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View Diary: GUS: The "H" Word vs. The "A" Word (182 comments)

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  •  Quitting for good (9+ / 0-)

    I was able to string together two smokefree periods of time, each over a year and a half long, where I still felt like a smoker, still craved cigarettes, and in the deepest recesses of my decrepit soul I knew I was going to smoke again. The reasons I ultimately started again were inconsequential, it could have been anything.

    This last time I've got over 2 years, but the wierd thing is that I knew I was quitting for good the first day. I received a letter from my doctor after some test results came back. Being faced with my own mortality had a significant impact...flipping a switch as it were, in my brain. I cried my eyes out, crushed the last pack I had and haven't wanted one again since. I hardly ever think about cigarettes in fact. When I smell them, I feel sick and can't comprehend lighting up.

    Which is really fortunate for me, because I am so weak when it comes to cravings.

    Beyond being either a habit or addiction, I think another useful descriptor is that smoking is a relationship. Smokes are always there when you're feeling up or down or lonely or overwhelmed or bored. They go on road trips with you and out to lunch with you and on breaks with you. They will go out into the harsh weather with you and will always listen to the thoughts you have. Even when noone else can. It's a hard relationship to break. The one relationship that gave you exactly what you wanted and would never judge you no matter how weak you were or felt.

    Strange that the only relationship that helped me break the cigarette relationship was a relationship with myself. And I found that once the cigarettes were gone, relationships with others suddenly improved.

    I have so much compassion for anyone struggling today to quit. I know how painful it can be and how helpless you can feel. It will happen. It will take what it will take. But it will happen for you. What alternative do you have? And is that the alternative you prefer?

    If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

    by SnyperKitty on Mon Aug 23, 2010 at 05:01:31 PM PDT

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