Last night, Stephen Colbert did more for journalism than the mainstream media by highlighting an arrogant-disguised-as-humility interview Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) gave, and what Cruz deliberately left out.
Nation, I love humility. And I am proud to say that I am as humble or more humble than anyone else out there. You think you're humbler than me? Fuck you. I am the king of humility.Video below the fold.
And so I am a huge fan of first term Texas Senator and guy with Josh Groban on his workout mix tape Ted Cruz. Senator Cruz's very public outspokenness has made him a thorn in the side of the GOP leadership, but they haven't told the press about their displeasure, because whenever they get near a camera, Ted Cruz is already in front of it.
Recently, Cruz sat down with ABC's Jonathan Karl to explain what keeps him so darn modest.7/21/2013:(audience laughter)
JONATHAN KARL: You argued a case before the Supreme Court at age 32.
SEN. TED CRUZ, R-TX: It's an extraordinary opportunity to stand before the U.S. Supreme Court, takes your breath away. And we didn't have a prayer. We were not going to win that case, and I stood up and for 30 minutes, there was not a single friendly question. ... I have always liked the fact that I sit in my office, and I look at a giant painting of me getting my tail whipped 9-0, and it is very good for instilling humility.
Yes, I gotta tell ya, I don't know what part of this painting comes off as more humble.
Is it the hint of halo surrounding his head, or is it look toward heaven, or is it all the people in this painting of him who are painting more paintings of him? (audience laughter and applause)
In fact, Ted Cruz is so humble, he doesn't even mention what noble cause he championed before the Supreme Court that day. This modest hero argued that Texas should be allowed to "back out of a legal settlement in which it had vowed to improve health care services for poor children."
You know what? No wonder he looks so Christ-like in that painting. I mean, we all remember the story of Jesus promising to multiply loaves and fishes for the poor, then backing out of it on legal grounds. I mean, all that raw fish sitting out in the desert sun? I mean, sashimi and Israel? Come on, that's just a food poisoning lawsuit waiting to happen.
And folks, it's no wonder I like Ted Cruz so much, because I too like to keep my ego in check by having portraits done of myself. For instance, this wall-size mural of me holding just one of the Emmys I was nominated for in 2010.
You know what? It could be 2008. I've won a couple of times.
Anyway, it just keeps me humble. Or the time I was cutting down a tree limb that was hanging over the driveway, and it fell on me, which was pretty embarrassing. So I had it commemorated on canvas in a piece entitled "The Passion of the Stephen".
A little note to any priests watching, this act of humility is also available in stain-glass. We'll be right back.