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5.  Canada.

I for one welcome our new mild-mannered overlords, with your universal healthcare, placid demeanor, and appropriate reverence for beer.  I trust that you would find humane ways to reeducate / deal with the crazed among us who cannot handle your unique brand of homely, unthreatening society.

4.  The Netherlands.

Send in three divisions: One in charge of marijuana, one in charge of prostitution, and the other a platoon of civil engineers to teach us how to build proper levies and seawalls against rising sea levels.  Crime, poverty, the violence that comes from sexual frustration will disappear overnight, and we will get to work hardening our cities against climate change.

3.  Germany

Just to prove they couldn't handle it, heh heh, like an alternate universe exercise.  Bring lots of giant pretezels, beer, and hot chicks in dirndls.

2.  Britain

America needs more credible dominatrixes - putting a 19-year-old stripper in a leather corset doesn't make her authoritative, so this country is in desperate need of a higher standard.  Furthermore, the blooper reel would be fun when British-trained police accustomed to soccer brawls and knife fights are first put out on the streets of gangland LA.  Sales of the show would create a revenue windfall for the department.

1.  Norway

I want an all-female army of Nordic blonde women taking over my community and enforcing discipline with a hard fist, but a heart open to the good will from a suave bacehlor willing to collaborate for the New Order.  Their men, however, are off in Texas somewhere giving the native rednecks massive inferiority complexes, but will be away indefinitely.  But I'm afraid my nefarious deeds will force the hawt Nordic blonde police ladies to take me away to some secret dungeon for interrogation.

As as an aside, do you ever wonder if tall blond Nordic men fantasize about tiny little Latinas?


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