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Please begin with an informative title:

On Real Time with Bill Maher tonight, 05/16/2014:

 The Panel:

Ian Bremmer is the president of the Eurasia Group and a global research professor at New York University. His most recent book is Every Nation for Itself: Winners and Losers in a G-Zero World. He recently wrote an op-ed in The Straits Times on the fragile economics of South Africa, India, Indonesia, Turkey and Brazil.

Twitter: @IanBremmer

Kellyanne Conway is the President and CEO of The Polling Company, as well as the editor and publisher of WomanTrends Online. Conway recently appeared on PBS’ To The Contrary to discuss men’s role in ending sexual assault, as well as gender equity and child slavery both domestic and abroad.

Twitter: @KellyannePolls

Governor Brian Schweitzer is the chairman of the Stillwater Mining Company and an MSNBC contributor. He served two terms as the Governor of Montana, from 2005 to 2013.

Twitter: @BrianSchweitzer

Kevin Nealon joins the panel mid-show to talk about his new movie, Blended, with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, opening May 23rd. His stand-up tour continues May 24th at the Fallsview Casino in Niagara Falls, Ontario.

Twitter: @Kevin_Nealon

...said some remarkably ridiculous shit with straight faces but my favorite had to be when Kellyanne Conway said that the sequester was designed to make even, impartial cuts across the board and it worked.

This is actually, ironically true - but only if you understand that the goal was always austerity.

I distinctly remember being told that the sequester was designed to be so bad that neither side would be able to live with it and that would incentivise them to work together and compromise to pass a fucking budget.  Obviously that  didn't happen.

Of course the sequester was actually designed and intended to make sure that austerity was the default position.  So instead of passing a hugely unpopular and damaging budget and risking voter disapproval all they had to do was nothing.  Which is the one thing they are really good at doing.  And always safer politically.  Win win.

Now you just have to restore funding to any program or department that you can't live without, like air traffic controllers to make sure your flight isn't delayed or drones to make sure those terrorists can't get married (or buried) and zip zop, Bob's yer uncle!

Head Start?  SNAP?  Where's the profit in that shit?  Who's gonna pay for it?  Sounds like some kinda french socialism deal to me.

No, no...  we'll help you buy insurance.  Lots and lots of money to be made in insurance and pharmaceuticals and shit.  Of course that means more and more sick people are going to be burdening the system and draining profits but we can burn that bridge later.  An unfortunate but temporary side effect.  Besides...  Obamacare will destroy the economy and the world will end in fire and the Teabaggers will take back America anyway so try not to worry about it.  It won't hurt as much if you don't struggle.

Unemployment?  Prolongs dependency.  Infrastructure?  That would add to the debt.  Minimum wage?  Prices will go up and businesses will fail.  (Except in Washington State which coincidentally has the highest minimum wage and the highest job growth.)  Ahem...

Benghazi!  (Which is Teabagger for "Look!  A squirrel!")
Mission accomplished.

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