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View Diary: Why I Had an Abortion (224 comments)

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  •  You're all missing the point (0+ / 0-)

    I'm not against abortion.  I'm against people getting themeselves into bad situations and acting like they're not responsible for their predicament.  And then they wear their decision to handle the situation that they created like a badge of honor.  And they write diaries to affirm in their own minds how great their decision was, or how inconsequential the act is, all the while ignoring the fact that had they acted smartly in the first place, they'd never have had to deal with a bad situation at all and rationalizing how they dealt with it.  

    "I became pregnant."  Why not "Pregnancy came upon me;" that way you're absolved of all responsibility for your situation.

    I'm starting to feel America again.

    by Shesk on Wed Mar 09, 2011 at 11:34:33 AM PST

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    •  what would YOU like? (6+ / 0-)

      would you like her to be ASHAMED?  I believe that we are talking about choice here...not Scarlet Letters.

      is she saying anywhere that she didn't take responsibility for her situation?  What does responsibility look like to YOU...a newborn child that she would have no ability to care for?

      judgemental shit

      "We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering!" - The Shoveler

      by Pandoras Box on Wed Mar 09, 2011 at 12:59:18 PM PST

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    •  FYI? (7+ / 0-)

      No one cares about your opinion about their lives. You don't like the woman writing the diary? Keep your opinion to yourself. Your guilt is yours. Your shame is yours. No one gets to tell me how to feel. Or any other woman, for that matter. I know what I took responsibility for in my life. I am raising 2 children, by myself, one of whom had a 17 year old mother who couldn't take care of her. What is this patriarchial bullcrap? What are YOU doing with your life?

      Every time you purchase food you are casting a vote. Eat wisely.

      by alkalinesky on Wed Mar 09, 2011 at 01:34:46 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  What am I doing? (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        I'm bringing up young girls and teaching them to respect themeselves and their bodies.  I'm teaching them to avoid falling for the lines of horny guys who only want to get into their pants; to have them avoid getting pregnant before they're ready for it; to avoid having to decide whether to abort a baby and risk future pregnancies; to exercise their right to tell a guy, "no."

        Abortion sucks and in many case can be avoided; but no one ever talks about avoiding them, just having them.

        I'm starting to feel America again.

        by Shesk on Wed Mar 09, 2011 at 02:23:53 PM PST

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        •  "to exercise their rights... (4+ / 0-)

          ... and tell a guy, no"? Sorry, but it just sounds to me like you want to take away their rights to say "yes" to sex, like you want to impose an abstinence-only rule on them.

          Funny how you paint your line of argument as though you are giving your daughters "their rights."  

          All art is political. Politics is an art.

          by mollyclark on Wed Mar 09, 2011 at 02:50:38 PM PST

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        •  I applaud you helping your daughters (4+ / 0-)

          by teaching them about all those things you mentioned. It's a no-brainer women should be taught to prevent unwanted pregnancy. As should guys!

          I bet you didn't mean it literally when you say no one ever talks about avoiding abortion. You must know it's simply not the case. It's why a majority of liberals stand for family life instruction and funding for Planned Parenthood type institutions vs abstinence-stick-your-head-in-the-sand "instruction."

          No woman wants to have an unplanned pregnancy or abortion. None. Sometimes shit happens. Birth control fails or you forget to take your pill or get caught in the heat of the moment. It happens, we are human after all.

          First and foremost, you feel like your body is not your own.  I felt this even when I had a pregnancy that was wanted. When you actually have the abortion the doc will first take a number of rods one at a time that increase in diameter, insert them into the vagina and up to the cervix so they can dilate it. There is no anesthetic. Next, they hook you up to a vacuum type machine that feels like your entire guts are being sucked out. The length it goes on is interminable. Once again, there is no anesthetic for the pain. Then afterwards, you bleed and clot and cramp for days afterward. That's an "easy" first trimester abortion. On top of going through all that, a woman may have to run through a gauntlet of ignorant "pro-life" protesters screaming at them to get to and from this procedure. Trust me when I say, women definitely do talk about avoiding this whole scenario.

          "Watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical, a liberal, fanatical, criminal..."-7.75, -7.28

          by solesse413 on Wed Mar 09, 2011 at 03:58:30 PM PST

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          •  What I meant (0+ / 0-)

            was that no one will post a diary about the fact that a lot of guys objectify women and that women do not need to show their equality with men by acting in the same objectifying fashion.  I want to see the diary entitled, "Why I told this Jerk to go Home with his Hand;" but instead I see the diaries about the aftermath of not telling the jerk to go home with his hand.

