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C&J Goes A' Caroling

For a jolly good time, substitute these for the originals when you go door-to-door this War-on-Christmas season!

Dreck from Hallmark
(Apologies to "Deck the Halls")

Dreck from Hallmark hangs so neatly
Falalalala La La La La
On the bigots' trees so sweetly
Falalalala La La La La

"Don we now our FUN apparel?"
What the hell? What the hell? What…the…hell!

Dreck from Hallmark fails completely
Falalalala La La...[Facepalm]

Dear Santa, I can explain...
O Plagiarist!
(Apologies to "O Christmas Tree")

O Plagiarist! O Plagiarist!
How blatant is thy stealing
O Plagiarist! O Plagiarist!
How ugly and revealing
I point at you---yes you, Rand Paul
You pilfer words and that takes gall
O Plagiarist! O Plagiarist!
How blatant is thy stealing

Firm Handshake
(Apologies to "White Christmas")

I'm dreaming of a firm handshake
Between Obama and Castro
Just a brief, chance meeting
A short, quick greeting
Would be kinda cool, you know

I'm dreaming of a firm handshake
A nod and smile to be polite
It will be a very odd sight
And will make the Fox News heads ignite.

[Drops mic]
[Throws underpants at audience]
[Gets ushered out of nursing home for terrorizing the residents]

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]


You must enter an Intro for your Diary Entry between 300 and 1150 characters long (that's approximately 50-175 words without any html or formatting markup).

Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, December 12, 2013

Note: Come back in 15 minutes.  I'm on my break.


Boxing Day Mattress Sale graphic
14 days 'til the
BIG mattress sale!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next full moon, during which federal law requires that you look up and wink at Neil Armstrong: 5
Days 'til the Boxing Day: 14
Number of George Washington Bridge operators who were informed why two-thirds of the lanes on the Fort Lee side would be blocked on orders of the Christie administration, causing massive traffic backups: 0
(Source: Maddowblog)
Portion of U.S. drivers who admit they become more aggressive behind the wheel around the holidays: 1/3
(Source: Prof. David Brown, University of Alabama)
Rank of Shanghai's 15-year-olds in reading, math and science test scores: #1
Rank of American 15-year-olds in those categories: #24, #36, #28
(Source: Program for International Student Assessment report)
Number of cherry pies that can be made from the cherries off of one tree: 28
(Source: Parade)


Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:

Molly ivins publicity photo &nbsp;--- small
Meanwhile, in our goody bags, President Clinton left a nice veto that unhappily becomes of greater interest every day. You may recall some of us inveighing against yet another financial industry special-interest bill, the so-called bankruptcy reform act. This was a Sen. Phil Gramm special, and when have we ever known Gramm not to side with big banks---except when he is siding with bigger banks?

(Reminds me of a Jim Hightower line. Someone once said in his presence, "Phil Gramm is his own worst enemy." Hightower promptly replied, "Not while I'm still alive.")
---December, 2000


Puppy Pic of the Day: He looks like a Marv


CHEERS to something big business does right.  The Human Rights Campaign is out with its annual Corporate Equality Index, and it's full of awesome.  The money quote from HRC president Chad Griffin:

HRC's 2014 Corporate Equality Index report logo
"This will go down in history as the year that corporate support for equality left the boardroom and reached each and every corner of this country. Not only do fair-minded companies guarantee fair treatment to millions of LGBT employees in all 50 states, but now those same companies are fighting for full legal equality in state legislatures, in the halls of Congress and before the U.S. Supreme Court.”
With this massive wave of corporate support for LGBT rights, you'd think John Boehner would heed his overlords' wishes and let the House pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act that the Senate approved a couple weeks ago.  Stop thinking.  It brings disappointment.

JEERS to rude awakenings.  Are you a heavy sleeper or a light sleeper?  Me, I tend to wake up to most sounds pretty easily---horn honks, snow plow going by, Grandma making that crackling sound as her apparition hovers over the bed.  So I can't begin to understand how you can be a passenger on an airliner and sleep so heavily that you don’t feel the landing, get overlooked by the flight crew during their final check, and wake up in a dark, empty plane.  Tom Wagner says he frantically called his girlfriend on his cell because he was desperate to get out as fast as possible.  In other news, the Guinness Book of World Records plans to include Wagner in the next edition as the world's first passenger to ever complain about having too much legroom.

