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Please begin with an informative title:

As the title suggests, the pastor of the beyond controversial Westboro Baptist Church kicks the bucket, goes to Heaven and is grilled by the holiest of bouncers.


You must enter an Intro for your Diary Entry between 300 and 1150 characters long (that's approximately 50-175 words without any html or formatting markup).

ST. PETER: Fred Phelps, your time on Earth has ended and you must now enter your eternal home as specified in the scriptures. Just as a formality, I'm going to examine my records of your life to determine whether you can spend the afterlife in Heaven.

FRED PHELPS: I'm humbled to stand before you and the realm of The Almighty. I spent my life living in accordance to His Will and bringing numerous souls to His Flock. I will miss my family and friends on Earth, but I look forward to living forever in Heaven.

ST. PETER: My records show you were the pastor and founder of one Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas, U.S.A. Yes, it was noble of you to devote yourself full-time to The Lord. But what troubles me is your congregation's penchant for protesting military funerals.

FRED PHELPS: America's soldiers die because the country they were defending chose to embrace homosexuality. Levitivus decries a man taking another man as his partner so my church made it its mission to spread the message.

ST. PETER: Leviticus was just a man with an opinion. God is all-knowing, ominous and compassionate. Those soldiers left behind families, some with children born into a world without them. Funeral protests don't conform with His Message of unconditional love.

FRED PHELPS: With all due respect, Your Holiness, homosexuality makes a mockery of the traditional family. A child can't grow up with two fathers. A child needs a mother and a father. Genesis begins with the story of Adam and Eve. Being gay is wrong.

ST. PETER: Homosexuals are treated as the lowest of the low. The Lord said disparate treatment of society's undesirables is disparate treatment of him. Your disdain for gays makes a mockery of God's Love for all of His Children.

FRED PHELPS: I'm not a hateful man. All I did was try to save souls from a lifetime of misery and torment with Lucifer. I acknowledge that those protests were a mistake, but I believe I was doing my best for The Lord.

ST. PETER: "God Hates Fags"? God knows only love. He doesn't abhor His Creation. And it's disrespectful how you would use His Holy Name to justify a personal prejudice of yours. What do you have to say for yourself?

FRED PHELPS: I, uh, oh,.....

ST. PETER: Because of the heinous nature of your deeds, Fred Phelps, I deny you entry into Heaven. The fact you distorted The Word to hate and discriminate against those who are different from yourself gives God's Church a black eye. I have no choice, but to send you to Hell. Away with you!


Later in Hell.....

FRED PHELPS: Oh no! Where am I? I'm on fire and it hurts! Get me out of here!

SATAN: Ooh! Fresh meat! I'm sure going to enjoy this! Spread them, fag!


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