GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or even just thinking of quitting, please join us! We kindly ask that politics be left outside.
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"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date.Sorry for last night's shoveling-induced scheduling hiccup. I literally couldn't type more than a few sentences at a time last night before my poor overworked hand started protesting; writing a whole diary and responding to comments would have been beyond me. Too much of the wrong kind of repetitive strain I suppose; the Advil helped but I'm still a bit achy and favoring my right hand. One of the less glamorous aspects of getting older---I'm still sturdy and strong enough to spend hours shoveling, but I pay for it afterward and the bounce-back isn't as speedy, dang it.
No time to say hello, good-bye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.
I'm late and when I wave, I lose the time I save.
My fuzzy ears and whiskers took me too much time to shave.
I run and then I hop, hop, hop, I wish that I could fly.
There's danger if I dare to stop and here's a reason why:
I'm over-due, I'm in a rabbit stew.
Can't even say good-bye, hello, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late."
The White Rabbit, Disney's Alice in Wonderland
Still, I managed to pull together something for tonight---better late than never, as they say.
That happens to me a lot in life, I realize. I have a funny relationship with time; I'm one of those perpetually-running-ten-minutes-late people. I don't MEAN to do it, and when it's critical I be on time I don't do it, but it happens consistently enough to be my usual M.O. It used to be much worse...I rarely got a good seat in college lectures, and I've missed the first act of a few plays at the theater, the opening act of more than one concert, and God knows how many buses and subway trains in my life. I once missed a flight (that one was due to traffic, but it's not like I didn't know the traffic was going to be there; it WAS Boston after all). I've missed the opening statements at conference keynote speeches, introductions at meetings (not often, but enough to have anxiety dreams about it), and the coming attraction trailers at countless movies.
It's not just the little things in life, either; the pattern holds true for bigger things as well. I don't like my bills to be due on the first of the month; I aim for the 15th if I can swing it. My dog gets his heartworm medicine at the END of the first week of the month, not the first. And so on.
And when I decide to make a big change, I almost never do it when logic would dictate, even if the thing that inspired the impulse (an anniversary, a birthday, a specific calendar date) has passed. New fitness regimes and diets don't happen in January for me; February is the magic month. I meant to quit smoking before I turned 40; that birthday came and went...and came around again, and about a month after I turned 41, that's when it finally clicked.
Better late than never.
I don't know precisely what drives this built-in delay, I just know it's there. It's probably a combination of things. I often have the sense that I haven't done enough to prepare myself for whatever it is that's looming, that I'm not ready, that conditions aren't "perfect" yet for whatever reason. I work in a field that's all about triage, so I am conditioned to work close to deadline. I sometimes take on too much and underestimate the time it'll take me to do everything. And sometimes, it's simply losing track of what's going on and what I should be doing at a particular moment, because I'm human and even the best jugglers and the most organized folks (the latter of which I have never claimed to be) get distracted sometimes.
It's important to note, however, that I do manage to get myself there eventually, or at least make more than a half-hearted attempt at doing so. It may not be perfect, or timely, or work out the way I'd envisioned it, but I do get there.
Better late than never.
Who's Your Buddy?
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