CHEERS to do-overs. If you or someone you know is thinking of going to Netroots Nation but you haven't registered yet, Raven Brooks has some good news:

Register NOW for Netroots nation 2014
Do you have a fellow political activist in your family? Or a friend or colleague who would love to learn new skills and connect with other passionate organizers? Why not gift them (or yourself!) with a ticket to the largest progressive gathering of the year?  For three days only, we're rolling back our current rate to attend Netroots Nation 2014 to just $235 (a $40 discount).  The conference is July 17-20 in Detroit.  Last year, we expanded our programming to include 10 additional panels, 10 new trainings and an inspiring Ignite program on Saturday night. This year, we'll be in the newly renovated Cobo Center, located along the Detroit waterfront.

Click here to get your ticket at the reduced holiday rate.

The discount ends tonight at midnight Pacific time.  It's their way of spreading a little holiday cheer.  So from everyone at Netroots Nation: "Happy President's Day two months early, and Feliz James Buchanan!"

JEERS to the most activist activist judges ever.  On December 12, 2000---in between rounds of Texas Hold 'Em---the Supreme Court reversed a Florida Supreme Court ruling that said, Hey, maybe we should, like, count all the votes or something:

Pay attention, Scalia.
In a brazen act of deceit, the five-justice majority issuing the Court's per curiam decision knowingly misrepresented December 12 as Florida's chosen deadline for completing the vote count. They held that Florida law allowed no time to count the remaining 175,000 votes: [...] This overt misrepresentation of Florida election law flabbergasted members of the legal profession from coast to coast. These same justices who on so many prior occasions had championed the rights of states had now casually and willfully nullified Florida law.
But at least President George W. Bush fulfilled his promise to restore dignity and competence back to the government.  Yay.  Squeaky Playskool gavels for everyone!

P.S. Whaddya bet that our first Chief Justice, John Jay, is spinning in his grave, knowing that the above abuse of judicial power was exercised on his birthday?  Pay your respects, and sympathies, here.

Maine's terrible governor.
JEERS to not-so-hot wheels.  This is the kind of thing that is going to sink our tea party governor's chances of clinging to a second term.  We have a "non-emergency transportation" program in Maine for people who need a lift to their medical appointments.  It ran quite well until Governor Paul LePage's Department of Health and Human Services scrapped it and hired a private company called Coordinated Transportation Solutions that turned out to be uncoordinated and utterly incompetent at transportation solutions, but very adept at sucking over $28 million of taxpayer money.  As soon as they started, there was a cascade of thousands of complaints that are still happening over four months later.  People aren’t getting their rides, they're missing cancer appointments, mental health appointments, preventive care appointments…you name it.  CTS should stand for Crony Treasury Siphoners.  And guess what?  They now say they need more money.  Apparently, incompetence is more expensive than they originally thought.  Gotta hand it to 'em, though: they really suck at giving us rides, but they sure are doing a swell job at taking us for one.


Five years ago in C&J: December 12, 2008

CHEERS to magic words.  I know you're sitting on pins and needles waiting to see what the top Google search words were in 2008.  Well, your wait is over (via USA Today):

Obama…Facebook…att…iphone…youtube…fox news…palin…beijing 2008…david cook…surf the channel.

Poor John McCain...shut out again.  And Fox News is only there because the network's viewers have trouble remembering "foxnews.com" (it is a long and confusing URL).  But the most unintentionally funny search term of the year has to be: Did you mean Glenn Beck Plain Stupid?  I didn’t know there was any other way to describe him.


And just one more…

CHEERS to encores.  Well, if you insist...

Third Way Time!
(Apologies to "Jingle Bells")

A box of austerity?
You shoukdn't have!
(Seriously. Shitty gift.)
A while or two ago
They popped up unannounced
Then all the pundits swooned
And gods they were pronounced

"We're here with big bold plans,
To put this country right.
And we all know just what to do
And do it in one night!"


Third Way time! Third Way time!
We will save the day!
Cut and hack and slash and burn
our troubles all away! Hey!

Third Way time! Third Way time!
Take from those with less
(Since it's just austerity
It should be called "BS.")

Have a nice Thursday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Glenn Greenwald ridiculed Time on Wednesday for the magazine's decision to name Pope Francis---and not Bill in Portland Maine---its "person of the year" for 2013.

Extended (Optional)


Do you favor implementation of the 'Volcker Rule' (approved this week by regulators) that prevents banks from speculative trading with money insured by taxpayers?

95%3524 votes
2%108 votes
0%24 votes
0%3 votes
0%24 votes

| 3685 votes | Vote | Results

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