I once tried to commit suicide. It happened over 30 years ago, but I can remember the event as if I tried yesterday. I had a glass of wine and enough Clonazepam to kill myself.
I sat in the front seat of my car, watched a squirrel and put all the pills in my mouth at once. I spit them out not thinking at all about the gag reflex.
I started laughing so hard, and loud folks could hear me in the next city. I was so stupid I couldn't even kill myself!
I took my failed attempt as a sign and never tried again. I thought, well you have hit bottom and its only "up" from here.
I had two sons and a wife who didn't work, but that fact didn't stop me from trying.
SUICIDE IS A SELFISH ACT.
I was a very arrogant salesman at the time and thought I could start my own business.
Here is a tip: Never go into business with a drunk salesman with P.T.S.D.I made every mistake one can think of and then I made it again. I was, and still am,a compulsive person.
I wish I could say things became wonderful for after that. I would be a liar. It took loosing my wife,my home,my sons becoming mentality ill and drug addicts to force me to go to the Veterans Hospital and get help. I was diagnosed with P.T.S.D.and later with Bi-Polar disorder and still later, Agent Orange which caused Parkinson"s.
I stopped drinking in one day. I never went to a meeting for liquor abuse. I ate candy instead.
I gained weight until I weighed over 345 lbs.
Now you have heard all of my embarrassing moments in from my life(for now).
I am writing this primarily for Veterans coming home from "the big sandbox".
Learn from my mistakes. If someone says you need help,you probably do. All drinking did for me was to hide my pain. It made me loose a beautiful lady, and if I hadn"t been such a drunk, I really think my Sons lives would have turned out better.
Put your loved ones health in front of you. Doing that makes you a better person.
learn about nutrition and life style. Exercise can tame nearly all the "demons" out of you. I have taken almost every pill for anxiety the Veterans Doctors have,NOTHING beats exercise. I now weigh around 200 lbs.
Work for clarity in your head. Live for today. I had to turn around and face all of my pain.Only then I could say I would give my past no more power over me. I may be dead on Friday so I try and live each day as if it"s my last one on Earth.
Don"t worry if you can"t find your ideal job. Do something and listen "to your inner voice"
Help people in need. You would be shocked to find how much need their is for you. Sometimes a hug and a shoulder can save a life.
You are coming home to a Nation divided and splitting apart. If your reading this post, I assume you are a good young liberal! Man! are you needed. If your a Republican, I still welcome you home. Maybe when you see the backlog the Veterans Hospital has, and meet some hungry people in person,you will be a moderate in your thinking.
I can write 10,000 words on these issues. I am sure I have missed something. So better listen to experts,don"t keep anything inside you and thank you for your service!
4:34 PM PT: If you need to talk to someone right this second,call 1-800-273-8255
Take care of yourself!