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"Wait, what? You expect me to actually remain in the South while I speak about segregation, where I might be arrested, beaten, or worse? What are you, crazy? I'm supposed to just hand myself over to Bull Connor? Fuck that. I'm going to talk about US segregation in Poland. If I have to do propaganda or other things for the Eastern bloc states to get them to help me out, that's the way it goes. I'm sure my heroically preaching to the people of Warsaw about the problems of my people in Montgomery, Alabama will achieve a lot back in the States.
"To all those people who are risking life and limb to personally stand up against segregation through Freedom Rides and other activities, I am with you in spirit, and dearly appreciate all the assistance you're giving to my movement. Really, thanks for chipping in. It really does fill my heart with gratitude that you're bearing the brunt of retaliation for the things I'm saying over here. You guys are so cool. Thanks. Just try not to make my statue look too fat, as I know I've got that kind of jowly look from some angles.
"The food over here is...well...I don't want to be negative, but damn. So I hope you appreciate the sacrifices I'm making for you guys. I wish I could be there with you braving the batons and police dogs, but that would be dangerous, and you know how it is. I'm an important guy. I've got deals to make, people to see. I can do way more for the movement if I don't have to worry about the Klan coming for me. In fact, I'm trying to work out a deal where I'd be granted asylum in Finland. That would be an ideal situation where I'd be as free as possible to raise the issues of racism in America without having to face the threats of doing so within the US. So hopefully I'll be a Finnish citizen next time you hear from me! I know some folks are saying this all discredits me, but they're just player haters. They don't know how deeply I'm sacrificing for this cause."
All together now,
Brave Sir Snowden ran away...
Bravely ran away, away...
When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled,
Yes Brave Sir Snowden turned about and gallantly he chickened out,
Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir Snowden!
PS, last Snowden/NSA diary for a while, I promise. This thought was just too fun to pass up posting.