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The Washington Times is not the Onion, but only because the Onion has standards. The Washington Times, on the other hand, will print anything.
While media outlets and liberal pundits are rejoicing after Rep. Michele Bachmann announced she would not seek a fifth term for office in 2014, women are stopping to say, “Thank you for paving the way for political greatness.”
Oh dear God.
It is not easy to run for political office — much less for president — but Mrs. Bachmann taught women that we can do it with poise and success.
Well, she taught you can do it. The poise always had a bit of a biting-heads-off-squirrels subtext and the success, well, let's just say there's currently some law enforcement organizations taking a close look at that one—but the running for the White House part is something she totally taught women they can do. Nope, no other woman ever did that before. Can't think of a one.
Remember, it was not long ago that conservative women had no national platform or political standing. Now, thanks to Mrs. Bachmann, we watched a woman win the Iowa straw poll and make a legitimate run for the White House. Whether you agree with her politics or not, one has to acknowledge that Mrs. Bachmann successfully wedged the door open a little further for women, jamming her high heel into the political landscape and showing the “good old boys” she was able to hold her own, even on the presidential debate platform.
Hear that, every other conservative woman ever? The Washington Times says you all sucked and were irrelevant. Also, someone actually wrote "jammed her high heel into the political landscape."
The rest of it generally sounds like it was written by Bachmann's mom. She was awesome in the debates, everyone was impressed with her "passion" and "grasp of policy" but in the end the national press hated her because she was too pretty and so they made her look like a crazy person on a magazine cover. At the end we find out it was written by the president of Concerned Women for America, which is also the Onion version of itself, so there you go.
Can I just say something here? She's just not running for reelection in this district again, she's not dying or volunteering for a one-way trip to Mars. Give it a rest on the hagiographies already.