, not too long before, been in the state of mind where my wife was this past spring [now 3 years ago -- ds], just a few years earlier when I was responsible for the care of an invalid aunt in a nursing home.  Now my wife needed my words of advice, needed my guidance, needed the benefit of my experience.

    But what was I going to tell her?  That no matter what she did she'd beat herself up over it every single day?  That no matter what she decided, she'd lay awake at night agonizing over whether she had made the right decision?  That no matter how well her decisions turned out, she would constantly wonder if adifferent decision might have turned out even better?  Nah, she didn't need what I had to tell her.

    ---------

    My father-in-law's deterioration had been sudden and -- despite some warning signs -- largely unexpected.  Perhaps he hid the mental lapses well, perhaps my mother-in-law was in denial and didn't share all the concerns she may have had, perhaps his mounting physical problems -- heart problems, glaucoma, and crippling arthritis among them -- distracted everyone from the evidence that something else was going on.

    When he fell and suffered another break, and then subsequently moved from the hospital to the extended care facility for rehabilitation, he evidently decided -- after two hip replacements, a repair or two to those, and rehab from some subsequent falls and breaks -- that he'd had enough and just gave up any attempts to force himself through the painful physical routine.

    And at the same time, the mental problems suddenly became alarmingly obvious.  Alzheimer's had been diagnosed, but now the decline kicked in at a relentless pace.  Maybe there had been a stroke; the doctors weren't sure.  One thing was certain -- he would not be going home.

    We can have democracy in this country, or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both. - Justice Louis D. Brandeis

    by dsteffen on Wed May 12, 2010 at 04:17:31 PM PDT

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    •  I think you ought to make a diary of it (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      dsteffen, second alto, KelleyRN2

      if you read the comments that started this diary it - this is similar.

      PLEASE finish that diary!

      Plus NurseKelly is there to pimp it ;-)

      "He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it." - Douglas Adams

      by Clytemnestra on Wed May 12, 2010 at 04:28:22 PM PDT

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