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  •  I'll just respond (1+ / 0-)
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    with an alternative view on the issue with which I agree:

    Is it as big an all-fired deal as that?  No.  We exist.  Some of us (gasp!) live just like real girls!  We even think of ourselves that way (poor deluded creatures that we are).  

    I'm going to take the sarcastic tone as not being directed at me, since I've already stated that I agree with your perspective.  My point was that there are many, many people who don't, and that's their right when it comes to intimate relationships.  By all means mock away, but that doesn't change the fact that their right to date as they see fit should be inviolate.

    •  for the record (1+ / 0-)
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      I agree with what the chica wrote in the article you cited.  As individual perspective, and ethical advice -- while her tone and approach are not mine generally -- I think she's right.

      But by the same coin, I'd say her view is pretty mainstream among transpeople I know.  I guess I still see a political dimension to it.  When I first came out (oh god 17 years ago, yipes) one of my co-workers -- a good friend and actual stand up guy -- made a point to tell me that he was cool, but if he ever slept with one he'd have to kill her.  Oddly I still counted him a friend -- he was a sharp new yorker, a savvy writer, and a wit.  That was just his frame.  He was a real ally during my two years of on the job transition.  So yeah, I totally get the "part of the culture" thing.

      And of course I have the customary bi or straight t-girl's perspective (bi in my case).  Guys who you go out with sometimes for years but if anyone they knew had an inkling, they'd just die a thousand deaths.  Disclosure is never an issue in my case: if they can't handle it, they can go away.  Being the freak girlfriend is harsh but there are worse things.  Nonetheless, the entire experience has left me feeling like...this is not good, y'know?  I'm not talking one night stands, but things that last long enough to see the other person age and win and lose and grow and change.   What does it say about me if I don't bark a little at the disclosure issue?  Doesn't it go part of the way toward why such a man's friends might look on his relationships with shame and digust?

      In short...I think disclosure is a real camel-nose, and lots of stuff attaches.

      ...j'ai découvert que tout le malheur des hommes vient d'une seule chose, qui est de ne savoir pas demeurer en repos dans une chambre.

      by jessical on Tue Apr 19, 2011 at 04:38:50 PM PDT

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