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Please begin with an informative title:

Zoos all over the world are discovering that monkeys who are fed a diet rich with fruit grown primarily for human beings are becoming obese and having health problems typically seen in the human population. It seems the fruit, selectively nurtured and hybridized to maximize the sweetness humans enjoy, has become a less than ideal staple for the lesser primates (and I mean lesser as in the evolutionary scale that we humans have created, which places humans as the higher primate, naturally, at the pinnacle of development).

Read more under the curl.

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One of the problems seen in the incarcerated monkey population is diabetes. In order to cure this problem, those in charge of feeding in some zoos have been forced to remove bananas from the menu. This doesn't go down well with the monkeys. Most get pissed off at the loss of a favorite food. Smarter zoo keepers slowly wean the furry little primates off the forbidden fruit over a period of weeks or months, and reserve it for special treats, or to hide the presence of medicine. This method is easier on the little guys and gals, and makes for a healthier population with fewer problems and a reduced veterinary budget. In the end, everyone is a winner. Either way, that classic image of a chimp enjoying a banana is not the kind of thing you'll be spotting in the animal prisons of the future.

As I reviewed my latest email from the Gun Owners of America, I thought of monkeys. While I've often found a similarity between chimps and the Tea Party and gun nuts who fling terms like “gun grabber” and “hoplophobe” as easily as poo in a primate house, the deleterious effects of a too-sweet diet for monkey's and propaganda fed to our fun-gun society came to mind when I read some of the things the clever monkeys at the  GOA (and I'm sure the NRA too) are shoving down the throats of their subscribers.

From the GOA begging letter of 1/7/14 (edited for space, and because I can, using freedom that I enjoy as a member of the minions of Barack the Merciless):

“In a “Friday media dump” designed to conceal its actions by releasing them after the press has left town, the Obama administration last week announced its intention to push two regulations which would massively expand the federal gun bans imposed on Americans.”

What has the Almighty One done now, I wondered, and how did I miss something “massive”?

““SEE A SHRINK; LOSE YOUR GUNS.

“The first proposal -- from HHS -- would effectively say that federal health privacy laws (HIPAA) do not apply to the Second Amendment.”

First I wondered why the shouting? All caps? And “shrink”? Really? And “effectively”? I do appreciate when someone tells me what to think, it sure saves time from having to read the facts.

“This isn’t the first time Obama has stuck his leering eyeballs into Americans’ medical records and private affairs. From its Orwellian government database on Americans’ health records to its voracious seizure of Americans’ phone records, the Obama administration can’t trample our personal privacy fast enough.”

Indeed. I have to say I'm tired of people with leering eyeballs looking into my record of chiropractor visits and flu shots (shakes fist at clouds).  And I know when he sees accounts of my mothers wart removals he's shaking with prurient delight, not to mention the spasms of joy that my father's multiple hemorrhoids  surgeries must provide. You should see his library of grandma's colonoscopy videos (private holiday viewing only).

“But HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ efforts to turn over personal mental health information to the government’s gun ban blacklist (NICS) is particularly loathsome.”

“Not to be outdone in the Sebelius/Holder “Mutt and Jeff act,” Attorney General Eric Holder -- currently being pursued for contempt of Congress -- intends to seize guns from persons subject to “outpatient commitments (even without a court order) (and) ... someone (deemed by some bureaucrat to be) lacking mental responsibility or deemed insane...”

Indeed. It's “loathsome” to think someone with possibly violent tendencies and delusions might be refused their right to stand in front of their mirror pinching their nipples and fondling their favorite pistol, brandishing it at shadows, dry clicking, loading and unloading it, spinning and crouching and fast drawing. It's “loathsome” to think such a creature might be denied a deadly weapon that's capable of killing his/her neighbors through several walls and closed doors. But “Mutt and Jeff”? Huh?

(Here's a link to the this entire article at FilthyLiberal.com, which includes the whole GOA letter for the record.)

Mutt and Jeff. Shouting. Isn't it clear? This email is aimed at our aged population– who else would really go into a knee-slapping fugue state at this reference? People who can't or won't use the internet to run the real information to ground, who are often victimized by Fox News and talk radio. That's the real audience for people at the GOA, who apparently think that it's beyond the pale to want an insane and violent person to be barred from owning a weapon of personal mass destruction.

This sweet message, filled with empty calories, is making the American population sick. But it's not diabetes that's killing us. It's each other. And there doesn't seem to be any middle ground. So I think we must, as a society, look to the zoo keepers to lead us. We must find a way to wean our sick members of  this treat that is killing us. How? I don't know. I'm just a minion of the Dark Lord. But maybe someone can come up with a method, maybe, that takes the poisonous fruit out of  the hands of our lesser evolved members a little bit at a time, so they know they can exist in a safer way and still get their sweet, sweet killing toys when necessary before it's too late? Someone? Please?

I'd like to add a little about myself to set the record straight. I have no fear of guns. I grew up in the midwest smack in the middle of hunting and fishing society. I lived with a lot of guns around the house. No one was ever harmed by them because we were taught simple and effective safety rules. You see, it is possible to have that sweet, sweet treat available, as long you don't let it make you sick. But if you ARE sick, you shouldn't get the treats. Not everyone can be trusted with the candy. We should be able to figure out a way to wean the lesser evolved members of our American society off the treats that are harming the tribe. Clearly, the GOA an the NRA do not give a damn about that.

This entire article, and the GOA letter in its entirety, is at FilthyLiberal.com (for some reason the link feature doesn't appear to work - Kos?).

Extended (Optional)

Originally posted to Tarantulla on Fri Jan 17, 2014 at 08:25 AM PST.

Also republished by Shut Down the NRA.

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