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Please begin with an informative title:

Last night, Stephen Colbert had an epic opening segment on a multitude of issues surrounding guns, from the right-wing reaction to the upcoming White House recommendations to gun violence, to the right-wingers recently in the news for their psychotic views about guns, from Alex Jones and James Yeager to Larry Ward and Ted Nugent.

Oh calm down, Piers!  What experience does this Union Jack-off have with guns?  Their police don't even carry them!  Now, if you want a debate about whistle control, I'm all ears.  But Piers is not interested in having a productive discussion.  Look at the way he ignores his guest, radio host, gun advocate, and conspiracy sommelier Alex Jones, and his perfectly reasonable questions.
1/7/2013:

PIERS MORGAN: How many gun murders were there in Britain last year?

ALEX JONES: How many great white sharks...

PIERS MORGAN: No, how many?

ALEX JONES: ... kill people every year but they're scared to swim?

...

PIERS MORGAN: How many gun murders were there...

ALEX JONES: You're going to bang your fist now?

PIERS MORGAN: ...in Britain last year?

ALEX JONES: How many chimpanzees can dance on the head of a pin?

(shocked audience laughter)

Answer the real question, Piers!  How many chimps can dance on the head of a pin?  Why can't donkeys hang glide?  How much lunch meat can you hit with a hockey stick?  It's pointless to talk about gun control until these vital questions have been answered!

Now some have said Piers puts only crazy people like Alex Jones on his show — who oppose all restrictions on gun ownership — when he could just as easily have on reasonable people like the NRA, who oppose all restrictions on gun ownership.

But you know who I dare him to sit down with?  Overnight Internet celebrity and CEO of Tactical Response Firearms Training Center, James Yeager, who reacted to the administration's upcoming gun grab in measured tones.

JAMES YEAGER (1/9/2013): Fuck that.  I'm telling you that if that happens, it's going to spark a Civil War, and I'll be glad to fire the first shot. ... I'm not fucking putting up with this, I'm not letting my country be ruled by a dictator, I'm not letting anybody take my guns!  If it goes one inch further, I'm going to start killing people!
(shocked audience response)

Why would you ever want to take away this man's guns?  (wild audience applause)

....

Now, Yeager got a little heat for his passion about the Second Amendment.  So after a day to cool down and reflect, he expressed himself in a much calmer manner.

JAMES YEAGER (1/10/2013): I was mad when I said it... and probably allowed my mouth to overrun my logic.  But I don't... I don't retract any of my statements.
OK?  He's sorry, just not for the things he said.
JAMES YEAGER (1/10/2013): I don't condone anybody doing anything rash.  I do not condone anybody committing any kind of felonies, up to and including aggravated assaults or murders — unless it's necessary.
(shocked audience response)

Important point, OK?  Only necessary murder, OK?  Someone endangers your family, or takes your yogurt from the break room fridge, or through their democratically elected representatives enacts any gun control law of any kind.

....

LARRY WARD (1/11/2013): If African-Americans had been given the right to keep and bear arms from day one of the country's founding, perhaps slavery might not have been a chapter in our history.
(shocked/disgusted audience response)

Yes, if only America's founders had turned to the people they owned and chained into servitude and said, "Here's your gun.  Use it responsibly."  I guess all Larry Ward is saying is that America would've been a better place if George Washington and Thomas Jefferson had been shot by their slaves.  Because he's a reasonable man.

Video and full transcript below the fold.
Intro

You must enter an Intro for your Diary Entry between 300 and 1150 characters long (that's approximately 50-175 words without any html or formatting markup).

Sorry to keep you waiting, folks, I was just down in my underground bunker and, ah, making preparations.  It's best I don't divulge too many details because... I'm starting to suspect that this place is loaded with microphones and cameras.

Folks, I've been down in the bunker all weekend, getting ready for that dark tomorrow when jack-booted government thugs come for our guns.  That's where this Ghillie suit comes in, all right?  Let's just say for a moment the government busts in here looking to arrest me because I'm a gun owner, and haul me off to one of those jails where you can't bring your gun.  Oh, they have 'em!  Oh, they already have them set up, OK?  The minute the government busts down my door, I just do this.

"Hey, where's Colbert?"

"Hey, he's not in here, just a pile of grass clippings on his desk.  Perfectly normal."

And I'm home free.

