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View Diary: My July 4th in prison, or what it really takes to be a foster family (141 comments)

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  •  I've also witnessed horrible things within (1+ / 0-)
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    two roads

    the system. Starting with foster-adopt parents not being able to adopt the children they wanted to adopt.

    The supervisor who saw a child with a family on visitation to bio-parents... decided the child would be "perfect" for her daughter, had the child removed and "given" to her daughter.

    The couple who had a little girl 4 years, her ages 4-8, were told they could finally adopt (supposed to happen in first 18 months), hired an attorney for the adoption. The SW (social worker) came by for a visit, was friendly but roamed the house looking for "violations". Wrote up said "violations" against the couple. Went to the child's school on a Friday, removed her, then went to the parents' home with trash bags, asked for all her clothes and possessions. Moved her to home of father of her half-brother, the father was no bio-relation to her. He had had his children removed years ago, for over a year, for awful reasons. Yes, you read that right, no goodbyes. The parents had the charges reversed in court, the charges had been bogus. They still could not get back the little girl from the system.

    WHO is this serving? The little girl was suicidal the first weekend away from home, as the father disclosed to someone who knew the parents.

    What lesson does she learn from that treatment of her?

    My case: had little boy his ages 4 to 5.5, he was attachment-disordered, essentially a little sociopath in a 50-pound body when he arrived. His father had worked hard to train him to be a manipulative, assaultive person. One of the most dislikable children I've ever met. He literally attacked me verbally or physically 500-1000 times a day when he was first here. Not everyone can stand up to that, and start to change a child's course, change, them inside and out. I did entice him to change, through being sparkly and joyful and being tough as needed. Watching him change was remarkable, and hard, hard work for both of us.

    Here's a comment about one special, sweet incident when he was first here:

    In the process, of course we came to deeply love each other -- how could you not? He needed a mom, any kind parent. And how could an adult not love a child as months go by.

    We were both rewarded for all that by him being removed after 18 months. Sent to another family (non-bio relations) who gave up on him in less than 6 months. Of course, they didn't let him come back here, where he was deeply loved by me and a community of people. No, he had to go to another home and try to start over.

    I've come to the conclusion that there's one common thread that unites many of these hideous decisions about children in foster care, especially the older children. Anyone know what it is?

    This health care system is a moral atrocity. Dr. Ralphdog

    by AllisonInSeattle on Mon Jul 05, 2010 at 02:29:44 PM PDT

    [ Parent ]

    •  What causes all this horror in the system? (1+ / 0-)
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      two roads

      I kept looking at all the factors, things that were happening that didn't seem related.

      Finally came to one item that could unite them all:

      What's job security for social workers?


      [Broken children, broken families.]

      This health care system is a moral atrocity. Dr. Ralphdog

      by AllisonInSeattle on Mon Jul 05, 2010 at 02:31:21 PM PDT

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