It was possibly reported yesterday, at NewsBusters, that a group of well known Conservatives unearthed a film treatment, lost for over two centuries, this past weekend. Purportedly Senator Jim Demint, Glenn Beck, Dick Armey, Congressmen Paul Ryan and Mike Pence, and Mississippi Governor, Haley Barbour, were enjoying some needed R&R, relaxing and fishing at Grover Norquist's, rather simple, weekend home in the recently completed private community; The Lake Freedom Maranatha Sanctuary and Gun Club. It is located close to Conshohocken, 18 miles outside Philadelphia. This very exclusive property was reportedly financed by a wealthy Nicaraguan heiress and features a world class skeet shooting range designed by the ballistics consulting firm of Abramoff & North and, a man made, 172 acre fully stocked lake.
A local man, Cincinnatus Perth, is reported to have been cleaning his catch of shad nearby and supposedly told the reporter, "There was a nicely dressed, a kinda heavy guy -- I think i've seen him on t.v.. He was shouting at a pretty rough looking, tall man, with tattoos all over his bald head. He was telling him not to put the worms in the jar. The other dude, with ugly white people dread locks and a really bad limp, grabbed the pot away from the big guy and thats when the big dude pulled out a Dirty Harry looking gun.I threw my fish down and called 911. I just ran. I ran."
When the police arrived Mr. Barbour was able to de-escalate the situation with his honorary Mississippi State Troopers badge and a newspaper clipping of him pheasant hunting with Dick Cheney.
The reporter was allegedly able to catch up with Senator Demint and Congressman Pence at the Baggataway Tavern, sharing a crock of Baltimore Crab Dip, enjoying a couple of pints of Dock Street IPA. When asked about what had transpired by the river that morning, Senator Demint replied, "Haley made one heck of a find. All I can say at this time is that him and his associates found a buried earthenware vessel containing what appears to, possibly, be a two hundred plus year old screenplay. We are going to have the respected Historian and colleague of Mr. Beck , David Barton, take a look at it and authenticate it. We're very excited. If I have anything to do about it it will finally be made into, probably, the most important American movie of all time, as was intended."
When asked about the subject matter of the script and who wrote it, Congressman Pence asked if he could reply and said, "We don't know for sure who the author is, however, we are pretty sure it was someone very close to the Founders. This will unequivocally and eloquently put to rest any questions about this great nation being an, almost exclusively, Christian nation and our government designed as small government, sailing, vibrant and alive, in an American ocean, teeming with unfettered free market Capitalists."
John Meechum and Doris Kearns Goodwin were not available for comment.
Unfortunately Howard Zinn is no longer with us.
Previously posted at opednews.com