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View Diary: I Study Homophobia (234 comments)

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  •  But the prejudices are still based in misogyny (0+ / 0-)

    Technically, I'm bisexual, though because I'm in a monogamous relationship with a woman society has deemed me a lesbian. I've been in long-term committed relationships with both men and women.  In my experience (my anecdata, I show you it), the sexual aspect of the relationships were similar in that I was committed to monogamy no matter the gender of the partner I was with. The only difference was that the men I was with would occasionally try to get me to agree to a threesome with another woman on the pretext of "don't you miss girls?" when really, they just wanted double the boobs. Which fits more into a study of misogyny than prejudice against sexual minorities.

    I've never been told by a man that he wouldn't date me because I'm bisexual. In fact, upon hearing that I'm bi, MORE men approach me. Take a wild guess as to why. Women, on the other hand, have refused me even a phone number because of it. Members of both groups who have these attitudes seem to have this assumption that bisexual people are sexually ravenous, promiscuous, and unable to be faithful to just one partner. When that is applied to bisexual women, there's a whole extra helping of slut-shaming going on from both men and women.

    When are you going to understand that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage. - Practical Magic

    by Keori on Mon Jun 14, 2010 at 08:49:20 PM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  i don't think of bi as ravenous.... (0+ / 0-)

      ... but I've heard that stereotype before.  I've also heard of guys who fantasize about threesomes with two gals, for all the reasons you cite, basically boiling down to "double your pleasure, double your fun!" to quote the old chewing gum ad slogan.  

      I don't think of bisexuals as any less faithful, as such.  Same degree of faithfulness, in the face of double the number of people who attempt to subvert the existing relationship, results in a greater likelihood of the relationship being subverted.

      If twice as many people started telling you that the person you're presently involved with isn't as good as they are, it would become more and more likely that their persuasion would succeed over time.  

      And the real solution to all of this is for people to respect existing relationships, or at least if there really is something to criticize, remove themselves from the position of being able to benefit as a result.  For example, "Your present partner is abusing you; I think you should dump them; and I'll remove myself from the list of possible replacements in order to make sure that you understand that this remark is motivated by real altruism rather than selfish interests."

      •  I sum it up like this: (0+ / 0-)

        Being bi doesn't mean I want to do everything that walks. It just means that who I love isn't restricted by gender.

        I don't think of bisexuals as any less faithful, as such.  Same degree of faithfulness, in the face of double the number of people who attempt to subvert the existing relationship, results in a greater likelihood of the relationship being subverted.

        Precisely. However, because we're dealing with sex, and a sexual minority, as Drew has already shown, people's attitudes will already be negative about this person no matter their actual behavior, and will be focused on sex rather than the relationship. Fucking American culture...

        When are you going to understand that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage. - Practical Magic

        by Keori on Tue Jun 15, 2010 at 09:32:04 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  what i'm focused on is this: (0+ / 0-)

          In any given relationship you have two people who have a given level of faithfulness to each other, in the sense of each regarding the other as their primary relationship.  

          Now each member of the relationship is likely to get bombarded with a certain number of "requests for defection," from unscrupulous people who would like to break up the existing partnership in order to replace the existing partner.  

          The more people who tell you that your exiting partner is no good and they want to be your partner instead, the more competitive stress that input places on the relationship.  

          If you're bi, you get potentially double the number of requests compared to if you're straight or gay (actually it's more than double: 10% of the same gender who are gay or bi, and 90% of the other gender who are straight).  So that's (more than) double the amount of external competitive pressure on your relationship.  

          I agree, relationship is primary, and sex is a subset of relationship (rather than the other way 'round).  

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