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As was pointed out by Mark Sumner, The Washington Post op-ed page is one of the funniest things around this morning, because a good chunk of it is dedicated to the various "reasons" why (GASP!) the Republicans didn't beat the Scary Black Muslim Sleeper Agent.

But Dana Milbank actually gets down to the facts of the matter -- not only about the loss, but about the thought process Republicans went through as they watched Mittens auger in, which went against all the polls they either dismissed or enabled. More below the Socialist tangerine beignet.

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First, for those of you not familiar with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, here's the best synopsis of the theory Milbank uses to describe the GOPhers' thought process:

OT: Occasionally, I revisit my list of Top 10 Movies of All Time, and All That Jazz is one of the few films that's never been replaced. Yes, it's a shameless rip-off of the film below, but DAMN, it's a lot of fun:

Anyway, here's Milbank's version of Kubler-Ross, as seen through the eyes of various GOPher "notables":

Denial. “I think this is premature,” Karl Rove protested on Fox News election night, after the cable network, along with other news outlets, correctly projected that President Obama had won Ohio — and therefore the presidency. “We’ve got to be careful about calling things.”

Bargaining. “We’re willing to accept new revenue under the right conditions,” House Speaker John Boehner offered Wednesday, shifting his budget negotiating posture before reconsidering the next day, but “the president must be willing to reduce spending and shore up entitlement programs.”

Depression. “If Mitt Romney cannot win in this economy, then the tipping point has been reached,” Ann Coulter said on Laura Ingraham’s radio show. “It’s over. There is no hope.”

Anger. “We should have a revolution in this country,” tweeted flamboyant mogul Donald Trump, who had served as a prominent surrogate for Romney. “This election is a total sham and a travesty.”

Acceptance. Uh, well, there hasn’t been much of that yet.

Milbank also nails every single "reason" for the loss that I've heard since Wednesday at 1am, but also sums up the reality Republicans simply need to face -- even if it means acknowledging the world outside their big plastic bubble:
After Republicans work through the blame, they can get down to the real reason for the loss, and it has nothing to do with Romney, his staff or the weather. Once Republicans can accept this — that their alienation of Latinos and women is shrinking the party into a coalition of white men concentrated in the South — they can begin to do something about it.
True that. Unfortunately I'm thinking that won't happen, despite various pundits and politicians doing a furious backpedal on policy positions that were previously "inflexible". For far too long, the idea of giving President Obama any kind of "win" -- even if that win might actually make things better for the country as a whole -- has been anathema to these people. If an idea makes sense (even if it's an idea previously floated -- and implemented successfully -- by their own candidate for President), it just "doesn't make sense" to support it, because it's supported by that guy who's... Well, you know... one of those people who wear Hoodies!

In short (and continuing the film-intensive direction of this diary), we're going to be hearing a lot of wailing and gnashing about how Obama is doing this to the economy:

But that's the short-term, and I think we all agree that there will be some kind of agreement that will save a few faces. Let's just hope that we're not looking at a "Grand Bargain" that makes the GOPhers feel like winners and makes us feel like we're singing the last lyric of this song:

Discuss. :)

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