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View Diary: She Wore Pearls and Bruises. My Mom (224 comments)

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  •  Mother's Day can also be difficult (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    seeta08, Onomastic

    for both adult and minor children of abusive mothers.  In all our paeans to mothers and all they've done for us, we should remember those for whom this praise only reinforces suffering and abuse.

    (This is not me, but it's an issue I never even thought of until I saw someone's words about how a pastor's words about loving and respecting mothers could be isolating and traumatic for an abused child.)

    My comments may not be used for any purpose without explicit permission.

    by cai on Mon May 10, 2010 at 09:52:43 AM PDT

    •  Couldn't agree more cai. (3+ / 0-)
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      seeta08, cai, Yasuragi

      I hold my mother responsible for her stuff and my fathers responsible for theirs.

      They all left scars.

      Stepping up to life eliminates the capacity for bullshit. - Robinswing

      by Onomastic on Mon May 10, 2010 at 10:15:37 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  sisters (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        seeta08, Yasuragi, Onomastic

        After the boys and I left, I was a mess.  Not good for them, nor myself.  Eventually I went to work as a police radio dispatcher, hiding in a sea of blue uniforms.  Many is the time women would call the department for help, advice or just to talk about their situations, such as mine had been.  We (my fellow dispatchers) and I always had a cheat-sheet ready with advice on how to leave - extra money, sets of car keys, small suitcase packed, SSN and birth certificate info, etc.  I don't know if we ever helped anyone get away without there being any police intervention, but we tried.  You'd be shocked at the number of women in the dispatch profession who were also hiding in that sea of blue uniforms. You'd also be shocked by the indifference of the policemen who answered domestic calls.  Remember this was almost 55 years ago, and there were no shelters, no assistance, and almost no prosecution of the batterers.  Thank god things have changed, but sometimes, when the battered strikes back at the batterer, she in sentenced to prison as "murdering her spouse".  Hogwash - it is self protection of the most basic kind. Women deserve better.

        On a planetary scale, habitat and life are interchangeable.

        by libbys mom on Mon May 10, 2010 at 10:30:32 AM PDT

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        •  I know libby's mom. (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          seeta08, Yasuragi

          The lack of logic about all this drives me nuts sometimes. If a stranger held us hostage and attacked us. And if we killed that stranger in an attempt to save ourselves it's clearly a case of self defense.

          So how does tacking on the "domestic" connotation change that basic reality?

          It doesn't.

          And by the way, I'm the same age as your oldest son, so I'm old enough to remember how it used to be.

          It took a town in either Conneticut or RI loosing a law suit for big bucks because of the police departments handling of an abuse case for things to even begin to turn around.

          Stepping up to life eliminates the capacity for bullshit. - Robinswing

          by Onomastic on Mon May 10, 2010 at 11:45:51 AM PDT

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          •  it is funny how money makes them sit up (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            seeta08, Yasuragi, Onomastic

            and take notice, doesn't it?  I applauded the day that the federal government got involved, making abusive threats and physical abuse across state lines a federal crime.  I don't have much use for most men, but SOME are kind and decent and caring. The FBI agent who guided me to assistance for my daughter (living the same crappy lifestyle as I had) when she had no one to turn to, and was 800 miles away from family, is special to me.  
            Thank you for Pearls and Bruises, it is something we as women should always be aware of:  the most important thing in this whole shooting match is the protection of our children, whatever their ages.

            On a planetary scale, habitat and life are interchangeable.

            by libbys mom on Mon May 10, 2010 at 11:56:26 AM PDT

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          •  Connectitcut. Trying to remember the name (2+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            seeta08, Onomastic

            of the victim/law.  Terry Thurman?  Tracy Thurman?  Something like that.  Or maybe Thuman.

            Sheesh, I'm not much help, am I.  ;)

            I always have a problem when people NOT named Running Bear, Kills Elk or Woman of Many Horses complain about "illegal" immigration. -- Justice Putnam

            by Yasuragi on Mon May 10, 2010 at 02:43:26 PM PDT

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            •  You're always a huge help. (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              Yasuragi

              Besides one of us has to have functioning brain cells and right now it's definately not me.

              That means you're it. :)

              Stepping up to life eliminates the capacity for bullshit. - Robinswing

              by Onomastic on Mon May 10, 2010 at 04:49:41 PM PDT

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              •  No, if I had a functioning brain cell, I'd have (1+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                Onomastic

                checked Google before, instead of acting like it's forty years ago. ;)

                http://www.enotes.com/...

                That's the best (meager) link I could find.  Most results have to do with what must have been a TV movie about her called "A Cry for Help."

                Sometimes Google is not your friend.

                I always have a problem when people NOT named Running Bear, Kills Elk or Woman of Many Horses complain about "illegal" immigration. -- Justice Putnam

                by Yasuragi on Mon May 10, 2010 at 06:17:04 PM PDT

                [ Parent ]

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