Skip to main content

View Diary: Gay facts and fantasies in Propagannon research (340 comments)

Comment Preferences

  •  Maybe you could explain Gaydar (none)
    I thought I had no gaydar until I met my wife.  She couldn't tell whether a man was gay based on anything.  Voice, mannerisms, interests...nothing buzzed her senses.

    I can detect mannerisms, sometimes the voice, a lot of times it is dress and interests.

    But if none of that does the trick, I won't know a man is gay until he tells me.

    So how to Gay men detect other Gay men, when I can't?

    The Oval Office: Because there are no corners, there is nowhere to make the President sit when he has shamed the nation.

    by BooMan23 on Sat Feb 19, 2005 at 10:04:34 PM PST

    [ Parent ]

    •  Hard to explain really (none)
      but it is much easier to be pretty sure a guy is gay, than be sure a guy definately is not. In other words "gaydar", to the extent it works, tells you if someone is gay, not if they are not. There are always gay guys that seem totally straight, but I guess it can be mannerisms, interests, certain habits that are rare among straight guys (but not explicitly gay), and sometimes the way guys look at things they he talks about. Sometimes you can't say for sure, but sometimes it's just like "come on, who are you kidding.
      •  I think I am hampered by not really caring (none)
        If I ever spent one second of time trying to figure out if a stranger was gay or not, I'd probably be much better at it.

        The Oval Office: Because there are no corners, there is nowhere to make the President sit when he has shamed the nation.

        by BooMan23 on Sat Feb 19, 2005 at 10:26:29 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  well good point but you asked lol (none)
          but I think it is a waste of time if you really care about it, sometimes you can't help but notice.
          •  No, it was a good response (4.00)
            I just kind of threw up my hands.  I guess I expected to be told the secret.  

            For that matter, any guys understand what is going on in women's minds, let me know.

            The Oval Office: Because there are no corners, there is nowhere to make the President sit when he has shamed the nation.

            by BooMan23 on Sat Feb 19, 2005 at 10:52:50 PM PST

            [ Parent ]

            •  Sorry, Boo. (4.00)
              It's part of our bylaws--you see, all gay men really do know what's going on in women's minds. But if we tell a hetero guy we get penalized and demoted to repugnut closet case and all our merit badges for taste, style and irony, and our Judy Garland good conduct ribbon are revoked. The divestiture ceremony is just too devastating to recount.

              "It's so nice to be insane, noone asks you to explain."

              by homogenius on Sat Feb 19, 2005 at 11:04:15 PM PST

              [ Parent ]

              •  That's comedy (none)
                it's unfair...but as long as you bring the music...

                The Oval Office: Because there are no corners, there is nowhere to make the President sit when he has shamed the nation.

                by BooMan23 on Sat Feb 19, 2005 at 11:11:36 PM PST

                [ Parent ]

                •  RE: Gaydar (4.00)

                  I have it. I'm straight, but I have always been attracted to gay men on a friendship level. I just know when I meet one. It's all about the eyes. This has always led me to believe that gays are born gay. It's a physical trait. I see it in both male and female homosexuals.

                  I see it in Bobby Eberle, Melman, Stone, Gannon- its a look.

                  This diary is super by the way. But the part that is most disturbing is the back-stabbing part of the gay under-world. The power plays, competition, but then I say..boys will be boys..across the board.

                  •  Exactly so - the eyes (none)
                    When I was first coming out (and I grew up in Penntucky with no exposure to gay culture) I would walk around the Phila gayborhood and often the person I was walking with would say "oh, that guy's gay....him too....etc."  And I'd ask "how can you tell?".  And I was told "look at the eyes...the eyes give away everything."  I wish I could be more specific, but eyes can be revealing.
    •  In Futurama (none)
      Bender has a little unit with a dish antenna...
    •  not just a handy tool, but a survival skill! (none)
      So how to Gay men detect other Gay men, when I can't?

      When you're gay, you tend to develop skills for detecting other gay individuals -- movements, gestures, language, etc. -- to find allies in a potentially hostile environment. One of its many uses is telling you whom you can hit on, and who will beat you bloody if you attempt to do so; another is so you can find someone to sit and get depressingly drunk with at a wedding (I've done this one). My experience is that straight people with gaydar tend to be observant people on the whole, while gay people with gaydar tend to have real-world experience detecting others like them (whether for companionship or just for feeling like you're not alone). You just learn how to recognise your own kind, is all.

      However, among my generation I've noticed that it's kind of evolving out. I'm a 23-year-old bisexual woman (Kinsey 4), and I probably couldn't tell you someone's sexuality at a glance if my life depended on it. On the other hand, since I moved out of Texas to go to college about the same time I came out, I've never really had to be in a place where a wink-wink-nudge-nudge conveyed more information than the rainbow necklace I wear. Same goes for a lot of my other queer friends -- if we want to pick up somebody in a bar, we don't go to the effort of giving off and looking for complex signals, we go to a gay bar (or a straight one where no one will respond to a same-sex come-on with brutal violence).

      Of course, this didn't stop me and my seminarian friends from frowning for clues when a very cute candidate for a professorship came the other day: 'Do you think he's gay?' 'He uses an awful lot of product.' 'No, look at the wedding band.' 'So? Dr. [gay professor] wears one.' 'Yeah, but this guy's is too boring to be a same-sex wedding band.' '...Yeah, okay.'

    •  i had an anthropology teacher (none)
      who explained to class that if you chose ten people out of any given population who you guessed were gay, 7 out 10 times you'd probably be right. same goes for picking 10 straight people.

      in retrospect, clearly his formula was a little simple-minded. my feeling as a straight person with quite a few gay friends is that life experience has a big effect on your ability to predict who is or isn't gay. i think life experience also has a big effect on whether or not you will admit to yourself that you're gay.

      it's funny, when i attend gay events or bars, i always leave thinking, EVERYONE is gay godammit!

      but cheez, wouldn't it be cool if we lived in a world where who a person was sleeping with mattered about as much as what their favorite kind of food was???

      The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity. --Yeats

      by JaneKnowles on Sun Feb 20, 2005 at 05:44:06 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Actually (none)
        Their favorite food is more important to me then who they like to sleep with. This is because it's much easier to tell if someone's gay then if they're vegetarian. And since it's more likely that I will cook for them than sleep with them, this is a more important question. ;-)

        Plane Crazy
        Who loves to cook, likes antiques, loves MGM musicals, knows that windows have treatments, but, unfortunately, doesn't use any "products". Gayar says, "Straight!"  Hobbies and interests don't always tell you. :-)

        "It is hard to fight anger, for a man will buy revenge with his soul." Heracleitus, 500 BCE

        by PlaneCrazy on Sun Feb 20, 2005 at 06:04:15 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  haha very funny plane (none)
          then there's me:

          i like to oogle pretty women in magazines, i love watching baseball and basketball(and have even had a fantasy b-ball team) whose players i also like to drool over, i hate to make plans or committments and i can't stand to cook. you might guess that i'm a man, baby, but i'm not!

          so i agree, hobbies and interests do not always tell you!

          The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity. --Yeats

          by JaneKnowles on Sun Feb 20, 2005 at 06:27:22 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  Me and my husband . . . (none)
            . . . always have a good laugh over the fact that I am the one who drinks beer, cooks barbeque and uses power tools, while he bakes bread and hates sports.

            On the other hand, he's hairstyle-impaired and I like musicals, so we haven't completely swapped roles.

            To none will we sell, to none deny or delay, right or justice. Magna Carta 1215

            by Robespierrette on Sun Feb 20, 2005 at 11:46:16 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site