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View Diary: Here is What We Told Our Daughter (240 comments)

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  •  i've had to utter this sentence: (6+ / 0-)

    "if [name of friend] really just wanted people to see her new simpson's thong, she could have posted a picture of the thong itself, not a picture of herself wearing the thong."

    but when i said it to my daughter, i think i actually saw the effect of my logic come over her.  she got it.  

    as a parent, you have to leave some room in the margins for occasional incidences of bad judgement....but to allow naive ignorance is just neglectful.  and that type of neglect has a cumulative effect, usually resulting in an overreaction when finally forced to confront a child's bad judgement.....

    people are always quite amazed with how much my kid tells me about the goings on amongst the friend group.  i know who's 'doing' whom, who's failing which class, and who's experimenting with which drugs.  i know who bought salvia on the boardwalk while on the band trip.  i know who used whose i.d. to get her navel pierced even though she's only 15.  i know who actually brought the alcohol, and i know who hid it for him.  and, since i can trust my kid's judgement, i wish i didn't know....

    "What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say"~Ralph Waldo Emerson

    by 73rd virgin on Fri Jun 10, 2011 at 10:33:54 AM PDT

    •  If you know all that (4+ / 0-)

      then you have a kid who trusts you. Many parents never earn that level of trust from their ungrateful offspring ...

      So you must be doing something right :)

      I hope that the quality of debate will improve,
      but I fear we will remain Democrats.

      by twigg on Fri Jun 10, 2011 at 10:38:42 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  she's an old soul (6+ / 0-)

        with a good deal of innate perspective, very good at putting pieces together

        it didn't take too many instances of comparing the parenting she was getting at home to the things she was hearing from her friends about their parents' logic before she realized she could have it much worse.

        then she put the pieces together and realized that she probably shouldn't put too much faith in the judgement of the kids who were raised around the aforementioned illogic...and that's where i really admire her.  not because she chose to listen to me, but because she considers the source of the information she's getting....even when it IS me...and draws her own conclusions.  makes it really easy to always have her back :)

        and did i mention that she's already 1/3 of the way finished her summer reading?  ;)

        "What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say"~Ralph Waldo Emerson

        by 73rd virgin on Fri Jun 10, 2011 at 10:56:39 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  That's pretty much what we do (4+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          peggy, 73rd virgin, Floja Roja, coppercelt

          The kids spend quite a bit of time with their Father. He's a decent enough guy but some of his family are less so.

          Mrs Twigg worries about some of the things the kids are exposed to.

          I simply take the view that they will see how things are here, and how things are elsewhere. They will make their own comparisons and draw their own conclusions.

          We can't protect them from everything, but we can be there for them when they need us.

          I hope that the quality of debate will improve,
          but I fear we will remain Democrats.

          by twigg on Fri Jun 10, 2011 at 11:00:23 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  that's their reality (3+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Chun Yang, twigg, coppercelt

            and it's our job to teach them how to live in it.  
            everyone thought my kids would have a hard time adjusting to their father's being gay.  psh.  kids don't have to 'adjust' to their parents...they have to adjust to the rest of the world's reaction at times though....

            "What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say"~Ralph Waldo Emerson

            by 73rd virgin on Fri Jun 10, 2011 at 12:35:50 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

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