Dear Card Services:
I do not have any dispute that will delay paying my bill but, boy howdy, I really have a dispute. This dispute just arose for the second time and I now reduce it to writing because apparently my loud and long expression of it by telephone the first time had no effect.
This evening, I got a robo-call asking me to verify three “suspicious” charges “for my protection.” The robot did not mention until the end of the call that my card use was apparently suspended pending this idiotic waste of electrons.
As I said the last time I complained, what if I had not been home? What if I had been in Canada? The Caribbean? Europe? And my primary credit card suddenly died?
The “suspicious” charges are as follows, all dated today:
MONUMENT CAFÉ GEORGETOWN $20.03The Monument Café is where I often eat in this small town. That particular Walgreens is a block from my home and that sum is the copay for a prescription on my health insurance. As anyone with a pulse knows, Four Square is a portable payment processor, and that particular payment was processed in my living room, where I had asked a veterinarian to come to euthanize my elderly cat so he would not die uncomfortable and afraid (even if $200 cheaper).
WALGREENS COMPAGEORGETOWN $10.00
SQUARE,INC. SAN FRANCISCO $365.00
While it may be odd that I will pay $300 to avoid driving a dying animal about a mile, a charge on a portable payment processor cannot be, ipso facto, suspicious, or we shall have to cancel the turn of the 21st century. It’s not that hard to find the account registered to a veterinarian, is it?
Just like the last time I complained, these charges could only be suspicious in the mind of some nerd who wrote the algorithm you are using without departing from his mother’s basement.
Then your robot had the gall to assert that this fandango was protecting me. As you and I both know, I am protected by federal law. I am inconvenienced by your robot to protect you. I don’t mind protecting you if the algorithm that selects transactions for “suspicion” were written by a grownup, you did not take my card off line while you protect yourself, and you did not lie to me about it, since that last part feels like insult added to injury. Once more, the injury occurs if I want to use my card while you are fooling around.
Like I said the last time I complained, it would be a hassle to close this account because I have a number of recurring charges going on it. I switched to this card for the benefits and I like them, but this is the second time I have been left scratching my head at what kinds of customers you normally serve if my boring life keeps coming up “suspicious."
It’s enough to make me….suspicious.
If you seriously think this nonsense protects me in any way, please send me a waiver and I’ll sign it and you can quit protecting me.
If you don’t, kindly quit lying about it and please adjust whatever is adjustable on my account to be sure I can keep using it. If you cannot help me, please reply and explain that you can’t help me because I want a record of this second complaint and any others I have to make.
Yours in Suspicion,