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View Diary: Sexist words, jokes and images dehumanize women. Here's why (312 comments)

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  •  some always have preferences (0+ / 0-)

    Some people would say they would rather be beaten up than lose a family heirloom to a thief

    However general consensus, among men and women, is that some acts deserve and require more punishment than others

    But the person needs to have the police take the spouse, no one should be forced to share their bed with their rapist

    However if you are constructing an example where a husband brutally beats her wife and keeps her captive, you have created your own example by taking mine and adding cruel additions

    •  If you ever took the time to actually LEARN (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      kyril, i like bbq, Oh Mary Oh

      about spousal rape, you'd know that it generally happens within the context of an abusive relationship. ANd abuse begins  by first wooing the woman, then separating her from her support network so she is utterly dependent on you for support (including financial), then destroying her self esteem--and then only does it progress to physical violence. Rape happens then.

      The last time we mixed religion and politics people got burned at the stake.

      by irishwitch on Sun Jul 31, 2011 at 09:25:52 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Stop changing my words (0+ / 0-)

        I never said "rape doesn't happen"

        It's rape, but my post was specifically outside your context

        If it was a physically abusive relationship, then other sentences are added and the rapist would spend more time in prison than the stranger example I gave

        •  You're the one changing words or, rather, (0+ / 0-)

          distorting the meaning of what I said.  Yes, I said, "Rape happens then".  But it was in the context that marital rape happens AFTER the abuser has separated the woman from her family and friends, destroyed her self confidence and then physically abusing her.  Only after he has reduced her to something he can take his anger out on, does he rape her.

          But I think you damned well knew that.

          The last time we mixed religion and politics people got burned at the stake.

          by irishwitch on Mon Aug 01, 2011 at 12:52:42 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  not always (0+ / 0-)

            what you are saying makes no sense

            rape can only happen in marriage after a man has separated a woman from her family?

            now you are the one limiting the scope of what is rape

            •  No. I am pointing out that most of the time (0+ / 0-)

              rape in  marriage happens in a climate of abuse.  It can happen other times, but I suspect the wife would be more likely to report and have the sorry excuse for a man arrested and charged.  Battered women are often afraid to report.

              Marital rape is another type of domestic violence from the abuser to his or her partner. It makes no difference at all if the person who rapes you is your own spouse. A rape by a spouse is termed as rape and it is an illegal act.

              Studies over marital rape have suggested that the marital rape does as much, if not more, traumatic damage to the victim than raped by any stranger. While in any case rape is rape either by stranger or a spouse is traumatic. It really affects the victim deep inside when raped by a spouse. When rape caused by a spouse the intensity of rape goes beyond a physical and sexual violence. It makes the victim question her self the trust he ever had over her own spouse.

              Many women who are the victims of marital rape are raped repeatedly over and over again by their own spouse. This leaves them to question if they have the right to report the rape, as it may appear that they condoned the rape, or that is was a part of sexual play.

              Defining Marital Rape
              It is sometimes very difficult for women to differentiate between what takes place in her marital bed as rape or sexual play. The rape is done by her own spouse with whom she had been living and interacts on a daily basis, she may question whether it is truly rape or not. In other word, if a woman is being forced by her husband or spouse, to get into sexual acts that she is not comfortable with, that is termed marital rape.

              Marital rape are generally violent and be accompanied by much physical and sexual abuse.
              An abuser may want that sex be a part of the make-up process after he has physically or emotionally abused his partner.
              Marital rape may consist of such act where the spouse catch hold her physically his partner in such a position that during sexual intercourse his partner will not be able to make a move.
              Marital rape can be very sadistic where the spouse forces her partner to perform such act that will degrade his partner.

              Diana Russell (a prominent rape researcher) interviewed over 900 randomly selected women and found that, while 3% had experienced completed rape by a stranger, 8% had experienced completed rape by a husband. Wife rape was the most common type of completed rape reported. These numbers are calculated on all women, including those who haven't ever been married. If you only count women who have been married, 14% - or one in every seven married women - reported either a completed or attempted rape by a husband/ex-husband. David Finkelhor & Kersti Yllo, at the Family Research Laboratory in New Hampshire, surveyed over 300 community women in Boston and found that 10% of women who had been married reported sexual assault by a husband or ex-husband, while 3% reported sexual assaults by strangers (see reference list for these studies). Studies of battered women staying in shelters and women seeking relationship help report from one third to three quarters of those asked reported sexual assaults by their husbands or intimate partners.

              A recent national survey found that 10% of all sexual assault cases reported by women involved a husband or ex-husband attacker (Rape in America, 1992, released by the National Victim Center, Arlington, VA). Because many women are less likely to label sexual assaults by a husband as rape (compared with sexual assaults by strangers or acquaintances) and so are less likely to report them, these numbers must be considered to be low estimates.


              I'd give you a list of resources, but I suspect you wouldn't use them. You just came here to tell the silly women we don't know what we're talking about.

              The last time we mixed religion and politics people got burned at the stake.

              by irishwitch on Mon Aug 01, 2011 at 08:41:46 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

    •  You have absolutely no idea (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Oh Mary Oh, Ana Thema, kyril

      how spousal abuse works. I strongly suggest you learn about it before you start spouting off about it — especially in a thread full of women who have experienced it.

      •  what? (0+ / 0-)

        I never said anything about the context of spousal abuse

        it is pretty ignorant of you to say spousal rape only happens in cases where there is a previous history of abuse

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