Skip to main content

View Diary: GUS: The "H" Word vs. The "A" Word (182 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  You don't really think I didn't like smoking do (7+ / 0-)

    you? Let me get you a fresh carton.

    Pack_of_camelPack_of_camelPack_of_camelPack_of_camelPack_of_camel
    Pack_of_camelPack_of_camelPack_of_camelPack_of_camelPack_of_camel

    •  my husband didn't like it, I think that is why (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      labwitchy, flumptytail, Vacationland, aoeu

      he was able to quit and not go back; he is not happy with me as an understatement.

      No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable (Adam Smith, 1776, I, p. 96).

      by NY brit expat on Tue Aug 24, 2010 at 06:48:45 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I know you've said you enjoy it... (4+ / 0-)

        ...but what about it, exactly, do you enjoy?

        I'm not being flip; I'm trying to help you figure out what about the experience is enjoyable to you, to see if we can come up with ways to replicate that feeling using a less self-harming method of delivery. :-)

        For me, it was the [turned out to be false] sense of "de-stressing" -- lighting up was my go-to method of ratcheting down my stress levels and making sure my head wasn't going to explode in any given situation. Very few of my smokes were truly enjoyable on the face of it, but I did love that first one with coffee in the AM (ritual, familiarity), having a smoke whenever I had a drink (familiarity, nostalgia, the combined tastes were more pleasant than either alone), and smoking as I walked along in an unfamiliar place (cigarette as familiar "companion" and security blanket). Quitting forced me to come up with new things to fill the holes left in my routines once the smokes were gone. Fortunately, I was creative enough to figure out replacements for myself; no doubt you could, too.

        There was also no small measure of rebellion involved; I was a "you can't tell ME not to smoke!" kind of gal. The more someone nagged and pushed or reminded me I should quit, the more I dug my heels in and resisted. If anything, I smoked more. Intellectually, I recognized it for what it was (defiant opposition rooted in an adolescence I never really got to experience because I was too busy working and being "good"); emotionally, I didn't care. Eventually I realized I was only fighting myself.

        Stuff to think about, maybe?

        •  I use smoking to help me socially, it is (3+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          flumptytail, Vacationland, aoeu

          an escape when I want to get away from people and also a tool to meet people; I am ridiculously shy around people I do not know. I've had to give up som many things when I got menieres and diabetes; alcohol, caffeine, chocolate, sugar treats; in many senses, my cigs are my last bad habit. I wasn't a rebellious smoker; I am a nervous smoker. When I am tense, I have a ciggie; like you it is a security blanket and companion (not a friend)

          I've actually started using a camera to fill time (and to cut down) as someone suggested on GUS; it keeps my hands busy and I never smoke when I am into taking pictures. It is a great idea and gives me a way to express myself creatively ... almost perfect as I can hide behind the camera even better than a cigarette.

          No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable (Adam Smith, 1776, I, p. 96).

          by NY brit expat on Tue Aug 24, 2010 at 09:43:40 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  That's great you've picked up a camera! (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            flumptytail, NY brit expat, aoeu

            A very good way to fill your time...and while it lets you express yourself creatively (a bonus!), it can also function in the same way ciggies do: as a means of keeping a safe distance from uncomfortable or new social situations.

            My very first smoke was bummed as a ruse to meet people at a party and fit in. In my early years, I used smoking as a social tool and also as a means of hiding - a literal and figurative smokescreen! Lots of smokers are shy; I did a completely unscientific poll of GUS members and we had a lot of introverts. Many of us used smoking as a means of creating an acceptable distance from social interaction, while at the same time "bonding" with other smokers.

            I feel for you; it's tough to quit when you're still thinking of smoking as something being taken away from you, rather than something you consciously want to leave behind. Since you've had so many other things removed from you for medical reasons, it's understandable why you still see smoking in this light. The more you can reprogram yourself to frame it as something positive you're doing for yourself, the less likely you are to see it as yet another "fun" thing being taken away from you or denied to you.

            I'd love to see some of your photos, if you ever want to share! :-)

            •  This is it exactly, you've hit the nail on its (3+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              flumptytail, Vacationland, aoeu

              proverbial head:

              I feel for you; it's tough to quit when you're still thinking of smoking as something being taken away from you, rather than something you consciously want to leave behind.

              I need to consciously reprogramme and that is the difficulty, I am having. Every time I start, something else gets taken away; it is almost like I am holding on to my last vice!

              Are you on fb? I've put up a bunch of photos I've taken in Cornwall, of the kitties, of the family and friends and some macros (that surprisingly came out well). Alternatively, I can send you some. It amazes me how relaxing taking photos is for me; I went and bought a sony alpha 330 and a couple of lenses and I really enjoy it.

              No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable (Adam Smith, 1776, I, p. 96).

              by NY brit expat on Tue Aug 24, 2010 at 11:18:55 AM PDT

              [ Parent ]

              •  Repeat after me... (3+ / 0-)
                Recommended by:
                flumptytail, NY brit expat, aoeu

                I need to consciously reprogramme and that is the difficulty, I am having. Every time I start, something else gets taken away; it is almost like I am holding on to my last vice!

                "It's not a vice - it's an addiction."

                There's no moral component involved. "Vices" are for repressed Vicars and disgraced Tory MPs. :-)

                You made the choice, however resentfully, to try and preserve your health by eliminating from your diet those other things you enjoyed (caffeine, chocolate, sugar, whatever); well, nicotine is also endangering your health, right?

                You may have assigned it to a place on the same list of "forbidden goodies" but in fact it's an addictive substance your body is chemically and psychologically dependent on. We love our caffeine and sugar, sure, but it's easier to adjust to their absence than it is to cope with the absence of nicotine. So of course this is harder, and it's no wonder you're frustrated.