OK, folks, you're going to want to get one of these things, OK?  And not just because it's slimming.  No, you're going to get one because tomorrow is the day that Reichmarshal Von Amtrak has promised to issue his recommendations for gun control.

VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN (1/14/2013): I'm going to be submitting to the President a proposal as to how to proceed.  I'm shooting for Tuesday. ... We know that there is no silver bullet.
Did you hear that?  They're taking away our silver bullets!  How will we defend ourselves from werewolf bandits now?

So with our guns under attack, we are devoting an entire act of tonight's show to a thoughtful sensitive conversation about guns. This is Stephen Colbert's Double Barrel Blam-o-rama!

Sadly, folks, people with extreme positions can often dominate this debate.  But there are reasonable people on both sides who are reasonably trying to blame anything but guns.  For instance, we can blame Hollywood.  Just look how many of this year's Oscar nominees glamorize guns: Django Unchained, Zero Dark Thirty, Argo, Lincoln, and worst of all, Les Misérables.  I mean, who among us did not want to shoot Russell Crowe?

And folks, the movies aren't the only culprit.  The real problem is the media our kids consume.  Isn't that right, media adults consume?

JOHN ROBERTS (1/6/2013): Why does Congress always take aim, if you will, at guns? ... You've got to talk about society, violent video games....

MAN ON THE O'REILLY FACTOR (12/17/2012): These are murder simulators.  They rehearse the action.

SEN. JOE LIEBERMAN, I-CT (12/16/2012): The extraordinary realism to video games, movies now, etc., does cause vulnerable young men, particularly, to be more violent.

True.  And in a lot of these games, they're not just using guns, but crowbars, baseball bats, even chainsaws.  That puts frightening ideas in vulnerable kids' heads.  I mean, at this point, if I see a teenager coming at me with a chainsaw, I'm sorry, but I cross to the other side of the street.

Of course, video game violence is not a new problem.  Who can forget, in the wake of Sim City, how children everywhere took up urban planning?  It was all, "Tune in, turn on, and zone for residential use, man!"

Yet, yet, when talk starts about restricting things, it's never video games or movies.  It's always the most innocent among us: our guns.  Why?  Well, look no further than the media, milking tragedy for their own profit, inciting fears instead of calmly and objectively reporting the news, like I am.

Case in point, my guest tonight, CNN host and Matthew Perry in anaphylactic shock, Piers Morgan.  Folks, when it comes to gun rights, like all Englishmen, he drives on the wrong side of the barrel.

PIERS MORGAN (12/20/2012): 100,000 Americans a year are hit by gunfire, and either killed or wounded, and it has to stop.

PIERS MORGAN (12/17/2012): You and your colleagues who support no extra gun control are going to have to wake up and smell the coffee. ... It is a disgrace to America and to the American people.

PIERS MORGAN (12/15/2012): At what point do you gun lobby guys say, we get it, it's time for change? ... You guys on the gun lobby still want to tell me the answer is more guns!  It is madness!

Oh calm down, Piers!  What experience does this Union Jack-off have with guns?  Their police don't even carry them!  Now, if you want a debate about whistle control, I'm all ears.  But Piers is not interested in having a productive discussion.  Look at the way he ignores his guest, radio host, gun advocate, and conspiracy sommelier Alex Jones, and his perfectly reasonable questions.
1/7/2013:

PIERS MORGAN: How many gun murders were there in Britain last year?

ALEX JONES: How many great white sharks...

PIERS MORGAN: No, how many?

ALEX JONES: ... kill people every year but they're scared to swim?

...

PIERS MORGAN: How many gun murders were there...

ALEX JONES: You're going to bang your fist now?

PIERS MORGAN: ...in Britain last year?

ALEX JONES: How many chimpanzees can dance on the head of a pin?

(shocked audience laughter)

Answer the real question, Piers!  How many chimps can dance on the head of a pin?  Why can't donkeys hang glide?  How much lunch meat can you hit with a hockey stick?  It's pointless to talk about gun control until these vital questions have been answered!

Now some have said Piers puts only crazy people like Alex Jones on his show — who oppose all restrictions on gun ownership — when he could just as easily have on reasonable people like the NRA, who oppose all restrictions on gun ownership.

But you know who I dare him to sit down with?  Overnight Internet celebrity and CEO of Tactical Response Firearms Training Center, James Yeager, who reacted to the administration's upcoming gun grab in measured tones.