            This, of course, is coming from a father who wants to help his daughters avoid bad situations.  It's also coming from a guy who objectified women (somewhat) in his youth and is not very proud of that fact as an older, wiser guy; who broke a lot of hearts and probably made a lot of women feel used.  I could take the approach that it doesn't matter; that women can participate in objectifying men, but I don't really believe that it's possible to use a guy.  And, in looking back, I can't really say anything good that came from the casual sex that I had as a youth; plenty of bad things, like broken friendships, pregnancy scares, guilt, etc....  

            My girls will figure things out on their own, but I don't see any point in encouraging unchecked, risky (pregnancy, STDs) behavior.  Better to present it as an opportunity for female empowerment instead of lowering oneself to the others' standards and wants.    

            I'm starting to feel America again.

            by Shesk on Thu Mar 10, 2011 at 11:12:31 AM PST

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            •  Why don't YOU write it (2+ / 0-)

              "We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering!" - The Shoveler

              by Pandoras Box on Fri Mar 11, 2011 at 04:42:07 AM PST

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            •  I appreciate your honesty in this particular (0+ / 0-)

              comment. However, I feel you are missing the bigger picture. You are taking away women's right to say yes when they mean it. Sometimes yes is a mistake in retrospect, but not a mistake requiring shame. It's not wrong to fall in love.

              In your daughters' shoes, if I fell in love with a boy and became pregnant when the time was not right to have a child, I'd feel so afraid of disappointing you that I would seek counsel elsewhere. Boys aren't all bastards. W. wasn't a bastard. He was an alcoholic who at least had the courage to realize his shortcomings and make me aware of them. You may have been someone who preyed upon girls to win approval for yourself by humiliating them, but that does not describe any of the boys I knew at that time, nor does it describe the men in my life now. Boys and men are people who sometimes act impulsively or make mistakes, as are girls and women. It is not shameful to fall in love with a less than suitable partner. It is a fact of life and it happens all the time.

              If you teach your daughters to believe that they are to blame for relationships that don't work, or for unintended pregnancies or STDs or any of the other stuff that happens when people fall in love, you are continuing to injure women in your life with the same attitudes you did as a boy, just in a different way.  

              If I were in your shoes, for the sake of my daughters, I'd strongly reconsider my judgements about individuals of both sexes. It is quite possible to be smart and end up having to make unpleasant choices.

              I blog on healthcare issues for Tikkun Daily as Lauren Reichelt.

              by TheFatLadySings on Thu Mar 17, 2011 at 05:33:47 AM PDT

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        •  what the hell do you mean (5+ / 0-)

          "no one ever talks about avoiding them?

          we talk about it all the damn time

          "We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not bickering!" - The Shoveler

          by Pandoras Box on Wed Mar 09, 2011 at 05:02:29 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

        •  So, uh, (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Pandoras Box, TheFatLadySings

          where do they get to learn that their bodies can afford them pleasure, and that they're entitled to that pleasure, and that it's not any sort of "desecration" of their bodies? Certainly not from you, and that's the problem with this culture.

          How about the right to tell a guy "yes," and have a good time? Women need that a hell of a lot more than we need this patronizing crap about how our bodies are "temples" or whatever metaphor you subscribe to.

    •  Right-wing talking points, ahoy! (2+ / 0-)

      "Getting themselves into bad situations" - as if the diarist wasn't already in a shitty situation and had oodles of choices before her!

      Let me quote from a blogpost about the 13-year-old who aborted her pregnancy with a lead pencil:

      [H]er community and her culture — the people who are supposed to tell her that she’s important, that she’s loved, that she deserves pleasure, that she deserves autonomy — failed her. We fail girls all the time. We put girls in impossible, heart-wrenching positions. We give girls little autonomy and few options, and then we’re surprised when they act like animals caught in traps.
      Oh, right, "just don't have sex." That's so fucking simple! Not like teenagers have been having sex since teenagers existed, or that people living hellish lives deserve a little bodily pleasure! They ought to be celibate and subsist on gruel until gawd "blesses" them with prosperity to mark them as one of the Favored.

      Your attitude is everything that is wrong with this country. Pour yourself a big tall glass of shut the fuck up.

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