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Please begin with an informative title:

A still from the set of the Andy Griffith Show, 1961, depicting town residents locked in jail cell
And then Aunt Bee got busted for cooking meth.
Here's Fox News pundit Todd Starnes, waxing philosophic about simpler times.
I grew up in a time when father still knew best—when Mr. Cunningham was dispensing words of wisdom to Fonzie, when Andy took Opie fishing and when Cliff Huxtable declared that he brought his son into the world and he could take him out. It was a time when Hollywood reinforced the values of the traditional American family. Television shows like The Waltons, Little House on the Prairie and The Brady Bunch presented portraits of strong families where parents ruled the roost and children knew their place.
All of those characters are, of course, from the teevee and not from real life. We should point this out because Todd Starnes ain't gonna, and I have a cold right now and am feeling decidedly under the weather so I'm just going to pause here for you to insert your own observations as to all the bits of real-world American life and history Mr. Cunningham and Andy and the Brady Bunch conspicuously left out because, well, duh. Go ahead, go for it, I'll wait here.

Those are some good points, all of you. All right, let's cut to the chase.

Those days are long gone. Nowadays, children know best and dads are portrayed as dithering dolts. Instead of a mom and dad and two kids, the cul-de-sac includes families with two mommies or two daddies or a mommy who identifies as a daddy—and they’ve been saddled with gender-neutral offspring.

The modern family has been deconstructed. Women are wearing combat boots and according to The New York Times, men are wearing ladies’ shoes. No wonder everyone’s confused.

Starnes goes on to say that this conspicuous lack of Andy and Opie is conspiring to make good decent folks get divorces, because we ain't in the Leave it to Beaver version of the 1950s anymore and your wife can ask you for a divorce if you're caught in the backroom making out with a member of your campaign staff and you aren't allowed to beat her senseless until she changes her mind and begs you for forgiveness—I'm paraphrasing, of course, but I think I have the gist of the Starnes point—but I think we should leave it at the Todd Starnes Gendered Footwear Hypothesis. To sum up, the Waltons got cancelled, Marsha Marsha Marsha, the womenfolk wear boots nowadays and because of that the American institution of marriage is going right down the crapper.

That's some top-notch punditing right there. I can see why Fox pays this fellow the big bucks.


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Originally posted to Hunter on Tue Apr 08, 2014 at 02:45 PM PDT.

Also republished by Daily Kos.

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