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  •  My 90-year old mother-in-law has... (7+ / 0-)

    ...dementia (maybe Alzheimers, as you don't until after they die). She was doing well on medication, but her neurologist has been on leave to have a baby, and she seems to backsliding a bit. This puts a real strain on my 94-year father-in-law, and Calamity Jean and her sibs, and the sibs-in-law are all trying to work out some way to take the load off of him.

    Float like a manhole cover, sting like a sash weight! Clean Coal Is A Clinker!

    by JeffW on Thu Mar 24, 2011 at 08:32:32 PM PDT

    •  It's a tough disease (7+ / 0-)

      On the individual but also on the family. It's a huge strain on a family and especially the main caregiver.

      "What luck for the rulers that men do not think." - Adolph Hitler

      by bhlogger on Thu Mar 24, 2011 at 08:36:15 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Tell me about it! (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        bhlogger, kyril

        My father-in-law was born in a dirt-poor Missouri town, got into the Navy as a grunt, applied to and was accepted at the Naval Academy, and graduated in 1940. The next year he was in a real shootin' war, serving on the USS Enterprise (CV-6). He retired from the Navy after 26 years, then went through his second retirement in 1980 from Abbot Labs. He's the very model of self-sufficiency, but this has to be a real load on him. And he's nixed some interventions already, so we just try to take it as it comes. His big worry is that my mother-in-law will outlive him, my big worry is that he'll be devastated if she dies first. Seems almost like a no-win.

        Float like a manhole cover, sting like a sash weight! Clean Coal Is A Clinker!

        by JeffW on Fri Mar 25, 2011 at 09:10:27 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Has he checked... (1+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          kyril

          ... with Veteran's Affairs? Because my grandfather was in the Air Force during WWII, my grandmother was eligible for about $1000 a month from the VA for in-home care. Of course, this is not information they make readily available and I found out about it much too late to do much good.

          "What luck for the rulers that men do not think." - Adolph Hitler

          by bhlogger on Fri Mar 25, 2011 at 09:39:29 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  I think he feels that its his responsibility... (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            LSophia, bhlogger, kyril

            ...from some of his reactions to get outside help. I love my father-in-law, but I really don't want to cross him on this, as do some of my sibs-in-law. They live in a senior living facility, and there's rsources there that they haven't taken advantage of yet, and seem to be resisting doing so.

            Float like a manhole cover, sting like a sash weight! Clean Coal Is A Clinker!

            by JeffW on Fri Mar 25, 2011 at 09:43:15 AM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  I understand (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              JeffW

              May older people feel this way and do not want to feel like they are "taking handouts". When the time is right, perhaps you could explain in a way that can help... such as, "You gave to your country and this is their way of giving back to you for your service." Or something like that.

              It's hard to help, I know... hard to convince them sometimes that they can't do this on their own.

              "What luck for the rulers that men do not think." - Adolph Hitler

              by bhlogger on Fri Mar 25, 2011 at 09:58:50 AM PDT

              [ Parent ]

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