JAMES YEAGER (1/9/2013): Fuck that.  I'm telling you that if that happens, it's going to spark a Civil War, and I'll be glad to fire the first shot. ... I'm not fucking putting up with this, I'm not letting my country be ruled by a dictator, I'm not letting anybody take my guns!  If it goes one inch further, I'm going to start killing people!
(shocked audience response)

Why would you ever want to take away this man's guns?  (wild audience applause)

(Stephen starts to shimmy)

Not entirely appropriate to shimmy during this discussion, but I saw an opportunity, and I took it.

Now, Yeager got a little heat for his passion about the Second Amendment.  So after a day to cool down and reflect, he expressed himself in a much calmer manner.

JAMES YEAGER (1/10/2013): I was mad when I said it... and probably allowed my mouth to overrun my logic.  But I don't... I don't retract any of my statements.
OK?  He's sorry, just not for the things he said.
JAMES YEAGER (1/10/2013): I don't condone anybody doing anything rash.  I do not condone anybody committing any kind of felonies, up to and including aggravated assaults or murders — unless it's necessary.
(shocked audience response)

Important point, OK?  Only necessary murder, OK?  Someone endangers your family, or takes your yogurt from the break room fridge, or through their democratically elected representatives enacts any gun control law of any kind.

So folks, we need to be ready.  How are we going to get ready?

JAMES YEAGER (1/10/2013): It is time to get ready.  Start working out.  Start stretching.
Yes.  So important, you've got to stretch.  Trust me, when the shit goes down, you do not want to pull a hammy!  (audience applause)  I recommend... feel like I'm in the road show of Where the Wild Things Are.

Folks, I recommend hot yoga.  When you're mounting an armed insurrection, you want your chakras open, and your butt high and tight.

But you can't blame guys like Yeager for being passionate, because guns are the civil rights victims of our time.  I mean, it's no coincidence that most of them are black!  And that I get nasty looks when I sit down with one at a lunch counter.

And folks, I'm not the only one who thinks so.  Standing with me is Larry Ward, founder of the first ever Gun Appreciation Day, which happens to be this Saturday, the same weekend as Martin Luther King Day, and that is no coincidence.

LARRY WARD (1/11/2013): I believe that Gun Appreciation Day honors the legacy of Dr. King. ... I think Martin Luther King would agree with me, if he were alive today.
(audience stunned into silence)

Yes.  Dr. King would be pro-gun, just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nail.  (audience applause)  He was a carpenter.  Because, like Mr. Ward, Dr. King understood that the root of all oppression is lack of firepower.

LARRY WARD (1/11/2013): If African-Americans had been given the right to keep and bear arms from day one of the country's founding, perhaps slavery might not have been a chapter in our history.
(shocked/disgusted audience response)

Yes, if only America's founders had turned to the people they owned and chained into servitude and said, "Here's your gun.  Use it responsibly."  I guess all Larry Ward is saying is that America would've been a better place if George Washington and Thomas Jefferson had been shot by their slaves.  Because he's a reasonable man.

Of course, not as reasonable as the debate's sanest voice, the Motor City Madman Ted Nugent, who, as it turns out, is crazy for tolerance, telling World Net Daily:

TED NUGENT (1/9/2013): There will come a time when the gun owners of America... will be the Rosa Parks and we will sit down on the front seat of the bus.  Case closed.
(wild audience applause)

Case closed!  Cuz folks, if Rosa Parks had had a gun, she would not have been sitting at the back of that bus, she coulda carjacked it!  Of course, the Nuge has long been an inspiration for the civil rights movement.  In the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last, free at last, wango tango, I'm free at last!"  We'll be right back.

Stephen then looked at how Vitaminwater is being sued for false advertising.
Meanwhile, Jon Stewart responded to Paul Krugman's criticism of him over mocking the platinum coin idea.
He then looked at some of the silliness in the media trying to paint Obama as anti-woman in his Cabinet picks.
John Oliver then investigated what happened to investigative journalism at CNN, with some very special guest appearances.
Stephen had on CNN's Piers Morgan, and Jon interviewed Pink Floyd's Roger Waters.
Extended (Optional)

Originally posted to BruinKid on Tue Jan 15, 2013 at 05:00 AM PST.

Also republished by Repeal or Amend the Second Amendment (RASA), Shut Down the NRA, and Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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