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Please begin with an informative title:

  Just a bit of doggerel for the Holidays. It's set to "The Twelve Days of Christmas" with a few twists:
1) It doesn't go a full 12 days.
2) You start with a full set of verses and subtract...
3) except when you don't.
4) The verses are all a bit different so you'll have to work on your memory skills or keep the words handy if you want to perform it.
5) There are stage directions for one or two places.(Nothing too strenuous.)
6) The line corresponding to "Five golden rings" is in italics just so you'll know where you are in the music.
7) The last line of the verse is in italics as well.
8) The words mostly fit the music - don't be afraid to bend them to fit if you have to.

This song draws on several American traditions - mainly those related to doing things to excess with the best of intentions. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental. Your mileage may vary. Public performance of this work is permitted - provided the audience is given fair warning. Feel free to use it at parties.

Enjoy! Verses below the Orange Omnilepticon...


You must enter an Intro for your Diary Entry between 300 and 1150 characters long (that's approximately 50-175 words without any html or formatting markup).

The Leftovers of Christmas

On the day after Christmas
My true love gave to me:

Turkey with gravy
Reheated stuffing
Lumpy mashed potatoes
Sweet candied yams
Stale garbage bread
Creamed pearl onions
Grandma’s baked beans
Key Lime Pie!
Four kinds of cookies
Three-Jello salad
Parker House rolls
And a fruit cake from last year.

Two days after Christmas
My true love gave to me:

Turkey with biscuits
Leftover corn bread
Yam-onion hot dish
Leftover baked beans
Still more stuffing
Still more potatoes
The last Key Lime Pie!
Even more cookies
Three-Jello salad
The last of the rolls
And a fruit cake from last year!

Three days after Christmas
My true love gave to me:

Turkey on whole wheat
Turkey on toast
Leftover baked beans
Cold dried-out stuffing
Dried out potatoes
No Key Lime pie!
stale crumbling cookies
Three-Jello salad
Mystery vegetables
And a fruit cake from last year!

Four days after Christmas
My true love gave to me:

Turkey on whole wheat
Turkey on toast
Turkey with cornflakes
Turkey in omelets
Turkey pot pie!
God - not more cookies
No more Jello salad
Mystery vegetables
And a fruit cake from last year.

Five days after Christmas
My true love gave to me

Turkey tetrazini
Turkey noodle soup
Mac & cheese!
Green bean hot dish
Hotdogs in a bun
Pickle on the side
And a fruit cake from last year

The Sixth day after Christmas
My true love gave to me

Two kinds of pretzels
Chips and dip
Crackers and cheese
Veggies on a platter
All kinds of mixed drinks
Fresh tossed Caesar salad
Piping hot croissants
Surf and Turf!
A cup of demitasse
Fresh apple pastry
Cherries jubilee
And the finest imported champagne

Seven days after Christmas
My true love gave to me:

(Slowly and with feeling)
A handful of asprin
Pepto Bismal!

(For a group performance of this song, this break may be used for a mass recital of noises of misery.)

Football on the flat screen
Icepack for the head
A day to relax
And a fruit cake from last year!

Eight days after Christmas
My true love gave to me

(Pause - make them wait for it - Slowly for the big finish!)

Chinese food!
And a fruit cake for the New Year!

Extended (Optional)


This song....

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