From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Rand Paul was right?
Senator Paul, musing on the scope of the Supreme Court's decision finding the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional:
"If we have no laws on this, people will take it to one extension further---does it have to be humans?”Four days after the Supreme Court's decision, the answer presents itself (WARNING: May not be suitable for small children or grown-up people either):
Where do you put the ring?
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Note: A programming note for the next few days. Tomorrow's C&J will be posted at its usual time. Thursday's commemorative "1776" edition---a cult fave among the grog-swilling crowd---will be posted Thursday morning. There will be no regular C&J Friday or Monday. After that, it's C&Js without a break until October 2025, except for 2015 through 2018, when I'll be suffering a nervous breakdown at an undisclosed tiki hut.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til National Strawberry Sundae Day: 5
Days 'til the 21st International Mango Festival in Coral Gables, Florida: 11
Rank of Ohio, Wisconsin and Minnesota among states with the highest beach water quality violation rate in the latest report by the Natural Resources Defense Council: #1, #2, #3
Rank of Delaware, New Hampshire and North Carolina among states with the lowest beach water quality violation rate: #1, #2, #3
Average consumer credit score in 2011 and 2013, respectively: 690 / 698
(Source: Credit Karma report via USA Today)
Number of people in Colorado expected to get a jury summons related to the July, 2012 Aurora theatre shooting trial, one of the largest jury nets ever cast: 5,000
Expected start date of the trial of James Holmes: 2/14
Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
Something just occurred to me. If the house passes this bill, and it destroys the Republican party, should we care? We've been chatting and screaming at each other for years about how bad the republicans are, but no one is going to follow ditsy advice and vote for nobody, so why not let the party collapse and be replaced by something better? Isn't that what we really need, anyhow?All together now: 1…2…3… Yeahhhhh!
---Commenter Steve at the Michelle Malkin blog
Puppy Pic of the Day: Pour a couple Bacardi and Cokes down my gullet and I can't climb stairs any other way…
and rightly so.
"Keep Your Rosaries Off My Ovaries"My favorite sign was "Wendy Davis: Democrat for Governor," mainly because I made it myself and, since I don't live close to Texas, paraded around my living room with it in solidarity. Afterward, the dog said she's completely on board. The cat is still a toss-up but leaning-D.
"If only my uterus could shoot bullets, then it wouldn't need regulation."
"If you can't trust me with a choice, why trust me with a child?"
"Mind your own uterus"
CHEERS to the big tease. My hope---that is, my realistic expectation, not my pie-in-the-sky wish---of a breakthrough in the Israel-Palestine feud could fit in a thimble. But there's a reason I always thought John Kerry was born to be Secretary of State, so who knows, maybe this is the start of something good:
U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry on Sunday wrapped up four days of shuttle diplomacy on a positive note, saying he had considerably narrowed the gaps between Israel and the Palestinians and that the resumption of negotiations could be “within reach.”Among the breakthroughs: the ice cubes in the drinks at the negotiation table will be made of frozen water. Hey, ya gotta start somewhere…
“I know progress when I see it, and we are making progress,” Kerry said. He would not elaborate, but said he would leave a team of aides in the region to continue the mediation efforts.
CHEERS to the little tease. Oh, good lord, could we really be this lucky? If so…this is the comedy jackpot:
velociraptor swallowed a vuvuzela
The Republican Party received a stern warning from Sarah Palin in a recent Fox News interview, when she threatened to leave the GOP to start the Freedom Party. She said she would leave the GOP if they continued to abandon the "principles that built this party of Lincoln and Reagan," and join forces with commentator Mark Levin to offer the nation a third option that acknowledged the “Libertarian streak that much of us have."A thousand punchlines are now being loaded in the catapults. But what I find funniest about this is knowing that the establishment wing of the Republican party has to take this "threat"…seriously.
CHEERS to leveling the playing field. On July 2, 1964, President Johnson signed into law a sweeping civil rights bill that secured "equal rights in voting, education, public accommodations, union membership and in federally assisted programmes---regardless of race, color, religion or national origin." And that sure pissed off the asshole wing of the American public:
During the debate on the bill, segregationist politicians from America's deep south expressed their disappointment and anger. Congressman Howard Smith of Virginia called it a "monstrous oppression of the people".How sweet to know that today's racist apples don’t fall far from the crazy tree. Today the Republicans---led by Chief Justice Roberts and his Federalist Society brethren on the Supreme Court---seem to believe that overt discrimination against minorities is a thing of the past, and America is now a multi-racial conga line of equality and unicorns. Yeah, I believe that, too. But only when I'm smokin' something really good.
