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View Diary: "Not Close Enough to Death" (149 comments)

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  •  Sorry (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    ebohlman

    I worked in adoptions for about fifteen years, I've been the Guardian ad litem for thousands of kids, I've represented adopting parents, birthmothers, agencies.  What you describe is a phenomenon that took place in the fifties and sixties, but it's a gross misrepresentation of how adoptions play out today.  But that's a different diary altogether.

    If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in the dark with a mosquito.

    by marykk on Sat Feb 05, 2011 at 12:29:59 PM PST

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    •  Actually, no. (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Dvalkure, earicicle, Sand Hill Crane

      I was told not to long ago by a man who has an adopted daughter how difficult it was for them to find a "white" baby -- and how outlawing abortions would make it easier for people in his situation.

      Seriously.  

      I just looked at him and said, "Oh ... so they should be breeders for you?"

      The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits -- Albert Einstein

      by SweetLittleOkie on Sat Feb 05, 2011 at 12:48:54 PM PST

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      •  He may have said this (0+ / 0-)

        and I agree, it's horribly offensive, but that doesn't mean that's how adoptions are working. (In fact, at least one state has outlawed for-profit adoption agencies and gotten rid of the worst offenders. Now Utah, that's a different story)

        If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in the dark with a mosquito.

        by marykk on Sat Feb 05, 2011 at 01:01:35 PM PST

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        •  So if one state has outlawed for-profit adoption (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          marykk

          agencies, does that mean they remain legal in the other 49?  And what about private lawyers and "brokers" who assist couples...for a not-so-small fee?

          Ho'oponopono. To make things right; restore harmony; heal.

          by earicicle on Sat Feb 05, 2011 at 01:14:20 PM PST

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          •  it's state specific (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            earicicle

            and I haven't looked at the laws on a state-by-state basis in a while.  In Illinois, there was a HUGE adoption reform act about five years ago, and the lawyers and "brokers" - ("facilitators" in the biz) are subject to licensing requirements as well.

            In Illinois, btw, it was my experience that by at least the year 2000, healthy, legally available, African American infants did not wait for homes.

            If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in the dark with a mosquito.

            by marykk on Sat Feb 05, 2011 at 01:19:49 PM PST

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    •  I defer to your expertise. (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      marykk

      I was shocked to learn, however, from friends who recently adopted, that for qualified applicants, African-American infants are IMMEDIATELY available for adoption. From the stories you hear about couples' odysseys to adopt, I thought the waiting list to adopt any infant was extremely long. Nope...just white ones without any special needs.

      So perhaps I'm just making a logical leap here. But coping with an unexpected pregnancy is financially and emotionally challenging. How can a young, vulnerable woman do this alone? Couldn't a family desperate to jump the line for their "perfect white baby" help this poor girl in her time of need? Seems like these fringe "crisis centers" might do the "godly" thing and bring these people together. For a donation to support the cause, of course...

      Isn't a woman giving up her baby allowed to "choose" her child's adoptive family? Isn't she allowed to choose greater support than the meager State aid provided to pregnant women? You can't tell me that all adoptions in this country are carried out by the book.

      Ho'oponopono. To make things right; restore harmony; heal.

      by earicicle on Sat Feb 05, 2011 at 01:12:46 PM PST

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      •  I'm not suggesting that (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        ebohlman, earicicle

        and I'm not suggesting that the CPCs don't ever do that.  I am saying that the two things are not as connected as they may appear.  If they were, you'd see simple correlations in the numbers, but you don't - largely because the social stigma on unwed motherhood is not nearly what it once was.  And one of the things I - and many others - have observed is that it is not the youngest preggies who make adoption plans - in fact, they are the most likely to maintain unrealistic fantasies about parenting, much to everyone's detriment.  You'd be surprised how many birthmothers already have children.  They have a much better grip on that reality.

        But as I said, that's really a story for a different diary.  

        If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in the dark with a mosquito.

        by marykk on Sat Feb 05, 2011 at 01:17:05 PM PST

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