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View Diary: The Grieving Room-Modern Grieving in the Age of Social Networks (130 comments)

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  •  My sister-in-law took the whole "new media" (6+ / 0-)

    thing to a new level with the death of my father. She sent a text message to me about another issue and at the end of the message she said "Oh, btw sry to hear about ur dad."

    I was devastated, my husband was mortified by his sister's lack of compassion and honestly I don't know if I can get over this. I know that we are in the age of Facebook, but really isn't there some sort of etiquette that should be followed?

    Anyway, it does speak to a long history of issues with this particular person. But this was really the proverbial straw that broke this camel's back. I just can't get over this.

    I may have been dealt a bad hand but at least I am still playing with a full deck!

    by beantown mom on Mon Aug 16, 2010 at 10:36:02 PM PDT

    •  a former boss and colleague (6+ / 0-)

      sent me an e-mail condolences message after my father died. I can't remember his exact wording-- he kind of apologized for the e-mail format, but made clear that he wanted to express how sorry he was right away. Maybe he didn't have my mailing address at the time, I'm not sure. I remember appreciating how he handled it--e-mail seems like an informal/casual medium, but he to reach out to me promptly and wanted me not to feel insulted that it was via e-mail.

      Your sister-in-law is probably embarrassed that she clearly didn't know how to handle your loss. I would not put pressure on yourself to "get over" this anytime soon. Things like this get magnified when you are bereaved.

      If it makes you feel better, in my experience even the most insensitive and stupid things people said to me after my father died lost their sting over time. I used to stew about some of these things, and I wouldn't have believed that I could ever reflect on them dispassionately. Even my therapist thought some of this stuff was outrageous. More than a decade later, I can think about what made certain people come through for me (or NOT come through in a big way) without getting upset.

      Join the Iowa progressive community at Bleeding Heartland.

      by desmoinesdem on Mon Aug 16, 2010 at 11:26:25 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  OTOH... (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        bigjacbigjacbigjac, coquiero

        when my mom was dying, pretty much everyone knew the end was near.  She died at 4 AM, and I called my brothers at about 6 AM.  Then, at 9 AM I sent out a mass email to everyone I knew who was waiting for news.  I didn't email anyone who didn't know that she was on her deathbed, so no one was taken by surprise... I just couldn't face making those calls.  Email was a blessing.

        Right away, I got many replies of condolence - which I felt were appropriate, given the method of notification.  Virtually every one was followed up by a real sympathy card, though.

        Join us in the Grieving Room on Monday evenings to discuss mourning and loss.

        by Dem in the heart of Texas on Tue Aug 17, 2010 at 11:16:25 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

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