CHEERS to open rebellion. On July 2, 1776, the Continental Congress passed a resolution saying that "these United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States." Luckily Edward Rutledge had a camera phone and recorded the whole thing on his smartphone:
And that, kids, is why we have those awesome July mattress sales.
JEERS to bad omens. On July 2 in, respectively, 1961, 1998 and 2004, we lost Ernest Hemingway, Jimmy Stewart and Marlon Brando. And in 1881 President Garfield was shot. And on this date in 1937, Amelia Earhart and navigator Fred Noonan disappeared over the Pacific Ocean while attempting to get the beverage cart down the aisle during their round-the-world flight. I think I'm gonna go back to bed.
Five years ago in C&J: July 2, 2008
JEERS to rude awakenings. This is just fuckin' awful: Orange to Blue candidate Darcy Burner's house burned down yesterday morning. She and the family (including the puppy) made it out okay. Special "Thank You" to five year-old son Henry, who woke up Mom and Dad in time to escape. Consider your allowance doubled, kid.
CHEERS to clearing your name. Nelson Mandela was officially removed from the federal terrorist watch list yesterday, so now he can travel to the United States freely. But make sure somebody checks his shoes, anyway. All that white hair and worldy gravitas look suspicious to me.
And just one more…
CHEERS to the do-gooders among us. Every Friday our C&J poll asks, "Who won the week?" Granted, the available options I give you to choose from are just one persons opinion (Thor's, channeled through me). But we do try to round up a dozen or so representative samples every week of the people and events that spark feelings of pride and optimism in the Kossack chest cavity. Thanks to your smarts and good sense, the Class of the Second Quarter of 2013 is a good-lookin' bunch, and you even let a Republican (Bob Dole) join the ranks---YAY BIPARTISANSHIP!!! The envelopes, please…
April 5 The Connecticut House and Senate, for passing a tough new responsible-gun-ownership bill, and Governor Malloy for signing itWho will the winners be in the third quarter? I'm sworn to secrecy, but here's a hint: one of them has letters in her name. Stay tuned!
April 12 Senator Elizabeth Warren, who verbally took apart federal regulators in a Banking Committee hearing for shielding big banks over their illegal foreclosure activities
April 19 None, due to Boston bombings
April 26 University of Massachusetts-Amherst student Thomas Herndon, who found the rookie mistakes in the oft-cited austerity-pushing Reinhart-Rogoff economic study
May 3 NBA center Jason Collins, who came out as the first openly-gay player in a major professional team sportAll our winners receive a gift
certificate good for fine merchandise
from the Spiegel catalog.
May 10 The three kidnapped Cleveland women (and one child) who were found alive, and the neighbors including Charles Ramsey & Angel Cordero who helped free them
May 17 (Tie) Bangladesh seamstress Reshma Begun, who survived under the rubble of that collapsed factory for 17 days and is in good condition ….. and Minnesota, which became the 12th state to approve gay marriage
May 24 Oklahoma heroes--the teachers, first-responders, rescue workers, volunteers, local TV meteorologists, and relief agencies who sprang into action during and after the tornadoes
May 31 Former Republican Senator (and Bill Clinton's '96 challenger) Bob Dole, for saying his party has no ideas and should shut its doors.
June 7 Glenn Greenwald and the Guardian newspaper, for breaking the story about the Congress-approved NSA Eye-of-Sauron data-mining operation
June 14 Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD), for revealing details that destroyed Darrell Issa's anti-Obama claims in the IRS controversy
June 21 The 700+ Texans who held a 'people's filibuster' in the state House yesterday and prevented an anti-abortion bill from advancing
June 28 Texas state Senator Wendy Davis, who maintained her filibuster of a Republican-sponsored anti-abortion bill for 11 hours, then got an assist from fellow Senator Leticia Can De Putte and the gallery crowd to run out the clock
Have a nice Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:-
"The first three days are the toughest in the Cheers and Jeers Cleanse. That’s when you’re most snarky. If you can get beyond three days, you feel the sarcasm just seeping out of your body."