                That's why reframing the absence of smoking as a positive choice (vs. a punishment) is so important. Nobody wants to be forced to quit something that they rely on (for comfort, sustenance, pleasure, whatever). We can only try to change the way we label the decision to quit, from something imposed upon us to something we choose to do as an act of self-preservation or even self-nurturing. I think you're moving in this direction; your level of knowledge regarding your reasons for needing to quit are pretty well-formed. I think you may be at the Preparation/Determination Stage of Change right now. Preparation/Determination Stage of Change

                I am on FB but do not post details on public boards. I'm also sketchy about sharing personally-identifiable details like email addys on boards (being cyberstalked will do that for you!). Do you have your photos on a photo-sharing site like Picasa, Flickr or ImageShack, so you can link them here?  Cornwall and kitties sound irresistible! :-)

                •  It seems we have the same problem, I also (3+ / 0-)
                  Recommended by:
                  flumptytail, Vacationland, aoeu

                  do not like to post details on public boards and I only have my own email address as I want to avoid aggro and other unpleasantness. This is frustrating, I should get Flickr to put up the photos to avoid this situation, I could also use it to post photos. I am having a ditzy moment and can't think at the moment. If you are friends with many dkos people on fb, especially the pootie people, I am Susan and am in the UK, but born in the US.

                  You are right, it is reframing and reprogramming and I know darn well it is an addiction; I've been able to give up all the others without this much difficulty surprisingly. I treat myself to one espresso/month if I am ok, have a glass of wine with food now and then, but I cannot do this with cigarettes; one ciggy and I am back in it. I need to quit and not look back. Definitely am in the 3rd stage, thanks for that link, it helps to understand where I am, I do not know why, it is almost as if I need to rationalise everything, including my irrationality and addictions. :)

                  No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable (Adam Smith, 1776, I, p. 96).

                  by NY brit expat on Tue Aug 24, 2010 at 01:25:19 PM PDT

                  [ Parent ]

                  •  It is scary, too. (3+ / 0-)
                    Recommended by:
                    flumptytail, NY brit expat, aoeu

                    We sometimes underestimate just how scary it is to quit.

                    I've been able to give up all the others without this much difficulty surprisingly. I treat myself to one espresso/month if I am ok, have a glass of wine with food now and then, but I cannot do this with cigarettes; one ciggy and I am back in it. I need to quit and not look back.

                    I'm totally the same way. I had a real struggle at first even picturing a life where I could never have another smoke. I had to figure out how to do so many little things and change so many little routines. It was scary!

                    Now the realization that I really can't be a "casual smoker" seems normal and not the slightest inconvenience, so you do get over that eventually - LOL! Though I admit I am ever-so-slightly annoyed by "social smokers" who CAN have just one. Grrr.

                    I sort of keep FB and dKos separate, for the most part. The only dKos-ers I've met in real life are BiPM & CSM, and could probably friend them (would you be linked to CSM's page?). Part of it is caution, part of it is not being able to blog about political stuff under my own name as it would interfere with my work. :-)

                    By the way, if you need help setting up Flickr, I can help! It's easy - you can set up (or use an existing) Yahoo mail address to open a Flickr account, and the interface to upload pictures is super-easy to use. There's a size limit on the free account (175 images or something like that?) but I've never had a problem.

                    •  You met BiPM and CSM and didn't tell us. OMG, (3+ / 0-)
                      Recommended by:
                      Vacationland, NY brit expat, aoeu

                      that is so exciting.

                      •  I thought I told you? (3+ / 0-)
                        Recommended by:
                        flumptytail, NY brit expat, aoeu

                        I met them (very briefly) when I was a precinct co-captain during the 2008 Caucus. I met Michael first, then Bill. They were stuck in there for a long time and were pretty patient, all things considered. I hadn't posted much at the time but I was familiar with them as a lurker, so I [thankfully!] said something nice about Bill's writing (not knowing what he looked like or that he was about 10 feet away, though the orange shirt should have been a tip-off).

                        I've been in email contact since on occasion, but I have yet to make it to a regional meet-up, so I'm going to see if they want to meet for coffee sometime...I meant to arrange something in July but I got crazy swamped at work. One of these days!

                    •  I understand keeping the two apart, it makes a (2+ / 0-)
                      Recommended by:
                      Vacationland, aoeu

                      lot of sense and keeps your privacy. I actually understand completely especially if it is work related. :)  I have political friends on facebook as well as family and old non-political friends, it has caused a bit of ugliness when I put up political posts which I do often. I have found out things about family and old friends that I am very sorry to learn. :(  I come from a working class background, from a family of immigrants, I am only second generation born american; I am horrified by some of the things my family has started spouting in the last few years.

                      I am a friend of both BinPM and CSM on facebook; it took me 5 minutes to figure out whom you were talking about; my brain is in shutdown tonight; sorry!

                      If I set up a flickr account, I can post photos here without problems?

                      No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable (Adam Smith, 1776, I, p. 96).

                      by NY brit expat on Tue Aug 24, 2010 at 05:09:30 PM PDT

                      [ Parent ]

                •  To show how spacey I am, I keep on forgetting (3+ / 0-)
                  Recommended by:
                  flumptytail, Vacationland, aoeu

                  to say thank you for your help and support. It really does help so very much! {{{{vacationland}}}}

                  No society can surely be flourishing and happy, of which the far greater part of the members are poor and miserable (Adam Smith, 1776, I, p. 96).

                  by NY brit expat on Tue Aug 24, 2010 at 01:26:26 PM PDT

                  [ Parent ]

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site